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How do you know when to start dating?
Chazal tell us the age to get married in Pirkei Avos:
Shemone esrei l’chupa.
When the shadchan calls up and offers you a girl u feel u can’t pass up… Or you’ll be regretting it for the rest of your life.
Or when a pretty girl walks on the bus and as much as you are attracted you have the maturity to control your gaze.
Or when you feel your life is full of spice but is missing one flavor
And When you are happy and content within yourself.
When a kol koreh tells you to. Or a bas kol koreh.
Is a bas kol koreh when all the Rebbetzins get together and sign a paper to assur something?
Bas Kol Koreh… LOL.
If you’re not ready, but the kol koreh tells you that you are, switch to Chofetz Chaim.
When its not a question anymore. When you know ur ready. (Generally speaking.)
Chinesefood
When you feel ready to put your spouses needs before your own then I think you are ready for marriage. I think this applies to boys and girls. If you aren’t ready to go out of your way for another person on a regular basis don’t bother getting married.
Ah langeh Shemone esrei is when the bocher gets married in his twenties. Someone joked that is the reason in Yeshiva they make a hoyche kedusha for mincha, to teach bochurim to keep the Shemone esrei short
A friend of mine is friendly with R’ Chaim Kanievsky shlit”a’s gabba, and he phoned him up on Purim (his birthday) to tell the gabai that he turned 18. The Gabba (possibly also drunk) told him NOT to tell R’ Chaim, because R’ Chaim holds that there is no heter to miss the ?? ????? ???? ?????.
This was on Purim, so i don’t think it is ???? ?????.
busted.
Yekke2 – It may not be halacha le’maaseh, but I do know that my daughter’s friend married one of R’ Chaim’s grandsons last year and he was makpid that all of his grandchildren should be married by age 18.
Dating-When?
Anytime!! There are no restrictions on dating, not even during the 9 days, nor Chol haMoed, no Shabbos & Yom Tov, if within walking distance of each other.
Even during a personal Availus Lo Oleinu, one is allowed to date.
yeshivish7 -“I would say for most guys that is in the THIRTY range.”
Probably for girl, but a boy even longer. But we still have to get married at 18 -22 because it’s Halacha, mature or not.
In the Chassidish world this is the way it works. Do all parents know better than their kids? No, not always.
And yet, I married at 21 — very sure of what was important in a marriage and who I wanted to marry.
The Wolf
Is that true for some? Perhaps. But I would argue that if you don’t know what’s good for yourself in marriage, then you are obviously not ready for it.
The Wolf
hey chinese food-
i once heard a speaker say that the right time u know u can consider gettng married is when ur ok w who u are and arent looking to get married cuz u NEED s/o.. when ur comfterble w urslef then u know ur ready to give to someone else…
and dont ask why i go to dating lectures cuz i x!! just i have a sis who just started dating so hear this stuff all dy long;)
So…guys should wait until they are thirty, and then ask their parents to find them shidduchim?
You should get married when a) you are responsible enough to be a partner in running a household, and b) you want to.
OneOfMany- i did not say that they are not ready to live with a partner until you are thirty. i said that they are not ready to make a decision. if the parents do it for you, you could be mekayem chazal ben shmonei esrei lchupah
I know…I was just harnessing the implication of what you weren’t saying for kicks. 🙂
But I don’t agree with what you are really saying either. I don’t think “maturity” is this absolute state that you magically enter when you hit some arbitrary age. Also, you seem to imply that a “happy marriage” is contingent entirely on the choice of partner, and not at all on personal maturity, which I think is absolutely ludicrous.
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