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Ok, guys- I’m new on the dating scene and I wanna hear from those of you who are married:
1. Can you really see a person’s true colors during dating?
2. Did you receive accurate information about your spouse from references?
mytake
i see you are new to the coffee room as well
welcome!
for future reference, all-caps are not very popular here.
spend quality time, calmly. dating provides lots of experiences, situations to discuss. you can learn alot about the person. treat her well and create a relaxed atmosphere. this is not an investigation session. its a pleasant conversation of 2 people who would like to get to know each other. remember to do everything with grace and respect, and remember Hashem is there too. How would he want you to treat his children?
Even if the answer is no, its still Hashems child, and you should leave person feeling respected, appreciated, and feeling positive about self. If you call shadchan with a No, remember to list 2-3 positive qualities about the person. the shadchan will pass it along. You never want to hurt another jew.
kind of
1. CAN YOU REALLY SEE A PERSON’S TRUE COLORS DURING DATING?
Sometimes, sometimes not. There are many factors that come into play, not the least of which is how long you date for.
2. DID YOU RECEIVE ACCURATE INFORMATION ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE FROM REFERENCES?
I didn’t ask for references, so I can’t answer this one.
The Wolf
mytake: Welcome(, though I’m pretty new here as well.)
Pre-1. I think its extremely important to have a good conversation with a Rov/Rebbe/competent mentor in addition to getting all the good advice here.
1. I think you can, if your life-goals are clear to yourself.
2. Depends on what type of references and how you ask the questions. best is if you find someone you know who’s close enough to them to know or find out accurate info.
May you find your zivug very soon
just relax.
go out, enjoy yourself and figure out if you can work eith this guy. you need to have personalities that jive and need to be able to talk, understand each other and have fun together. but dont be overly analytical.
mytake: Are you a guy or gal??
This post sure makes you appear to be a gal.
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/curly#post-199437
daven for CLARITY
1. Can you really see a person’s true colors during dating?
Yes, but it takes time. You want to see the person in different situations. Things to ponder:
Kiso – What do they spend money on? Or not spend on? How much tsedakah do they give? What are their aspirations financially?
Kaaso – What makes them upset (what makes people upset is usually what they have an interest in)? How do they react then? How do they deal with stress?
Koso – How are their table manners? Do they like to drink? Any good Purim stories?
2. Did you receive accurate information about your spouse from references?
I did little reference checking. I found it to be near futile, as most girls that I dated were several years out of B”Y and several years into career/college. I found that most girls don’t have a strong kesher with a rav/rebbitzen and their ref’s were usually vague.
mytake, welcome to the CR, and may H’ grant you success
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