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Is it healthy for your children to see their parents go on a date?How oftern do you go on a “Date” with your spouce? What do you like to do (dinner etc…)
Is it healthy for your children to see their parents go on a date?
IMHO, absolutely. It’s important for children to see that their parents love one another and enjoy spending time with each other. Not only does it help to increase their sense of stability of the family, they also see how spouses can and should interact with each other.
How oftern do you go on a “Date” with your spouce?
Sadly, due to the fact that we both (at the moment) have VERY busy schedules, not as often as we’d like.
What do you like to do (dinner etc…)
Dinner. A movie. A trip to the Botanic Gardens. A trip to the zoo. A day in Manhattan. A play. A surprise trip. Just walking in a park. A picnic. Sitting on the beach listening to the waves in the moonlight.
The Wolf
What is a “date” (that you question if it is healthy they see)?
What is a “date” (that you question if it is healthy they see)?
Going out and spending time alone. He even gave an example (dinner).
The Wolf
mikehall – I think it is very healthy for children for their parents to go on dates, not just because it provides a good role model for healthy marriages, but because healthy communication between the spouses aids united parenting.
My wife and I have started working short dates into our schedule, since they can be done more frequently. We take walks outside. Once we went out for breakfast. It may not seem exciting, but the chance to have uninterrupted conversations is priceless.
When I was young I used to love to see my parents go out on the town. That was in a day when people would still dress up to go out. They would dress up, and he would look so handsome and she so sophisticatedly glamorous to me. They would stop at the door and have our babysitter take a photo of them. I would like to watch them as they went out the door. It was also very reassuring to me that they looked so happy with each other.
Also, the two boys who live with us (my stepson and a distant relative from Siberia who is living with us for two years) both grew up in broken and single-parent homes where there was only one parent or there was an unhappy marriage. We take every opportunity to show appropriate spousal affection in front of them both because it makes us happy, and in the hope that they will be able to translate that into happier marriages for themselves.
I recently read a book that spoke about the benefits for parents to spend time with each other alone. Firstly, it helps the parents unite better to provide a clear “theme” to their path of raising children. This helps the parents “regroup” to plan out the next stages in their life, the current tasks at hand ect. It also helps to have the parents solidify their “couple” relationship. They are not just “parents” but a “couple” and to have a successful marriage in all aspects, they need to enhance their relationship with each other. It also helps the children see that their parents love each other, and just like they love each other they love their children.
Just a couple of ideas….
Healthy???? It is ESSENTIAL!!!!!!!! it is very important for kids to see that their parents have a life outside of being mom and dad, and that their parents care enough about each other to WANT to spend time alone. It a very healthy model for the children to emulate. My hubby and I go out every Friday morning (he is retired and his retirement job is M-Th only)for a shared tuna bagel (not to be confused with a Yeshivah bochur by that description)brunch, and in the warmer weather we try to make Tuesday nights date night (free concerts in the summer, or out for pizza, etc.) In the winter it is a litte harder to get me out of the house at night on a regular basis.
oomis-
I’m so confused.
You and your husband eat yeshivah bochurim for brunch on Friday mornings?
That does not compute with my understanding of preparing for shabbos.
Its called good “role modeling”!
Mike,
Just out of curiosity, why would you have thought that it might be unhealthy that you felt the need to ask the question?
The Wolf
Not only that, I even let my kids observe “please” and “thank you”.
Role models, us BPers!
healthy, for sure (I agree with the above comments). My daughter & her DH go out on or around every Rosh Chodesh, usually for dinner.
mikehall12382:
So have you been disappointed by the response so far?
We don’t do date night per se right now because the kids are young enough that we do “date night at home.”
When they get older and we need to find more “us” time, we’ll start going out again. Its also hard with little kids sometimes and being pregnant.
your daughter married a designated hitter?
your daughter married a designated hitter?
Feh. That’s why I always dated in the National League. 🙂
The Wolf
YOU GUYS, so the romantic in me (I know I am going to be accused of being an apikores TV watcher for being a romantic), thought she meant “Dear Husband”!
that is what was meant
des hitter was a joke
I know, just teasing.
I prefer ‘darling husband’ actually 😉
What’s “DH” stand for?
There is nothing more reassuring to children than seeing their parents love one another. It helps them thrive as they feel safe and secure.
this could be a solution to the post-shidduch crisis!
we love to go to ganei yehoshua, near ramat gan. they have water and boating, large park, and walking area. we love feeding the ducks in the water. fun and relaxing and it gives us time to unwind from our busy schedules. kids are happy when the parents come back happy and relaxed.
Have to disagree here. I never saw my parents go out on a date or heard from them that they were going out, I assume they did, but I don’t see why the kids have anything to do with it. If I ever saw my parents acting affectionate with each other around us kids it made me feel uncomfortable, thats a private thing between a husband and wife, it doesn’t have to do with the kids. For your kids you are a mother or father!
loving your wife is one of the best things you can do for your children.
People learn from their parents how to have a relationship. If they never see any warmth, they will not know how to do it themselves.
my mother once went to a speech and the rebbitzen speaking said “why is it that ppl aren’t scared to argue (and even fight) in front of their children, but they absolutely will not show affection toward their spouse in front of the children or spend time alone together….” why let the kids see the negative, and make the positive taboo? isn’t that a little backwards? are ppl “so holy” these days that a little affection is deemed not tznius?
I am a 63 year old married 40 plus years and have never gone out with out my wife. The closest thing to going out are the drives to our “out of town” children, and the Friday night walks around the block. Why do you have to go out for quality time with your spouse wneh you live it? B”H our children are all happily married.
The only time I have seen a display of affection between my father A”H & ???? ????? my mother was once in his late 80s when Mother ???? came home from the hospital and he patted her hand.
I and the nevetheless knew what they felt for each other.
My childern know our feelings to each other without any overt displays.
Well said “Shouldnt be here”. Your 40 plus years of marriage can serve as an example for us all.
Of course it’s not appropriate to display too much love between each others. The kids don’t feel comfortable.
But children must see that parents live happily and get along more than “nicely” and they should know that Totty and Mommy are a close knit
team.
“You and your husband eat yeshivah bochurim for brunch on Friday mornings?”
what can I say – when I tell them I want to have them for lunch, I mean it literally!
imho, it’s very necessary! 🙂 more than you think!
dear Shouldn’t be here: were you affected at all by your father’s public display of affection towards your mother? It sounds like a poignant memory.
Shouldn’t be here-
I hate to break it to you, but friday night walks around the block are also a date night. You and your spouse taking a calm, quiet walk, that’s quality time.
Well said “Shouldnt be here”. Your 40 plus years of marriage can serve as an example for us all.
TMB, does that mean that you’re opposed to the idea of married couples going out? Or am I misunderstanding you?
The Wolf
I know my wife loves me, but I like it when she tells me or shows me.
were you affected at all by your father’s public display of affection towards your mother? It sounds like a poignant memory.
1)It was not public there was no one else except myself & brother
2)Mother ???? was uncomfortable
3)I was a grandfather already then
What stayed in my memory was not such my fathers pat as mother’s discomfort. Father A’H was already on the decline in ?????
Affection doesn’t have to mean literal physical affection. Seeing your parents treat each other nicely, with respect and enjoying each other is seeing affection. There are plenty of ways to show this.
Shouldntbehere, I bet if you thought about it, you would realize your parents showed plenty of affection.
They did not show it they lived it. We sensed it without seeing it. They worshipped each other
psach libi
That is the best thing I have ever read on this site!
Personally, I wouldnt be able to marry someone who isnt openly affectionate. “Knowing” that someone loves you and them “showing” you that they do, is two totally different types of marriage, in my dumb un-married opinion.
To quote an Adom Gadol
What they call ???? Torah calls ????
How those one “know” their spouse’s love?
By they way they interact in day to day living.
Isn’t that “showing”? How much more obvious do you need to be?
If your spouse values your opinion & feelings. Isn’t that “showing”?
etc etc etc.
A veteran of marital bliss
I don’t understand why many posters here are convinced that going out in needed, in order to show the kids that they are happy. I can promise that when there is a true happy marrige, the kids just feel it.
Shouldn’t be here, that was my point. You did experience their affection.
Sacrilege, there are ways to show your spouse love and affection without being physical in front of others. Its dependant on the people and their relationships.
I don’t understand why many posters here are convinced that going out in needed, in order to show the kids that they are happy.
That’s not the only reason of course. Sometimes we go out just because we want to and enjoy each other’s company. It’s not *always* about the kids.
The Wolf
says who:
I don’t think it’s about showing the kids that we’re happy. You are right, happiness and closeness is demonstrated by our everyday interactions. It does demonstrate that we view our spouse as top priority, however. It is also imperative for the parents to relate as spouses.
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