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October 17, 2023 7:06 am at 7:06 am #2232204A Fiinnah Ba’alabusta NutParticipant
This thread is meant to help put smile on another human’s face. If someone is having hard day, needs to lift his/hers/muzbands… spirits, hop on here. Read some things people write that will make u laugh. Read some things that people think are funny. Read some things that will help your day be a positive and productive one!
October 17, 2023 5:10 pm at 5:10 pm #2232429Sam KleinParticipantA patient complained to the doctor that his hair was coming out.
Won’t you give me something to keep it in? he begged
“Take this” the doctor said and handed the patient a pill box.October 17, 2023 11:08 pm at 11:08 pm #2232495A Fiinnah Ba’alabusta NutParticipantThere was once a man driving a car on highway Erev Shabbos. Realizing he wasn’t gonna to make it to his destination before Shabbos starts, he pulled over and decided to spend the whole shabbos where he is.
He davened Kabolos Shabbos then Maariv. Afterwards he looked around his car to see if he can scavenge for himself some food or water. He only found one bottle of alcohol! “ברוך השם” he said!
He remembered that he learnt if such a מעשה happens then he can have in mind what the alcohol should be מקיים and it halachakigly works. So that’s what he did…
He made kiddish, then took a shot!
Had in mind hamotzie, then took a shot!
Had in mind fish, then took a shot!
Had in mind the soup, then took a shot!
Had in mind the meat, chicken, Kugel…, then had a shot!
Had in mind the dessert, then took a shot!After he thanked ה׳ for his delicious meal, he realized a horror. He screamed “ Oh no I forgot to take a shot in between the fish and soup!!!!”
October 17, 2023 11:08 pm at 11:08 pm #2232497A Fiinnah Ba’alabusta NutParticipantThere was once a mensch who identified as the Masiah- משיח. Oy nebach! Anyways this went on for years, if he met someone and they asked him for his name he replied I’m the Masiah!
B”h finally one day he stopped identifying as the Masiah. The Roov of the town was so happy when he found out that he decided he would now go to visit this non Masiah mench. The Roov met this man and asked “Whut happened? Whut changed your mind?” The man replied “I realized that I wasn’t the Masiah.” The Roov said “,א ברוך השם- Ah, Thank God.” The Man replied “Your welcome!”
October 19, 2023 12:19 am at 12:19 am #2232826Sam KleinParticipantwho is your family doctor?
I can’t tell you
Why not? Don’t you know his name?Yes. Dr. Smith used to be our family doctor but nowadays mother goes to an eye specialist, father goes to a stomach specialist my sister goes to a throat specialist, my brother is in the care of a lung specialist and I’m taking treatments from an osteopath.
October 19, 2023 12:48 am at 12:48 am #2232834KuvultParticipantA Frenchman, a German & a Jew were lost in the desert.
The Frenchman said, “I’m so thirsty I must have a glass of wine.”
The German said, “I’m so thirsty I must have a beer.”
The Jews said, “I’m so thirsty I must have diabetes.”October 19, 2023 5:00 pm at 5:00 pm #2233060A Fiinnah Ba’alabusta NutParticipantThere was once a גר who wanted to learn more about judisiem, specifically more about Shabbos and how to keep it right. His wife said he should go to speak to their Roov. His Roov suggested him to go to some site (on the line- using internet) that puts people’s up by other people for Shabbos.
He spoke to his Rebetzen, she said he should really go to these people for shabbos and get the most out of it as he can. So that’s what he did.
He arrived to his host Erev heilaggah Shabbos, chatted a bissel with the mishpacha, then went to Shul with the Ba’al Habus.
After Kabolos Shabbos, the Roov of that Shul made Kiddish- a la’chaim. So everyone had some. They got back to the house and the Ba’al Habus made kiddish on some wine. So everyone had some. In between the fish and soup they had a shot. By the main course they had a few shots.
The next morning after davening, by the kiddush the oilem made a bunch of la’chaims. They got home, the Ba’al Habus made kiddish. So everyone had some. Then there were a few more la’chaims during the meal.
Same thing during shal hashudas everyone had many la’chaims! Came havdalah time and they made it on, you guessed it, more alcohol!
Finally Motzie Shabbos, the גר returned back home, back to his wife.she right away asked him what he had learned and what they can start to do to keep the holy Shabbos better in their house. He replied “ It’s all a little foggy to me right now but the one thing I know for sure is why Jews don’t drive on Shabbos!!!”
October 20, 2023 1:48 am at 1:48 am #2233132KuvultParticipantA Chosid, a Litvak & a Religious Zionist walked into a bar.
The bartender said, “The usual Rav Kook?”October 21, 2023 8:08 pm at 8:08 pm #2233252Sam KleinParticipantWhat kind of lights did Noach have in the teiva? Flood lights
What type of cake did he eat? Mahbul cake
October 22, 2023 12:27 am at 12:27 am #2233448KuvultParticipantA Modern Orthodox, Yeshivish & Big Rosh Yeshiva died & went to heaven. Hashem said to the Modern Orthodox, “You were a good Jew go to room 12 but be very quiet when you pass room 8.”
Hashem said to the Yeshivish Jew, “You learned a lot of Torah. Go to room 16 but be very quiet when you pass room 8.”
Hashem said to the Rosh Yeshiva, “You taught so much Torah. Go to room 11 but be very quiet when you pass room 8.”
The Rosh Yeshiva said, “I understand having different rooms but why do we need to be quiet when we pass room 8?”
Hashem answered, “Because the Chasidim are in room 8 & they think they are the only ones here.”October 22, 2023 9:47 pm at 9:47 pm #2233675yechiellParticipanta husband buys his wife a beatiful fur coat
she loves it and struts around in it
their daughter comes home from some ivy league university
and sees her mother in the fur coat
she starts screaming ‘don’t you know what diffuiculties this animal went thru just so you could strut around in your coat? – obviously animal rights stuff she learned in school
her mother slaps her across the face ‘don’t you EVER speak about your father this way!’October 22, 2023 9:47 pm at 9:47 pm #2233676yechiellParticipantdid you hear the latest news?
fedex is joining up with upsand they’re calling themselves FEDUP.
October 23, 2023 2:31 am at 2:31 am #2233712Sam KleinParticipantYoung doc.- Why do you always ask your patients what they have for dinner?
Old doc.- It’s a most important question for according to their menus I make out my bills.
October 23, 2023 3:58 pm at 3:58 pm #2233789yechiellParticipantJewish Theory of Relativity:
If you have 2 hairs on your head, it’s very little,
if you have 2 hairs in your soup, it’s too much.October 23, 2023 3:59 pm at 3:59 pm #2233792yechiellParticipantAre humans like software?
Find out as follows:If I am ever on life support, unplug me and plug me back in and see if that works.
October 23, 2023 6:51 pm at 6:51 pm #2233892shtarkyeshivabochurParticipantTwo men of Chelm went out for a walk, when suddenly it began to rain.
“Quick,” said one. “Open your umbrella.”
“It won’t help,” said his friend. “My umbrella is full of holes.”
“Then why did you bring it?”
“I didn’t think it would rain!”October 24, 2023 1:44 pm at 1:44 pm #2234052Sam KleinParticipantdid you go to the doctor the other day John?
Yes I did.
And did he find out what you had?
Very nearly.
What do you mean very nearly?
Well I had $3.40 and he charged me $3.00!October 24, 2023 7:03 pm at 7:03 pm #2234207yeshivaguy45Participantbalabusta-your fake accent and grammar isn’t working as it portrays you in a negative light (aka troll).
That was not a nice joke and I’m surprised that the mods let that thru. -
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