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I have heard that there are people in minyanim who will correct the way others wear their tefillin, either by verbally advising them or even physically reaching over to adjust the person’s straps. Does this actually happen? And if so, what do you think– is it appropriate or not?
Verbally advising them? Fine. Physically adjusting someone’s tefillin out of the blue without asking or otherwise having the person’s okay? No.
The Wolf
Here’s a great story: I was in shul a few weeks ago, and one of the hanging straps on my Shel Rosh was turned around, so the black side was not facing out. A guy in shul came over to me and turned it around, thinking he was saving me from a certain harsh Gehennom sentence.
Unlike him, I actually learned hilchos tefillin, so I decided to have some fun, instead of just ignoring him. (It was probably not the bein adam la’chaveiro approach.)
I feigned ignorance, and asked him what was wrong with my tefillin. He answered that the black side has to be facing outwards. I said ok, let’s go check it up.
So we opened up a Mishna Berurah (Siman 27, S”k 38) where he says that the only part which needs to have the black facing outwards is the part around the head, and the first wrap around the arm. About the part which hangs down from the Shel Rosh, however, he says “??? ???? ?????? ???” – one does not need to be careful at all.
At this point, he should have apologized and said, “I’m sorry; in the future, I’ll try not to correct people on things which I do not know the halacha about.”
But he didn’t.
He pointed to the next line in the Mishna Berurah (which I knew about), which says “???? ???? ??? ????? ???? ????? ????? ????? ??? ??? ????? ??????” – However, because of “noi mitzvah” – making a mitzvah beautiful – it is proper to flip [the strap] so that the black [side] should be facing outwards, even on the extra [part which hangs down].
Excitedly, he showed me that he was right! The Mishna Berurah does in fact say that because of noi mitzvah it is proper!
Note that he does not use the expression “hiddur mitzvah”; he says “noi mitzvah”.
I asked him, “Do you also run around town putting up decorations in everyone’s sukkah?”
That shut him up.
It’s certainly an acceptable form of “hochaiach tocheach.” I am always grateful when it’s done for me. However, I do agree with The Wolf regarding the correct procedure. And, of course, not to do so verbally at a point when being mafsik is not allowed.
LAB: I disagree with you. If someone came to your Sukka, which was short on decorations, and added some decorations would you have flipped out too? So why here wouldn’t you be happy that he helped you beautify the mitzvah of tefilin?
Likud – If someone walked into my sukkah and started hanging up decorations, I would call the police. “BUT YOUR SUKKAH IS NOT PRETTY ENOUGH!” he would shout, as they drag him out of my house.
LAB: If he were hanging up diamond and pearls in your Sukka, which he was gifting to you, you wouldn’t call the cops. Your eyes would be wide opened as you profusely thanked him. So if he is beautifying your mitzvah of Tefilin or Sukkas why should you object more than if he were beautifying your wallet?
LAB: If he were hanging up diamond and pearls in your Sukka, which he was gifting to you, you wouldn’t call the cops. Your eyes would be wide opened as you profusely thanked him.
If a stranger came and started hanging diamonds up in my sukkah without permission, you’d better believe I’d be calling the cops.
Most likely they were stolen and being planted in my sukkah.
Bottom line, no one has the right to touch me or my clothing (including my tefillin) without asking me — even if they’re out of place. By all means, *tell* me my tefillin’s out of place and even offer to move it, but don’t actually do so without asking.
The Wolf
Come on. Obviously my point is if he was the rightful owner of the diamonds and he was giving them to you of free and clear mind.
I understand that perhaps he shouldn’t just fix the straps for you without asking first. But it seems LAB objected to the very fact he corrected him at all. (Correct me if I’m wrong.)
Come on. Obviously my point is if he was the rightful owner of the diamonds and he was giving them to you of free and clear mind.
You’re the one who gave the ridiculous example and you’re telling me “Come on?!” 🙂
The Wolf
The reason I corrected him is that it was clear at the time (from the context, and later confirmed by him) that he thought it was an absolute halacha for the black on the hanging part of the straps to be facing outwards. It annoyed me that someone would correct someone on a halacha which they didn’t actually know themselves.
I believe that if he would have known that it was merely “???? ?????” because of “??? ?????”, he never would have corrected me.
The point isn’t what my reaction would be to someone theoretically decorating my sukkah; it’s the fact that no one would actually go around doing it.
hmmm…. i see a great lawsuit coming up! legally, he isnt allowed to do that! ooooohhh. actually im thinking of the law that teachers cant touch their students… oh well.
well then here is my revised answer-
it is a sign of poor social skills to touch someone like that. the proper thing to do is verbally tell the person.
jewishfeminist02,
I have heard that there are people in minyanim
People are people, and I’m sure that every minyan of every stripe has its share of interesting characters!
who will correct the way others wear their tefillin, either by verbally advising them or even physically reaching over to adjust the person’s straps. Does this actually happen? And if so, what do you think– is it appropriate or not?
If my tefillin were pushed askew, I would ultimately appreciate someone quietly telling me – though I would also feel a bit embarrassed. I probably wouldn’t mind him adjusting it for me if he asked first, since it would save me the extra seconds to get my mirror. If he didn’t ask first before touching them, however, I would feel very uncomfortable (and probably wonder if he were mentally stable).
If the issue the person had was with my custom, I would just say, “thanks for the advice, but this is how I learned to put them on” and move on. If it were an issue like what LevAryehBoy described, I would hopefully just say “thank you.”
I personally wouldn’t correct somebody else. With the tallis going on and off the head, standing, sitting, etc., tefillin are likely to shift during davening. I’m sure most people periodically check to make sure they are still in their proper place. Therefore it’s very likely that the man with his tefillin askew will correct the issue himself in short order.
it is a sign of poor social skills to touch someone like that. the proper thing to do is verbally tell the person.
It doesn’t even have to be verbal. If you twist one of your retzuos, he should get to message to check his. If you grab your Shel Rosh and move it a bit, he should get the message that his is out of place.
The Wolf
Yes, there are obnoxious pests in the world.
Someone once reached out and adjusted my teffilin.
I asked why he did that.
He said because it is proper to do it for noi mitzva.
I asked him if he also reaches out and rebuttons someone’s shirt if it is buttoned wrong.
Popa – great minds think alike. (And so do we.)
Once we’re discussing this, I would strongly suggest that everyone take a quick look in the Mishna Berurah Siman 27 S”k 33.
He speaks extremely harshly about people who wear their Tefillin anywhere past the place where the hair roots grow. (If you look around shul, you’ll see many people who do this.)
He says that people who do this are “?????? ?? ????? ????????”, and it’s a “???? ????? ??? ??? ?????”. He says that one should warn his friends about this, and then he ends with a quote from the Pri Megadim: “??????? ??????? ??? ?????? ??? ??????? ?????”
Lev Aryeh
+1
There are probably good well meaning people that were never yotzi tefillin in their lives 🙁
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