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“when we have children we are gonna have a nanny…i work hard for my money…”
So, it will be nanny’s children. Because not you, but nanny will see the first smile and first step…not you, but nanny will find the first tooth… not you, but nanny will hear the first word… not you, but nanny will spend most of the day with children…
cschapiro sorry, I did not answer but I had to leave to go to work.
To answer your question from earlier…When my children were small and I had an average of 2-3 home all day..no I did not go to work because a child needs a mother not a nanny..
I did do work at home..like wigs and hairdos..I took a course for a few weeks and then I was able to do work at home.
Yes, I did leave my baby with a babysitter for a few hours during the day depending on the job at that time, for a while I was working away from home for a few hours a day, but I was always home to greet children coming home from school (besides on rare occasions when I had to make alternate arrangements)..
My entire work history would probably bore you..and yes my husband always workd as well and I cannot count on much househelp..
The bottom line is to have children is a commitment and a responsibilty and if you want to have a healthy family take care of the children yourself. cuz there is NO ssubstitute for a MOTHER!
poster: I feel honored! good luck!
cshapiro: In the long run they do not have healthy homes.(now I’ll get it over my head- good thing I am anonymous here) and a lot of issues they may have later could be attributed to the fact that some phillipino or russian raised them,, Who does there cooking? There was a Polish lady maid that was leavng a certain Jewish family to go back to her ‘country’.. she notified the family that all the wonderful tasing food they had been eating for dinner all these years were fried in lard and other treife goodies that she brought along with her from her home.
A neighbors children here speak a fluent Polish.. the mom just knows a few words here and there,,
and then we wana know why all the kids today have issues..
Yes, the first thing is to prioritize. Do you really need to work full time ? What does the money go for ? Is it worth it ?
Logician: as a working mother, your comment really hit home. With all due respect, how can you even suggest that a Jewish mother wouldnt want to be with her children?? Yes we may feel the need for a break, or that we cannot spend all day every day entertaining our children, but do you think we feel good about that? Dont you think we’d love to spend more time with our children? Dont you think we realize that the little bit of precious time we do get to spend with our children is taken advantage of to its fullest?
You ask if one really needs to work full time, well to answer for most of the working middle class moms – in order to keep our heads above water, yes. These days one income is not enough. What do we need the money for? Um, how about food, tuition, mortgage/rent, utilites, insurace…and yes the occasional vacation to spend more time with the family.
I’d say that there really isnt much of a choice…
I am currently working and I understand you totally but I hav come to the conclusion that whatever is bashert for someone to earn thats how much he will have. and if 2 people are bringing in income and its not meant to be it will just be depleted on sudden expenses, not on vacations, I’ve seen it personally happen time and time again…
Currently all my children are in school and I am home by the time my first bus arrives.. I also worked by a yiddishe lady that does babysitting and had my ‘baby’ with me..
At least have a jewish woman who knows what kashrus is all about, someone that would make brachos with your children etc..
enough said. I will try to mind my own business from now on..
CS – the term nanny conjured up a different image, if that’s what you meant kol hakovod.
Miritcka – I’m sure you mean this sincerely. And I understand perfectly that this is a common financial situation.
I know many people like you. I know a women who literally spends days crying after their maternity leave is up.
I know women – yes, not only one or two – who are fully supported , or husbands do very well, and they have full time jobs. Pursuing careers. Uh huh, a little mental stimulation, right ?
The point is priorities. I know women who took less attractive jobs, because it meant better hours, or less commute, and yes – they tightened their belts and made do with less. I understand that everyone has a different standard of needs/wants etc, but I know many people in such situations where I see a lifestyle which has plenty of room for trimmings.
CShapiro – What’s the big deal ? As I posted earlier, there’s an agency. My cleaning lady left us this week. So I called the agency – she’s at work right now. She takes the standard $9, and you pat the agency an extra $2. And if you keep her after Pesach, you pay the agency a small regular fee, not per hour.
CShapiro – I tried.
Mods – the number for a cleaning agency ? Is that a problem ?
It’s not really an “agency”, its a woman named Chani (an Israeli) in Westgate. Can’t tell you more besides the number. I’ll try again: 987-6060
BTW I called her on thursday, she has noone available until after Pesach and, according to her ad, she has a 6 hour minimum (which you can split with neighbors) also, she asks that you not call after 8pm.
I would love that person your husband found. I’m looking for 10-1 on monday.
You better start rolling up your own 2 sleeves and get some work done! Over a year ago you were desperate to get married, with all the glory thast it entails (read through the posts here, especially our good, and wise friend BPT!).
Get up an hour earlier and do your own toile/bathroom, after all, it is your own dirt and your beloved husband’s! This is your first Pesach, do it with ahava, a sense of duty. How will you cope when I’YH you have children to look after, and STILL GO TO WORK, and cook, bake?!, laundry, ironing, do school rotas, school meetings, PTA, have some sort of hachnasat orchim, and be a good, warm concerned wife, phenominal mother, good daughter and exceptional daughter in law?
We raised a large family B’H bli ayin harah, kein yirbu, all having long hours of kevius of learning and chesed,(hatzolah), shul commitments, school commitments, and all our children, WORK full time – oh my gasp! yes work!, and they have beutiful, yiddishe families bli ayin harah, kein yirbu, that have the shechina reigning in their homes, always happy and jolly, all the wives work full time and bake their own challot, cook from scratch, not buying from take aways, and help the children with the homework and rotas to and from school etc. and chesed reigns in their homes big time.
When my husband read your posting he literally laughed and said B’H I have the wife that I have for the last 37 years bli ayin harah ad meah ve esrim shana with an abundance of HAGEFEN!
Instead of posting on internet websites, CR or otherwise, watching tv in Lakewood, keep your home clean and tidy all the time, not just for Pesach. Take multiple vitamins/minerals with iron and take time released B vitamins once a day and you will have koach to do all that you need to do and more, with sever panim yafot. And, remember, that when you go to your dear parents’ and your dear inlaws’ ad meah ve esrim shana, for any Yom Tov, particularly Pesach, and any Shabbos, it is your duty and kibbud av ve em to get up to help all the time, with a smile. Don’t expect older people or other siblings to do it. Set the table, help to serve, clear up after yourselves and others, wash the dishes, take out the garbage/rubbish, help to heat up the cooked foods, and help to peel vegetables, make salads, cook, and help to look after the nieces and nephews, play with them and take them out for walks and activities, all with a big SMILE and have HAKAROS HATOV!!
Don’t kvetch and put on a long face! Your parents’ and inlaws’ are not your maid! They don’t have to be your korpon Pesach! Time is so short and be grateful that you have them ad meah ve esrim shana!!! Amen!
Regular working hours are from 8-5. Why should they come to you after that? Are you willing to pay overtime wages?
That’s right Best bubby! Anyone who doesn’t do things your way is just despicable! Everyone has to deal like you, Oh holy Superwoman!
Your holier-than-thou attitude is really nauseous
The Best Bubby: you know what i always tell people who say they have the best mommy/totty/bubby/zaidy..? I say ‘for you’. Because as wonderful as their mommy/totty/bubby/zaidy…might be, their ideals, ideas, inputs, advice…is not for everyone.
So while i’m sure you had the right intentions, it’s not for everyone.
Logician: I was very sincere when i replied to you. Like i wrote, it really hit home. I am aware that there are women that really want to work but cant for various reasons.
“The point is priorities. I understand that everyone has a different standard of needs/wants etc, but I know many people in such situations where I see a lifestyle which has plenty of room for trimmings.” so while you see a lifestyle which has plenty of room for trimmings, i dont think its anyones place to tell someone else that… 😉
I think everyone is getting a little overheated here. Bottom line, cshapiro, Pesach should not make you feel this panicky, but clearly it does. The key to that, when you cannot get cleaning help (and I have rarely had it myself, for financial reasons)is to do PESACH cleaning, not Spring cleaning. It isn’t easy, but it isn’t the torture of Torquemada, either. Our mindset in this is crucial. I made up my mind a long time ago to look at Pesach as a chance to feel like I am moving into a completely new house for eight days. Maybe if you can find something pleasant about the preparations to focus on, rather than the drudgery you dread, you will find it less anxiety-provoking. I do understand.
But – I think TBB means well and I get where she is coming from. I guess we are both of a different generation from that of cshapiro, and that clearly affects how we view the feelings expressed by her. I know that I am reminded of how I felt when I was a young married woman facing my first Pesach (and I was ALSO going to my parents and continued to do so until the last five years of their lives, during which time I had them to come to me instead, for each yom tov). My husband and I always helped my mom to bring in Pesach, cook and serve at all meals, and put Pesach away at the end of yom tov. Then it was our turn to do it all in our own home. Not easy, but not the end of the world, either.
Instead of responding critically to each other, how about some concrete suggestions on how to make this yom tov preparation go more smoothly for all of us?
I live in a (small) house, in the past have lived in a large apartment. I really don’t understand why Pesach cleaning is such a huge undertaking. A couple of hours, a few times a week, for 2-3 weeks, wife and husband (both of whom have full schedules doing whatever they do) chipping in, and the job gets done. No spring cleaning, rearranging house, but THOROUGH Pesach cleaning.
No spring cleaning, rearranging house, but THOROUGH Pesach cleaning.”
Agreed.
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