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Hi. A friend of mine is trying to convince me to go out with boys from yeshiva Chofetz Chaim. To be honest, i’m kind of unfamiliar with specifics about different yeshivas… They all kind of seem the same to me… All i know about chofetz chaim is that they wear blue shirts, some guys do college, and a lot of guys want to go into chinuch. I also hear that all the boys from there are very mentshlich… Additionally, I see boys from that yeshiva in my community and they all seem very nice and ben torah-dik… Yet, I have other friends who are dropping lines to me about how I should think carefully if I really wanna “get into that”, (“that” being going out with boys from that yeshiva)but theyre not really explaining themselves… I don’t wanna hear any lashon hora- PLEASE- but if anyone has any advice or opinions on the matter, i’d love to hear… I as of know feel very inclined to go out with boys from that yeshiva.
I wonder what they mean by “that”.
Have you ever asked?
Really depends on the boy and what you’re looking for. You shouldn’t turn down a shidduch just based on where he goes to yeshiva unless it’s a place that is not in your sphere of interest (such as YU). My daughters have dated Chofetz Chaim boys and in general don’t fit into the mold as one might expect. Hatzlacha.
I think you need new friends.
The way you are describing them seems accurate. Some “wear blue shirts, some guys do college, and a lot of guys want to go into chinuch. I also hear that all the boys from there are very mentshlich… Additionally, I see boys from that yeshiva in my community and they all seem very nice and ben torah-dik.”
Why not just go out with the guy, and see if it fits.
All the Chofetz Chaim guys I know are baalabatim.
Most of the Chofetz Chaim guys I know work in klei kodesh.
Can anyone here explain the differences between Chofetz Chaim boys and Brisker boys?
Can anyone here explain the differences between Chofetz Chaim boys and Brisker boys?
What are brisker boys? Do you mean boys who learn in paterson or fallsburg for 3 years, then in brisk (freqeuntly without ever getting into shiur) for a year and a half, and then BMG?
I don’t know if it’s a good idea to start comparing boys from one Yeshiva to another. That sounds like it could be a Hilchos L”H issue.
“That sounds like it could be a Hilchos L”H issue.”
Nice
Meno: “Nice”.
Thanks! I’m part of the Shmiras Haloshon squad. I’m considering starting a Tznius one as well soon.
Sorry, you can’t be a part of the squad without a universal delete button
” don’t know if it’s a good idea to start comparing boys from one Yeshiva to another. That sounds like it could be a Hilchos L”H issue”
Or people can speak in a nice manner for a toeles purpose–so there won’t be any L’H issues…
Chafetz Chaim Yeshiva is into Mussar, both the study and practice. That’s why they are mentchlich. Their Mussar aims to be positive and uplifting (as opposed to being heavy-handed).
To find out more about their Mussar/outlook do a search on “Rabbi Akiva Grunblatt” their Mashgiach Ruchani. You can listen to his Mussar Shmuzim.
“Or people can speak in a nice manner for a toeles purpose–so there won’t be any L’H issues…”
I don’t know what you are referring to, but there are MANY conditions in order for something to be okay for toeles purposes. It is very hard to fulfill every one of them. One of the biggest Yetzer horas when it comes to Loshon Hora is to claim that it’s toeles and therefore it’s okay.
When I have a chance, bli neder, I will try to post those halachos on my Shmiras Haloshon thread. Thanks for the idea, Reuven!
“Sorry, you can’t be a part of the squad without a universal delete button”
I’m part of the peaceful non-coercive squad. I don’t believe in “kefiya datit” (religious coercion). 🙂
Are you sure about that?
I believe in education.
“Are you sure about that?”
What is that supposed to mean?
BYG: from a shidduch point of view there is one major consideration which is that chofetz chaim believes in harbutzus torah the way the other yeshivas do not and that means that many, many, of them end up in remote locations spreading judiasm. are you willing to live in a place you have never heard of before while doing the shlichus of avrohom avinu? that is the question you need to ask yourself.
By the way, it’s really annoying that when I have conversations with the moderators, I have no idea which moderator I am talking to! I don’t know how many of you there are, but I know there is more than one, but to me you are all one person!
are you willing to live in a place you have never heard of before while doing the shlichus of avrohom avinu? that is the question you need to ask yourself.
More accurately, ask the person you’re dating.
I went to CC for high school and have friends that are still in the “system”. I can’t speak for all but the boys that I know are serious benei torah with very fine character.Some of them plan on going into chinuch and others are getting college degrees. There is a wide spectrum of the boys there and not all of them plan on opening a yeshiva in a random town. I’d say they are less “yeshivish” than brisk boys. I don’t know if you’re looking for a long term learner but that is really where the main difference will be for you in that he will want to go into chinuch (either locally or not) at a younger age.
“chofetz chaim believes in harbutzus torah the way the other yeshivas do not and that means that many, many, of them end up in remote locations spreading judiasm.”
So is CC kind of like the Litvish Lubavitch?
“So is CC kind of like the Litvish Lubavitch?”
Uh oh. Here we go…
BYG: it appears that the goal is to reach every jew. today they may not be in kenya (or anywhere else outside the us and canada) but who knows what tomorrow brings. 10 years ago no one imagined a chofetz chaim in sin city but alas today it is there. it is a commitment and dedication to a cause (albeit a beautiful one, if you ask me).
further, so long as he continues to learn in chofetz chaim there will always be the chance that even after 5 or 10 years he will look to move to that location. There is no way of ensuring that you will stay in NY or any other large jewish city unless he does not plan on staying in chofetz chaim.
Joseph: I will not address your question because the topic seems to be limited to shidduch related questions. see, also, lilmod ulelamed, above.
BYG: generally they try to build communities in the US and Canada and yes I mean “out of town”. However, they may or not be remote depending on which State we are talking about. Either I or my son (who attended Chafetz Chaim for high school) know musmachim in places such as LA, Las Vegas, Dallas, St. Louis, Orlando, Miami, Rochester, Milwaukee (home of WITS), Memphis, Vancouver, Ottawa to name a few. However, they may also go to places where there is no frum infrastructure and build from scratch.
Joseph: My son who went to Chofetz Chaim has a beard and does not wear peyos behind his ears. My second son (not exactly a “Brisker” but learning in a similar type of yeshiva) does not have a beard but wears peyos behind his ears.
The big difference is that my older son started helping and learning with teenagers as soon as he was able (aged 22 now 26) while my other son is still involved with his own learning and not even thinking yet about harbotzos torah (and he is 24).
bais yaakov girl,
Sounds like a Chofetz Chaim boy would be great for you.
I think what your friend did was way worse than L H instead of stating her negative opinion she made an open ended condemnation and left the particulars up to your imagination.
The Goq – I just want to point out that you don’t know BY girl’s friend, so it doesn’t seem like what you’re saying is LH, but since BY girl knows her, it is probably LH for you to say something negative about her to BY girl.
This is a common mistake and one that I probably make all the time. For example, a friend could be talking about someone w/o mentioning the name, and I’ll say, “That’s terrible, how could she do that?” w/o stopping to think that it’s LH since she knows who the person is even if I don’t.
I’m also not sure that you are right. I think what she meant is just that Chofetz Chaim has a very specific hashkafa and she wasn’t sure that it’s right for BY girl, but then it was hard for her to explain exactly what she meant because these things can be hard to explain (especially when you’re trying hard to avoid LH).
Isnt it so coincidental that you are talking about Chofetz Chaim which is very much attached to shmiras haloshon and loshon hara so take it as a simon min hashamayim to end this chat!!!!!!!!!!!
“What are brisker boys? Do you mean boys who learn in paterson or fallsburg for 3 years, then in brisk (freqeuntly without ever getting into shiur) for a year and a half, and then BMG?”
Or- perhaps- they go to Brisk NYC 😛
Someone I know actually didn’t want to date a CC guy because she didn’t want to end up in that scenario, and ended up marrying one who she was specifically assured planned to stay in the NY area and go into a healthcare-related field. Now, they’re likely to move out of town anyway for his job. So man plans and God laughs.
The description above sounds accurate, and all the CC guys I’ve known have been great. Nothing wrong with a bit of pigment in a guy’s shirt.
Hope that didn’t come out too harshly Goq- was trying not to – my apologies if it did.
This thread alone is what is wrong with Shidduchim today. How can you judge someone by their yeshiva. Instead of judiging the Yeshiva, How about judging the person. Im sure there are good guys from Chofetz chaim and not such good guys and the same exists for any other yeshiva as well
Not at all lu.
iacisrmma, you say CC musmachim may go into places with no frum infrastructure (which I read as no orthodox shul, no mikveh, etc.). Do you have any examples? I believe all the CC branches have been in places where there already were frum Jews, but obviously a CC musmach can strike out on his own.
ZD, I think it would have been better to say “guys appropriate for you and guys not appropriate for you” than to say “good guys…and not such good guys.”
yehudayona: Virginia Beach, VA and Orlando, Fl.
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