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If someone needs a ride and their the other gender and its the girl that has the car and the boy that needs a ride and there is no other ride for the boy. How should they go about it in a tznius way?
Maybe you’ll find your answer in this thread:
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/giving-women-car-rides
let the boy sit in the back seat, versus in front beside her or if it were a man & he would then sit up front
It’s not proper for a male to be in back of a female. If the driver is a female, I’d suppose she should drive in reverse.
Is your other friend a guy or a girl?
Does the car have clear windows and will you be driving on a road where there are other drivers and pedestrians who can see into your vehicle?
Oh and of course… Ask you LOR
Ask your LOR. Maybe if the guy really doesn’t have another ride then the rabbi can arrange something.
This guy who needs a ride isn’t the first guy in history to need a ride. Even if it seems like there is no other option, there could be but it just hasn’t unfolded yet.
Plus maybe the rabbi knows of another solution for the guy and it leaves you and the question of yichud out of the equation. Wouldn’t that be preferable?
If you don’t follow the rav or put yourself in a spiritually impure situation, then there really is no mitzvah of giving this person a ride and it won’t even help him, would it?
A number of years ago (when people were just beginning to turn their frumkeit into meshugaas), a Rosh Yeshivah of a major Yeshivah gave a shiur for the women and needed a ride to the shul. He asked my wife to drive him. My wife opened the back door for him and he said, your are my friend an talmidah, not my chauffer. I am sitting in the front.
Does the car have clear windows and will you be driving on a road where there are other drivers and pedestrians who can see into your vehicle?
This might avoid yichud problems, but not tznius problems.
^^It’s not proper for a male to be in back of a female. If the driver is a female, I’d suppose she should drive in reverse.^^
These are the words of Little Frog
Our friend in the CR
He tells the ladies on this blog
How they must drive a car
If a man should need a hitch
To help him in his way
Into reverse your car you switch
And you can save the day
While all the rest with criticism
Bemoan our lack of tznius
L Froggie jokes with witticism
And gives us back our chiyus!
when people were just beginning to turn their frumkeit into meshugaas
Huh?
RS
theres no need to give the keys to him especially if he doesnt drive yet & just needs a ride to his mesivta etc…
i got rides for many years before i started driving with at least %25 from ladies & i just sat in the back & also didn’t talk with them unless they asked questions versus a man was more likely to chat with me. before leaving i thanked them greatly to make sure my tznius of not speaking with them should not sound like i do not appreciate the ride she gave me & as we drove to my location i didnt look at driver in front i just looked at street from window as we got closer to my destination.
If it has to be one way or the other, personally, I think that if it’s her car, she should drive.
1. It would be weird for her to give him the car keys and tell him to drive, and since in most of the Yeshivish world, it’s mekubal for women to drive, the issue here (as I see it) is about whether or not it’s okay in the first place for either to give a ride to the other, but I don’t think it matters who the one driving is.
I don’t know if it’s a problem or not for either one to be giving a ride to the other, but if there’s an issue, I would think that would be it.
2. Safety-wise, it makes more sense for the girl to be the one driving.
3. By giving him the keys, she is making the whole thing into more of an issue, and I think that’s worse.
Either way, the non-driver should sit in the back.
If you think it’s really an issue, ask your LOR. This is just my humble uneducated opinion.
There is nothing wrong with a male giving a ride to a Female or vice versa as long as you go on public roads. I would also like to suggest that if the male & female are both single maybe they can meet their bashert that way.
There is nothing wrong with a male giving a ride to a Female or vice versa as long as you go on public roads.
That is true from a yichud standpoint. Rebshidduch asked how this should be done in a tznius way. They’re not the same thing.
Meno – maskim (I know you don’t like plussing…)
I like that, Golfer, very cute!!
yungermanS, 25% of your hitches were women drivers? In what neck of the woods do women drivers pick up men seeking a hitch?
Eli51, if you think this is how shidduchim can be made, I take it you are suggesting the male and female strangers in the car together should be having a nice long chat as well, eh?
To Joseph this is one of a bunch of ways shidduchim can me made. With today’s shidduch crisis if a single Female gives a ride to a single Male why not chat to see if it’s nogea?
Eli51, let me guess; you want weddings to have mixed seating too, right? You know how much against that the gedolei rabbonim are even though it might technically be halachicly permissible; how much more so in a private car with just one male and one female where it might not be halachicly permissible.
Does anyone know of a tzedakah in ny that offers rides, or matches drivers to those needing rides? I called chesed of boro park but was told not to bother because I’m not (yet) married and therefore, in their eyes, not reliable.
Rebshidduch, the question is getting more interesting. Are you saying that by not giving this guy a ride on grounds of tznius, he will feel insulted and it will reinforce a negative attitude towards being frum?
Or are you saying that the ride is to bring him to a kiruv event so he can find his way back?
So much of this depends on who the female and male in question are, what sort of interaction they will have in the car, what the purpose of the ride is, how frequent the ride will be (one time occurrence or regular car-pool), who else is in the car…
A female 30ish mother giving a ride to a rosh yeshiva, is not the same as a 20 yr old college student giving a ride to a fellow college student, is not the same as a female kiruv professional giving a ride to an OTD young man.
my opinion- if he must get to where the female driver is going, and this is the only safe/reasonable way to get there, and it is not going to be something regular, then he should sit in the back, and the driver should play some music or a shiur loudly to discourage conversation. And to address Froggie’s point, considering there is a high-backed seat between him and the driver, he won’t be able to see her from the back – it’s not like walking behind her on a street or sitting behind her on a bus where he would see her walk on/off.
Rebshidduch: 1. Is this a regular thing?
2. Does he talk to you at all?
3. Where is holding Yiddishkeit-wise? Especially in terms of Tznius-issues?
4. Where are you and your friend holding?
5. Are you or your friend uncomfortable with the situation?
6. Does he have another option?
You don’t have to answer the questions to me – those are just the questions that you might want to address for yourself. If the situation bothers you, I think you should ask a Rav. Personally, I think it’s something that needs to be asked to Rav. I certainly don’t feel like I can answer it. (other than saying that if you are going to give him a ride, I think you should drive and he should sit in the back, imho. I think giving him the car keys sounds too friendly).
why not allowed? you have 1 interest & it is the chesed of giving him a ride. he doesnt belong chatting in you & your friends conversation neither in listening. he should just sit & appreciate the free ride he is getting
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