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- This topic has 16 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 9 months ago by MiddlePath.
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February 22, 2012 5:07 pm at 5:07 pm #602166soliekMember
Something I wrote for class that i’m proud of…
The man stepped forward hesitantly, slowly removing his products and placing them on the counter.
The old man turned to wave to the cashier, his sleeve riding up as he did revealing the medical bracelet on his wrist.
February 22, 2012 8:09 pm at 8:09 pm #853477PrincessEagleMemberThis is something so beautifully written, and pulls on the emotions. I hope you got a great grade!
February 22, 2012 9:04 pm at 9:04 pm #853478soliekMemberim not in college. i attend classes at Gotham Writer’s Workshop; the homework isnt graded. as it happens, the assignment didnt really call for this, but this is what i did so ill just have to see what my teacher says. im still proud of this though…
also its better when formatted nicely with properly placed italics
February 22, 2012 10:45 pm at 10:45 pm #853479PrincessEagleMemberOkay, so at least it leaves us to grade it ;-). You know of a good online writing course? Very impressive writing! (regardless of what the topic was “meant” to be on!)
February 23, 2012 1:00 am at 1:00 am #853480soliekMemberDon’t know of any online ones…sorry.
February 23, 2012 3:43 am at 3:43 am #853481LogicianParticipantsoliek -It really is written well, I enjoyed.
Can I ask you a question about the content, really just interested in your opinion –
So what do you propose ? Dan l’chaf zchus is very nice, def. try to do so, but to maneuver through life you need to make assumptions. Must I allow all old people to be unreasonable because they might have alzheimers? (I guess in this story she could have been more patient, but that would be so irregardless of the outcome.)
It reminds me of all the articles you see these days about being tactful. Must we avoid all conversation because maybe one of the listeners has some negative experience with the topic ?
February 23, 2012 4:30 am at 4:30 am #853482☕ DaasYochid ☕ParticipantNice job (although the expression “ticked off” would have been more appropriate for Yeshiva World).
Kind of a modern version of the famous story about R’ Chayim Brisker being abused by an innkeeper until a rebbe came in and recognized him, and R’ Chayim would not accept an apology until the innkeeper accepted to treat every Yid with the proper respect.
February 23, 2012 5:17 am at 5:17 am #853483Think firstMemberMarvelous writing!!
February 23, 2012 5:18 am at 5:18 am #853484Think firstMemberSo well written, I felt like I was watching the scene right ther as if I was on line!! Really!
February 23, 2012 2:45 pm at 2:45 pm #853485soliekMemberLogician: its an interesting question, and i did think about it while writing this piece. We do, indeed, have to make assumptions to get through life expeditiously, but i think the problem with the man in the power suit was how he presented his assumption to the rest of the store. he didn’t have to be so rude. note how the old man is perceived by the man in the power suit, as some old fogy, some nutty old demented weirdo unworthy of the time being afforded him, because the man in the suit was so much more important.
By the way, this comes across in the…unedited…version more strongly. as this was written for goyim in my writing class, i took some liberty with exactly how peppery the man’s language got. obviously, that had to be changed for yeshivaworld.
as for what Daas Yochid said, he’s right, but that was a mistake that apparently evaded the censor.
February 23, 2012 2:56 pm at 2:56 pm #853486LogicianParticipantHmn, I already see from other comments that people are seeing the point of the story differently…
February 23, 2012 3:49 pm at 3:49 pm #853487ToiParticipantDY- It happened with the bais halevi. As heard in brisk chumash shiur.
February 23, 2012 4:19 pm at 4:19 pm #853488MiddlePathParticipantsoliek, what a thought-provoking, well-written, charming little piece.
As Logician pointed out, this piece begs a response to how one should deal with others on a regular basis, and your response definitely shed light on that. If I may add on a little, and say that it goes hand in hand with being perceptive, and thinking about others. The man in the track suit seemed to seriously lack in that area. He considered himself more important than anyone else. Couple that with his obvious impatience, and that’s what you end up with.
It is difficult to deal with people who consider themselves more important than anyone else, because they will never listen to “mussar”, since they consider themselves perfect. It all comes down to haughtiness. If we were more perceptive, more aware of the situations of others, we wouldn’t have to jump to conclusions, we would be more patient, more understanding, and in general, much better people to be around.
February 23, 2012 4:47 pm at 4:47 pm #853489soliekMemberMiddlepath: first of all, i was wondering when youd comment 😛 and you answered your own question in those two paragraphs.
February 23, 2012 8:29 pm at 8:29 pm #853490☕ DaasYochid ☕ParticipantLogician: Hmn, I already see from other comments that people are seeing the point of the story differently…
A sign of good writing.
Toi: Thanks.
February 23, 2012 9:05 pm at 9:05 pm #853491soliekMember“A sign of good writing.”
🙂
February 23, 2012 10:54 pm at 10:54 pm #853492MiddlePathParticipantsoliek, yea, I suppose so. Actually, I didn’t answer any questions, I sort of just went on a rant on something related to your post. But again, great stuff, and keep ’em coming!
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