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I am 30 yrs old single Jewish girl from a traditional family. Hashem had mercy on me and helped me to become spiritually awake recently. I do not know how to make a complete Teshuva. I do not know how to learn the laws and mitzvot properly. I have elevated my knowledge using online sources like lectures, books, and websites. I have reached to the Chabad center and have had few discussions with the wife of the Rabbi there, but that’s about it. I have signed up for Aish partner in Torah, but have not heard back. None is really helping me out the way I hoped.
I am in so much pain and greatly regret all those years that I have missed keeping mitzvot. Every single second that is passing by is a torture for me because I am not aware of the laws, and I am not sure what I am doing right or wrong. I am very smart and truly serious about this, but I am in need of a solid systematic way of teaching. I want to learn Hebrew, I want to read Torah, and learn the practical laws.
I wonder if there are Yeshivas or any educational school for women at my age. Somewhere that is either free of charge or inexpensive.
Let me know if you know of someone whom I can reach out and seek help.
Definitely reach out to Oorah for a Torah Mate, and possibly more.
Good luck.
Unfortunalty really the only place to go is Israel for 6 months or so, While there are things like Partners in Torah, none is as intensive as seminary in Israel.
If Israel is not an option, Id recommend you move to a more relgious community with more orthodox shuls (More than just Chabad houses). You best bets would be NYC or South Florida in the US, but if those arent possible they are in most major US cities. Check the OU website for a list of synangouges
Keep this in mind: What Hashem wants you to do is to constantly try to do what he wants you to do. If you spent hours trying to find a torah mate, it doesn’t make a difference if you find one or not. Hashem rewards you the same amount for the effort whether it brings results or not. If you are trying to do what hashem wants and he hasn’t helped you that much so far, it must be that hashem knows this is the best for you right now. But you are no worse off than a BT who finds the path right away. But keep doing what you’re doing, and you probably will find it easier anyway.
Run a search for Meor / Meor vision programs, or for Rabbi Yosef Lynn. Contact them / him. May Hashem grant you much success, happiness, and peace of mind!
Melody, your story is beautiful, and your motivation is inspirational!! You are a holy bas Yisrael! Do you live near a large Jewish community? You could ask your local Chabad Rabbi if there are other orthodox shuls in the area that you could visit. Also, sometimes organizations including Oorah and Aish need a bit of pushing to let them know you’re serious. Don’t give up! Keep sending them emails, and don’t be scared to call up Aish Rabbis if you get their number. They’re always more than happy to help. Good luck, and keep on truckin! 🙂
Contact Aish Ha’Torah, they have a womens program – Jewel and they arrange for one on one learning – wishing you much hatzlacha
Maybe try calling a kosher restaurant and asking if they have any speakers come in for Jewish classes. Also, try Torah Anytime.
When I first became frum, askmoses.com, torahanytime (especially rabbi wallerstein), and google helped me understand what I was allowed to do and not. I would recommend signing up for daily halachot to get on your email. if you are sefardi, Rabbi Mansour has a daily halacha he sends out, theres also one called halacha yomit. hatzlacha rabba.
There are two organizations called Partners in Torah, one through Aish, and another one based in Passaic, NJ, as well as TorahMates through Oorah. You can also ask Aish/Chabad/Oorah what other resources they have that would be appropriate for your location/interests and if they have other suggestions for you in addition to a learning partner.
Wishing you much success.
Approaching Hashem is done differently for different people. Some people go in a straight line towards Hashem, other people are like an asteroid that orbits to the cold outer spheres of the solar system and then comes back towards the sun.
No years of your life are ever wasted because the second part of the orbit (coming closer to Hashem in your own way) had to be preceeded by the first part if the elliptical orbit.
It’s wonderful that you’ve decided to make teshuvah!
I’m sorry you’re feeling frustrated. But don’t feel like you have to become completely observant overnight. That makes people overwhelmed and burned out. Learn and take things on at your own pace.
Ask the Chabad rebbetzin if you could start meeting with her weekly to learn the halachos of everyday life. She will probably say yes! Ask if she can help kasher your kitchen (her husband may do that for you). Once you’re able to, move within walking distance of the Chabad house (or another Orthodox shul) and attend on Shabbos morning and Yom Tov.
Some advice: Start reading some basic guides to observance. For example, Shaarei Halacha by R’ Greenwald. There are also special books with the laws for women. Tznius is relatively simple: when you’re ready, start wearing only clothes that go past the elbows and knees; avoid very tight clothes or super bright colors; and stop wearing pants. Buy an Artscroll siddur (I like interlinear but there are many options) and start saying the morning blessings, and eventually work up to saying the major other prayers required for women (minchah, and shema and amidah of Shacharit). You’ll find that websites like Aish.com and Chabad.org and others have a lot of good guides to other aspects of basic observance. Pray to Hashem for at least a few minutes each day in your own words, thanking and praising him for everything you can think of, and asking Him to help you with whatever you need (including becoming observant of course), and end by thanking and praising Him some more.
Yes, there are seminaries for Baalos Teshuvah, certainly in Israel, and possibly also in the US. I don’t know any off the top of my head though.
Hatzlachah! Feel free to keep asking questions here!
Please don’t agonize about the past or the fact that you’re not completely observant yet.
As for the past, it is written the Code of Jewish Law, the Shulchan Aruch, that one must always be in the habit of saying, “Everything the Merciful One does is for the good.” In brief, “Gamzu l’tovah,” “This too, for the good.”
Being brought up the way you were was for the best! And it is for the best that you can’t become completely observant overnight (no one can, and if they did, it would overwhelm them and ultimately be counter-productive).
As you say, you are smart and serious. So you will achieve your goal! Just keep working at it and within a short amount of time, you will become completely observant. Explore some different Orthodox Jewish communities and you will find one that suits you soon enough.
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