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i went to the store to buy a lulav.
write a sentence that has something to do with this comment.
and when i got home i realized that it was pasul!
So I went to my neighbor
who is the posek of my city and asked him what to do
And he suggested I show it to a rabbi because this year we don’t fulfill the d’oraita commanment of lulav and it might still be kosher for the d’rabbanan.
to ask him if I should return it. well I wasnt sure if I bought it that way, or it broke in the way
BS”D
and asked him to cash food stamps
and asked for his Etrog.
To see if there was a heter.
BS”D
to purchase the arba minim with food stamps.
And he said “No. It is passul.” I did not know what to do, I had no more money left to buy another.
so… i got in my Lexus LS600h and drove from Brooklyn to Passaic to Lakewood to Monsey and finally to Waterbury where someone gave me money to buy another lulav…
But unforunately, I was unable to get hadassim . . .
BS”D
And instead I used it for gas to fill my gas guzzler while I tried to figure out how I could actually fulfill the mitzvah using lulav hagozul.
But when I got to the store I saw the money he gave me was toy money…
BS”D
So I called Lipa Schmeltzer and offered to sell him GELT to throw at his next concert.
I was in trouble . What should I do now?
I started to pray for a miracle.
BS”D
And then I remembered my Fetter Shmeel, who gives out free money.
All of a sudden a clown walked into the store and squirted me with a hose
while standing outside the store deep in concentration praying for the miracle, the police towed my double parked Lexus LS600h
When I went to pick it up from the police station I almost fainted they couldnt release it because I owed over 2000 dollars in fines, oh vey now I needed to pay
all of a sudden my nose was very itchy, and my four cellphones all began to ring a t the same time
Who shold I answer first? Everything is a mess
i decided to take the call from my broker first
I hung up on him right away when I heard his bad news
Then I decided to answer to my wife…
She told me the dentist wants me to call him back
she called to say that she had just won the lottery and I should first tell Jothar “I told you so” and then buy her a nice ya’alom esrog 🙂
So I went home, grabbed the ticket, and called back my stock broker.
BS”D
And I asked him to buy 1000 shares of “Keren HaTzvi” mutual fund which invests in esrog plantations throughout Antarctica.
The secretary of Keren HaTzvi said that Antarctica is stuffed, and they are now working on Iceland
Iceland, Wow , What a great place to grow esrogim. I thought
And thats when I found out, that all I won was a grand total of 18 dollars. And most of it had to go to taxes anyway.
I still had enough to give to tzedaka
In the meantime I was at the police station not knowing what to do I owed tons of money no esrog, no lulav and no money to take out my lexus.
BS”D
So, I left the police station and called my friend Hymie the Hymishe Insurance Adjuster to find out how to report the car stolen.
Just then a guy named Elchonon came around and bailed my car out with a smile. “Whenever you need me just call “Chuni”
Hymie was not in the office he was in the federal kollel. his message said he would be back in his office in 3-5…
So i started to wait and pray for a miracle to come about before my phone call to be made
years, but was looking for a shidduch for his daughter. Big Swiss
And my accountant was in the same kollel and has a son!
All of a sudden, a nice looking Rolls Royce whooshed by
No car, no esrog, no lulav and now no shidduch ay vey I really need to pray and fast for a miracle to come right now
My cousin started to say Hi from the window of the Rolls Royce, wow, Prayer does help I thought
BS”D
The Rolls Royce was reported stolen from the estate of the late Michael Jackson.
He threw me a backpack full of diamonds, and a 30-vol. list of shidduchim
Wow I thought. What a nice guy this cousin of mine
At which point I decided to take areivim’s advice and put the money in my pocket, and go do a tashlich/kapparos combo
BS”D
The diamonds were of the same origin as the Rolls, and the shidduchim were all with girls from kanoishe or Federal Koilel families.
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