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i’m not a little kid!!! how young do you think i am anyway??!!
hey am i even the youngest? how old is aussieboy??
…& i could break the rules just as easily as moish01 could.
did you ever watch The Seal of Truth video – it gives a fairly graphic image of why you should control your actions – google it – i am not vouching for its accuracy but i think most of things said are brought down in gemorah –
In Parshas Nitzavim 29:18 the Ramban quotes the Gemara in Sukka 52 and explains as follows in regard to going after ones negative desires. The more you “eat” the hungrier you get. The Gemara says “Masbiyo Raeiv, mar’eevo soveya” which means satisfying your hunger will make you hungrier, and starving your “hunger” will keep you full(satisfied).The Ramban goes on to explain that giving in to your desires will eventually lead you to desire that which you never desired before. Unfortunately I have seen firsthand that this is 100% true- not that the Ramban needs me to vouch for his words.
HOWEVER, nobody should ever write themselves off as hopeless because one definitely can overcome it no matter if you slipped a few times. Hashem doesn’t ask us for the impossible.
joyous, thank you, something i will keep in mind with regard to my own “hungers.”
~a~
This discussion is making me thirsty.
joyous: Definitly true.
SAS- I watched the video but these stories seem so distant and far-fetched that it’s hard to translate into something for your own life.
joyous – i don’t know – i kind of felt like it could be me – tomorrow – and what would I say! and it helps when i’m too tired to get up to daven – or feel like skipping shul – i think of the whole experience and it helps me focus and usually gets me up and at ’em.
ames I was ABOUT to say that. 🙂
ames: Thats not true
Say you’ll give money to Tzedakah every time you do it. After a while you wont want to give away money, so you’ll hopefully stop. I don’t know if this works for this but if you say you’ll learn two Halachos of Shmiras Haloshon and you can davan for whatever you want. The Chofetz Chaim goes and pleads on your behalf in front of Hashem. I’m not one who’s really into these type of things, they never work, but I did it once and looked for something and I found it. My sister lost something really important, she thought someone stole it, and I told her to do it and she found it. It won’t hurt to try.
ames and kapusta, I don’t know if that’s true. People can really want to quit a bad habit. They are so sure, though, that there are times that they so absolutely NEEEEED whatever it is, that they just don’t know what to do. On one hand, they know it’s bad for them, on the other hand, what will they do when they need the “habit?” It’s more a fear of withdrawal than of not wanting to kick it.
~a~
squeak: want milk to go with the cookies???
SAS- you’re a good man. You are definitely right. It’s funny because I thought my Emuna was pretty good but I guess not as good as yours.
ames, kapusta- I think I’d also have a hard time punishing myself. I would definitely feel very bad about what I did and for not having self control. I think that’s kind of like a punishment, the bad feeling afterwards. It sounds like moish is not happy about his habit otherwise he wouldn’t have asked.
my post didn’t go yesterday, but basically:
ames- I completely disagree
joyous and anonymisss
theres punishing and theres punishing. the example that came up in this thread was eating cookies and the one (I think) I gave is going on a treadmill. not killing yourself but making yourself doing something that you dont want to. depends which one you want less the habit or the punishment. no one wants to actually punish themselves but if someone has exhausted all other options theyre willing to go as far as punishing. 🙂
kapusta, it seems like you’re not really understanding either what the bad habit is or what it’s all about. You might think differently if you knew.
~a~
kapusta- if cookies were the problem the treadmill would be a great idea. For some bad habits however, the solution is just will power, there’s no getting around it.
joyous: For some bad habits however, the solution is just will power, there’s no getting around it.
will power, and actually wanting to change!!! if the person’s not 100% devoted to wanting to change the bad habit, it’s not ganna happen!!!
thank you Jax! 🙂
Wasn’t this thread started by someone who wanted to change a bad habit? I think he wants to change but was hoping for an easy way which of course thre isn’t.
moish: sorry if i sounded tough, but it’s the truth! i’ve been there too trying to break a bad habit, and i learned if you don’t really want to change it’s not ganna happen! hatzlacha moish!
I think it’s possible to really want to change and at the same time feel like change is impossible. It’s really, really hard to change a bad habit that makes you feel good. The thought of not having the habit in your life could be really overwhelming. Good luck with it, moish!
~a~
anonymisss: i think that’s true.
sometimes what helps with that is having your goal being “i’m not gonna do it the next time i want to”. not trying to change yourself forever but focusing on the immediate challenge of the next time this happens, saying i may only overcome it once, but that’s better than not at all.
In order to break a bad middah (or habit) go to the opposite extreme. You’ll end up somewhere in the middle.
22oldgold: that’s more for middos (which is what you said). not sure if that could always work for a habit – what’s the extreme opposite of eating too many cookies, for example? the person should stop eating entirely?
moish, that doesn’t mean I don’t think you can change. I see that you really do want to change this habit and I believe you are capable of doing so. It seems, though, that the temptation is very strong and you are currently battling with this issue. Keep fighting!
~a~
moish01: i think the main thing is your attitude once you “bounce back”. try not to see it as being back where you started, but just a temporary fall before getting back up & climbing higher. focus on how horrible it feels after you did it & decide that next time, and just next time for now, you won’t do it.
ames, I wrote a whole post arguing with you and then reread yours and understood what you meant. moish has to be willing to punish himself really strongly any time he gives in to temptation. I don’t know if anyone would do it but maybe it would work. Also, if there’s nobody else involved it’s hard to stick to it and actually carry through with the punishment. I think I would say this is the last time and NEXT time I’ll punish myself.
anonymisss
Member
I think it’s possible to really want to change and at the same time feel like change is impossible. It’s really, really hard to change a bad habit that makes you feel good. The thought of not having the habit in your life could be really overwhelming. Good luck with it, moish!
~a~
Posted 22 hours ago #
an open book
Member
anonymisss: i think that’s true.
sometimes what helps with that is having your goal being “i’m not gonna do it the next time i want to”. not trying to change yourself forever but focusing on the immediate challenge of the next time this happens, saying i may only overcome it once, but that’s better than not at all.
an open book
Member
moish01: i think the main thing is your attitude once you “bounce back”. try not to see it as being back where you started, but just a temporary fall before getting back up & climbing higher. focus on how horrible it feels after you did it & decide that next time, and just next time for now, you won’t do it.
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VERY WELL SAID! moish- I think you can gain a lot of insight by internalizing these posts- not just reading
PS- I’m sure it took a lot of courage to call that Rabbi. I’m really wow’ed by your strength of character. Anything you put your mind to- You CAN do it!
I don’t care how it happened. I don’t care if that Rabbi called your house, not even to talk to you, about something totally unrelated. The point is you spoke about your habit/addiction/problem. I’m impressed and you can’t undo it- SORRY! 🙂
moish, I think that was a smart thing you did, moish. I’m quite impressed.
~a~
moish01: The diffrence between addiction and habit is that addiction you physically cannot stop doingor you will be physically hurt while a habit is just something you want to do really badly, but if you tried hard enough to stop yourself you would be able.
ames: addiction and temptation are two extremly diffrent things.
moish01: People are usually surprised when they are expecting the opposite. Just kidding 😉
aussie, I don’t think an addiction has to be only something that will be physically hurtful if stopped.
moish, yeah, you probably won’t like this and I’m saying it anyway because you asked. I think that when a person is in a situation of this kind, it’s hard to think straight. I’m impressed that you’re able to “step out of it” and see it for what it is. Ok, maybe smart wasn’t the right word to use.
~a~
and I didn’t say I was surprised.
~a~
ames: Yes.
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