Home › Forums › Decaffeinated Coffee › Breaking Habits
- This topic has 172 replies, 18 voices, and was last updated 15 years, 2 months ago by areivimzehlazeh.
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March 25, 2009 4:34 am at 4:34 am #657202anonymisssParticipant
Nah, if you’re not really interested in hearing, I’m not here to bother or aggravate you, y’know.
~a~
March 25, 2009 5:38 am at 5:38 am #657203kapustaParticipantmoish interesting picture… but i guess thats the way it really is with a bad habit
try, whenever you “eat a cookie” make yourself do something that you really hate to do after. say do an hour on a treadmill per cookie, every time you think of doing it, you’ll associate the enjoyment of the cookie with the treadmill and you’ll start to hate the habit itself 🙂
March 25, 2009 11:58 am at 11:58 am #657204joyousMemberor you crash every once in a while- which could be worse.
why is it worse? to give in once in a while is nto good but certainly better than all the time.
March 25, 2009 1:10 pm at 1:10 pm #657205seeallsidesParticipantthere is no easy formula for breaking a bad habit – especially one that has given you so much grief in the past – stop looking for an easy formula – obviously it is a tough habit to break- and it does not make you happy – i think you have to come to terms with the fact that you are the master and the habit is not –
so now – take advantage of everybody’s advice – and Prepare Yourself – you are AT WAR.
1)get rid of the ability to do the habit – get rid of the cookies – the books, program your computer to turn off automatically after whatever time your limit should be-
2)visualize what you will do when temptation hits –
– i will repeat these 10 catch phrases – i will look at my list
– i will remember how i feel afterwards, etc. etc.
3)realize what a great accomplishment it will be when you can say – 1 month ok, 1 year ok, 5 years ok etc.
4)Distract yourself – get busy, get involved, help someone…..
5)find reasons why your bad habit is offensive – (i had so much trouble stopping to bite my nails – even on shabbos i’m embarrassed to say) and then i heard someone say that chewing on your nails is like eating neveilah) and i couldn’t get rid of my nails – so i kept on thinking neveilah, neveilah…… and i stopped
6)if you slip – you can’t beat up on yourself, just start again – if you focus on the failure you will not be able to start up again – but if you remember that you were successful for x times, you can focus on the success. It’s a great success – it is hard to break a habit.
sorry if this is more than you want……. you sound like a great guy – hang in there!
March 25, 2009 3:40 pm at 3:40 pm #657206moish01Memberkapusta, wouldn’t work because i would never “punish” myself. i’m not exactly the most disciplined guy…
joyous, why could it be worse? to keep with our example – instead of eating one cookie you eat a whole box.
March 25, 2009 3:54 pm at 3:54 pm #657207anonymisssParticipantok, anonymisss (why am i doing this to myself??) what was it?
Moish, I wasn’t going to tell you that you belong in school or that you should at least be working. All I was going to say is that you can make yourself an asset to your family and friends by making a point of going out of your way to do one nice thing for someone that you wouldn’t normally do. Will that give you something to do all day? No. It will make you be able to go to sleep at night (or whenever) and say, “I did something of value today.” That is all.
~a~
March 25, 2009 4:21 pm at 4:21 pm #657209moish01Memberanonymisss, i visit the old age home every day 😉 ames can testify.
seeallsides (you do see plenty of sides!),
- impossible.
- i could try but it won’t stop me forever
- yeah right
- … no comment… (and that wouldn’t either stop me forever)
- sure. every time i find myself stuck in it i think “gehenom”
really, it’s not the immediate that’s the problem. that i could control. but in the long run a ALWAYS manage to fall back. again and again. so even if i have control i know it’s only temporary.
March 25, 2009 4:29 pm at 4:29 pm #657211anonymisssParticipantmoish, I am totally serious. That answer will not be accepted. Sorry.
March 25, 2009 5:07 pm at 5:07 pm #657212moish01Memberhey i’m not selfish, but what do yo want me to do? i hardly even leave my house anymore. i’m nice to my mother and my siblings. so what else?
March 25, 2009 5:17 pm at 5:17 pm #657213moish01MemberI think you know how to avoid your bad habits but you’re in the worst possible situation to work on it.
joyous, care to explain what that meant? i’m blank.
March 25, 2009 8:37 pm at 8:37 pm #657214areivimzehlazehParticipantmoish- a few points:
– davening for help is not only to help stop doing aveiros, it’s for all aspects of life.
– it helps to have someone physically involved. A while back, a sibling of mine helped kick a very bad habit/aveira. She just took the situation/fight out my hands and I never had to deal with it again. She explained it was a ‘lion teivah’- something that rears it’s head at the most inconvenient, unexpected, spotty, sudden moments and we have almost no control over it. Once you are in the middle- you can’t stop. So we need to be proactive. Get someone involved, to help, to prevent. You never know- many times they have new ideas that work. Or- they can help implement known ideas (not argue that it’s “impossible” or won’t work!)
PS- please excuse any confusion, have a massive headache
March 25, 2009 8:44 pm at 8:44 pm #657215moish01Memberareivim, i have two things in my head and i don’t know which one you’re thinking.
March 25, 2009 9:07 pm at 9:07 pm #657216areivimzehlazehParticipantmind games… do you think we have telepathy? if so you should be able to narrow it down… right… about… now! ;);)
March 25, 2009 9:10 pm at 9:10 pm #657217areivimzehlazehParticipantfunny moish- I couldn’t decide between 2, then realized 1 of them was semi discussed here already, so…
March 25, 2009 9:12 pm at 9:12 pm #657218moish01Memberno can do. forget it. it’s a lost cause.
March 25, 2009 9:19 pm at 9:19 pm #657219moish01Memberneither of them were discussed here… unless i missed it. you wanna point out what you meant by that??
March 25, 2009 9:49 pm at 9:49 pm #657220kapustaParticipantmoish theres punishing and theres punishing. it could work if youre willing to follow through with the “punishment” 🙂
March 25, 2009 9:50 pm at 9:50 pm #657221joyousMembermoish, you said that your whole life is “one bored waste of time”. Well such a situation gives rise to the problem you’re struggling with. I think SAS had good tactics but it seems like you feel your problem is too big for those ideas. But as many posters have said there is NO easy way. Try to limit your exposure to cookies and when you feel the problem starting use the methods mentioned- distraction, leave wherever you are, remind yourself how bad you’ll feel after…(maybe I am way off base and am thinking of the wrong issue, but I don’t think so)
areivim, may I know what ‘the book’ is?
March 25, 2009 10:20 pm at 10:20 pm #657223kapustaParticipantjoyous check your transmitter 😉
March 25, 2009 10:27 pm at 10:27 pm #657224joyousMemberkapusta-what?!
March 25, 2009 10:30 pm at 10:30 pm #657225kapustaParticipantmind games… do you think we have telepathy? if so you should be able to narrow it down… right… about… now! ;);)
areivim, may I know what ‘the book’ is?
🙂
March 25, 2009 10:32 pm at 10:32 pm #657226moish01Memberjoyous, in other words, i gotta change my whole life to maybe change this one thing. maybe if i had more yiras shomayim.
March 25, 2009 11:19 pm at 11:19 pm #657227kapustaParticipantmoish, not to start hammering you (again) but maybe this is the way to change, youve said many times on here that you are not happy the way you are now… one step at a time is the way to go 🙂
March 25, 2009 11:24 pm at 11:24 pm #657228moish01Memberi never said i’m not happy! find one place where i said that!
March 25, 2009 11:36 pm at 11:36 pm #657229postsemgirlMembermoish01: If I understand what you are trying to talk about, I had/have a similar struggle and I went to many people to ask them what to do and basically they said to get more yiras shamaim. I said thanks that really helps but I am still struggling and not getting anywhere. no one can understand a specific person’s struggle and everyone struggles differently. everyone has to figure out what works for them. Maybe when I find out what works for me I’ll let you know. If it helps, your not the only one out there struggling!
March 25, 2009 11:54 pm at 11:54 pm #657230aussieboyParticipantmosih01: A common misconception that because your not doing the right thing it means your not happy.
postemgirl: If I understand correctly what he is talking abou then I dont think you know what he is talking about.
March 26, 2009 12:00 am at 12:00 am #657231moish01Memberaussie, wait, because she’s a girl? it’s different, but maybe yes.
by the way you’re a little off in your thinking
March 26, 2009 12:07 am at 12:07 am #657232joyousMemberaussie- postsem can have a similar struggle to moish
moish, no need to change your whole life although it would make things easier. Use methods mentioned above for when you are face to face with the challenge.
March 26, 2009 12:09 am at 12:09 am #657233aussieboyParticipantObviously im way off
March 26, 2009 12:17 am at 12:17 am #657235strivingMemberlol this whole misunderstanding what the habit is cracks me up!
March 26, 2009 12:18 am at 12:18 am #657236aussieboyParticipantstriving: Misunderstanding? You sound like you know what it is.
March 26, 2009 12:20 am at 12:20 am #657237strivingMemberaussieboy: i totally don’t. that’s what makes it so funny…
March 26, 2009 12:21 am at 12:21 am #657238aussieboyParticipantmoish01: Is there a reason you cant just say what it is?
March 26, 2009 12:22 am at 12:22 am #657239anonymisssParticipantI narrowed it down to 2 choices and I have no clue which it is.
~a~
March 26, 2009 12:23 am at 12:23 am #657240moish01Memberaussie, i don’t think you’re that way off, but let’s drop it before this gets out of hand.
March 26, 2009 12:23 am at 12:23 am #657241anonymisssParticipantaussie, I wonder if mods would let it through.
~a~
March 26, 2009 12:26 am at 12:26 am #657242moish01Memberaussie, yeh this place is supposed to be rated G
March 26, 2009 12:36 am at 12:36 am #657243aussieboyParticipantmoish01: Ok then im not way off.
March 26, 2009 1:09 am at 1:09 am #657244postsemgirlMembermoish01: who were you talking to when you said
“by the way you’re a little off in your thinking”
March 26, 2009 2:49 am at 2:49 am #657246kapustaParticipantmaybe we should kick AOB out if shes under 13… moish I dont remember where you said it but you definitely implied it a few times. just in case I missed the boat on this one, are you really happy now? 🙂 I think I’m pretty sure what youre talking about but if you dont start somewhere then how is it supposed to change? 🙂
March 26, 2009 8:26 am at 8:26 am #657247moish01Membersure i’m happy most of the time. (and no one’s ALWAYS happy so don’t go there.)
kapusta, i think the age is 18, actually.
ames, example?
March 26, 2009 8:30 am at 8:30 am #657248aussieboyParticipantmoish01: age for what?
ames: Not an easy thing to punish yourself.
March 26, 2009 8:36 am at 8:36 am #657249moish01Memberwell kapusta said we might needa kick out AOB if she’s under 13. i wanted to clarify and make that age 18…
March 26, 2009 8:42 am at 8:42 am #657250aussieboyParticipantwhy 18? im confused why would we need to kick her out even if she was under 13?
**EDIT**
Oh. i get it now, I guess he was referring to PG13, and R is 17.
March 26, 2009 8:45 am at 8:45 am #657251JaxMemberif the cr legal age was 18….you too would not be here!!! i’m just sayin!!!
March 26, 2009 8:56 am at 8:56 am #657253moish01Memberwho says i do everything so legally? 😉
March 26, 2009 9:00 am at 9:00 am #657254aussieboyParticipantJax: Not really he would have just lied about his age 😉
March 26, 2009 9:02 am at 9:02 am #657255JaxMembermoish: oh no!!!!
March 26, 2009 9:05 am at 9:05 am #657256JaxMemberlucky for you too no legal age here!!! sweet dreams you 2!!! i’m really goin now!!!
March 26, 2009 9:08 am at 9:08 am #657257aussieboyParticipantJAX: OUR MINYAN!!!!!! oh well i guess i wont be able to daven with a minyan today 😉
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