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Another unbalance in shidduchim: the girls parents get to meet the boy from the start, while the boys parents are completely in the dark! If there’s any moms of boys out there, you wanana talk about your experiences? Do some boys meet the girls earlier in the dating process too?
Come on over and meet my daughter! And bring your son! I agree with you one hundred percent!
For a girl to meet the parents of every boy she dates is a huge emotional investment for her. Boys can handle the meetings without getting hopes up, etc. I have heard about the mother of the boy going to some neutral location that she has heard the girl will be at in order to get a look at her (hence the reason many girls in the parsha feel it necessary – possibly for good reason – to look their best at every simcha they go to). I’m not saying that this is the right way to do things, but it would be a pity for a girl to become emotionally invested right off the bat at the first date upon meeting the parents of the boy.
Um I don’t know that one should make a general statement that ‘boys can handle it’ in regards to emotional investment. It’s hard for us too, we just don’t (like to) show it. I still get uncomfortable when I bump into parents of girls that I have dated.
😀 Zuberman! 😀
There’s nothing wrong with a general statement when it is true. You are uncomfortable when you meet them because it is akward. If you are confusing that with the emotions of meeting and being turned down, then you don’t even know what emotional means. What a boy!
If guys can do it on every date, girls who have less dates certainly should be able to man up to it.
No experience on this level, but I do have experience with MOTHER-IN-LAWS…
dbwcbb- you can definitely ask the shadchan to meet the girl your son is dating.
I was asked to meet mothers of a few of the boys I dated, but it was always after 2-3 dates. It wasn’t a big deal, we usually met in a far-out Starbucks and shmoozed for 10 minutes.
After my fourth date with my husband, he took me to meet his parents at his house. A little awkward, but again not a big deal.
Good luck!
the chassidim the parents meet the girl/boy even befor they meet each other….
seems like the chassidisha girls survive and it’s quite successfull and waaay less stressful!
I had no problem trusting my two older boys and did not need to meet their dates until they believed there was some substance and some reason for us to meet her. They did NOT get engaged immediately after we met them and we did not push them to. We allowed them to handle things themselves with our support.
My youngest who is currently dating and in a whole different category as the others, is currently dating someone that I knew before he did. This young very adorable young lady is always out our home. They don’t spend as much time at her home as they do here so we got to know her better than the other side.
I think it is up to the kids the way they want to handle it and no one should put pressure on them because they feel enough pressure to begin with. What is the point of parents going to meet the girl and tagging along? Especially on the first date when there may not be a second date? It makes the boy look immature and too dependent on his mommy and daddy. If the kids are old enough and mature enough to get married, give them some space and be patient.
I know a mother who is trying to save her son some time. When he gets home for Bain Ha’Zaminim, he “needs” to date seriously. To save him time, the mother “pre-dates” the girls. She will meet 3 or 4 young ladies for a cup of coffee and chose which ones he should date. So, here the girl meets the boy’s mother before meeting the boy!
“the chassidim the parents meet the girl/boy even befor they meet each other….
seems like the chassidisha girls survive and it’s quite successfull and waaay less stressful! “
Makes one wonder why the whole shiduch crisis is less of an ishue by chasidim.
Haleivi: no I am talking about bumping into parents of girls where there was real emotional investment. You know what was worse? Bumping into the girl herself.
Thankfully I got through it with the help of some close friends
Zuberman!
So obviously the answer is everyone should do what works for them.
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