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I have noticed this trend recently and I think its appalling. I’m a bit disgusted to find bnai torah so concerned with how their friends will see their wives.
In my days it was good enough that a woman be a big baalas midos, a huge baalas chassed, a gargantuan machshiv torah, and most importantly to be her husbands biggest fan. Unfortunately, today eichah a woman like that is yushvuh buddud. The dor we live in is a terrible dor. In fact its the worst dor i ever lived in. I spit on this dor.
I am talking about bnai torah who seem more concerned about what their friends will think when they see their wife than whether she is the right person for THEM.
One can just imagine the thoughts going through his mind as he struts with his prize-winning wife out of yeshiva on shabbos morning:
“Look at me. Look who I am. I’m such a baal mussar. I’ve spent years toiling in torah, working on myself to get to this point. I think only of pnimius. I deserve a wife who everyone will look at and know that I will be the next gadol hador. I have got the fattest wife in town.”
In these times we need to speek and write only the true good of our dor.
there has never been a dor with so much chesed…
there has never been a dor with so many nisyonos and still stand so strong…
there has never been a dor wit so much torah…
moshiach will come to us – very soon
“Azoi vi es goyisht zich azoi yiddisht zich”
Monkey see, monkey do.
Many among us vie for the ~supposed~ good life, chock full of eye candy, coupled with all the comforts of life, all being portrayed as the recipe for happiness, self worth and social success in secular media.
Happy Bain Hazmanin Bar shattya.
thank you choppy it seems like BS (pun intended) was the first reply to that one so he should’ve known about it
Secondly, when did he get married without telling us?
Are we serious? How is it that youre so in touch with the motivations for and selection process involved in bnei torah choosing their wives? a man must be attracted to his wife, perhaps this was his motivation for choosing her? Or, equally likely, perhaps it was a pleasant extra on a baalas midos with all of your listed qualities?
if i may venture a suggestion, maybe you should consider spending less time checking out the wives of bnei torah and focus on becoming a ben torah… i believe this to be the bigger lesson from your post.
but how can you possibly know that that was his motivation, the evidence in front of you is a man with a woman who you have deemed attractive. Does not this sound like you could possibly be jumping to conclusions? perhaps looking with an eye to cynical for a ben torah? Your brother was so quick to jump to your defence but i dont mean to criticise, au contraire my good friend, i seek to increase judging favourably.
In my dor all anyone looked for was a dolt
the people you’re speaking about are not bnei torah. they only look like it externally.
I never thought like that and don’t recall ever having met anyone who did. I guess I don’t associate with such people.
Guys – i think you’ve all got the wrong end of the stick. Bar Shatya is making a point completely the opposite – how people don’t marry attractive wives because they are scared they will be labelled trophy wives, and prefer the opposite kind.
NOTE:
I think only of pnimius. I deserve a wife who everyone will look at and know that I will be the next gadol hador. I have got the fattest wife in town.
I always knew that looks are important to men. But this thread is scaring the daylights out of me! Why would a man want other men to check out his wife?! A woman should always dress in a way that is pleasing to her husband, but to attract the attention of other men?! I’m glad i’m not their wife!
I’m at least glad BS has only one month of Bein Hazmanim in the summer
yekke2:
“Guys – i think you’ve all got the wrong end of the stick. Bar Shatya is making a point completely the opposite – how people don’t marry attractive wives because they are scared they will be labelled trophy wives, and prefer the opposite kind”.
Funnyyyyy. Very rare. I havent heard one guy tell me or any other Shadchan that they want a heavy or unattractive wife.
MSS: I’m seeking a heavy wife.
How many candidates can you send my way?
oc, “MSS: I’m seeking a heavy wife.
How many candidates can you send my way”?
Many more than you need, unfortunately.
I always knew that looks are important to men. But this thread is scaring the daylights out of me! Why would a man want other men to check out his wife?! A woman should always dress in a way that is pleasing to her husband, but to attract the attention of other men?! I’m glad i’m not their wife!
There needs to be a delicate balance. In general, what is attractive to her husband will also be attractive to other men as well.
The woman must not dress provocatively, and other men must control their yetzer haras. What that balance is exactly… well, I suppose it depends on who you ask.
Bar Shattya – the irony of your piece has been lost on nearly everybody here
If I had to use a guidline, the one Johnny Lingo used to choose his wife would be a good place to start.
==============================================
“I’m seeking a heavy wife.”
Fret not, OC.. heavy is just around the corner!
Now you see why I hate this dor.
That’s okay. We don’t hate you back.
The Wolf
Bar Shattya – I was rolling from your OP. Deserves post of the century award for the irony and wit it contains. Its a shame it went over most people’s heads though, or as areivim would say, it went 747. (areivim, if you’re lurking was that shout out enough to get you to come visit?)
Funnyyyyy. Very rare. I havent heard one guy tell me or any other Shadchan that they want a heavy or unattractive wife.
Sorry, this wasn’t my idea. I was just explaining what Bar Shattya wrote – with brilliant wit, i believe – which apparently was missed by most people. Poppa, Charlie Brown and On the Ball all got the joke [or rant, if he really is crackers].
+1 Bar Shattya!!!
For those of you still not following: Read through the OP’s rant, and then re-read it. Take a deep breath and count till ten. Then, read again the last paragraph, about the guy thinking to himself. Penny’s dropped???
Poppa, Charlie Brown and On the Ball all got the joke
To be fair, I was sitting next to him.
[or rant, if he really is crackers]
This is more accurate.
Wow, are people really taking this seriously?
Chuck -You really think we didn’t get it?
syag, of course you got the joke, I never doubted you would with your keen wit and intellect (unsolicited compliment for ya as per your request last week).
I was referring to most of the previous posters on this thread (other than Goq, yekke and on the ball) who were criticizing him for valuing looks over hashkafos. (I suppose I should be dan lkaf zchus that they got the joke but were trying to out-troll the troll).
popa – you were sitting next to him teaching him how to start a popa troll thread? Can I join this course?
🙂
But who was teaching whom?
Why would anyone want a trophy that you can’t display?
I have noticed this trend recently and I think its appalling. I’m a bit disgusted to find bnai torah so concerned with how their friends will see their wits.
In my days it was good enough that a guy be a big baal midos, a huge baal chassed, a gargantuan machshiv torah, and most importantly to be his friends biggest fan. Unfortunately, today eichah a guy like that is yushvuh buddud. The dor we live in is a terrible dor. In fact its the worst dor i ever lived in. I spit on this dor.
I am talking about bnai torah who seem more concerned about what their friends will think when they see their wits than whether it is the right way to utilize it for THEM.
One can just imagine the thoughts going through his mind as he types his mind-bending chapp on yeshivawn/cr on tuesday morning:
“Look at me. Look who I am. I’m such a baal mussar. I’ve spent years toiling in torah, working on myself to get to this point. I think only of pnimius. I deserve a post everyone will look at and know that I will be the next gadol hador. I’m such a troll.”
ohr chodesh -“MSS: I’m seeking a heavy wife.
How many candidates can you send my way?”
Seriously, after living in Lakewood many years and seeing many newlyweds, most look for attractive wives. After a few years you can’t tell anymore what the guy wanted. The ones that marry the ugly, fat ones is usually due to money that they get; but of course not always. Not e/o in this world is shallow, just most!
Medium Size Shadchan:
“oc, “MSS: I’m seeking a heavy wife.
How many candidates can you send my way”?
Many more than you need, unfortunately.”
I’m sorry, you don’t deserve to be a shadchan.
Not all trolls are witty. Not all wit is troll. Sometimes true sarcasm can appear trollish not because the post was intended to start an argument, but because people just don’t get it.
The dor we live in is a terrible dor. In fact its the worst dor i ever lived in.
Classic line.
Where is Bar Shattya these days?
I respectfully ask that the title of this thread be changed. Is it really appropriate and kavodik to use a phrase like “trophy wives”? The image that this phrase evokes….
Suggest a replacement term.
Wanting to be seen in a positive light by others is a very human trait. The fact that that translates into having wives who are beauties (physically) is something we can all blame ourselves for, as a society.
Maybe we should put more obvious emphasis on the right things.
Now, it goes without saying that doing things just because of what others think, or trying to get others to look is a terrible thing. (Even if it’s a human tendency.) And yes, bnai Torah should be most aware of that and they should be the last ones marrying, or doing anything else for that reason.
Bottom line: we are all works in progress.
The original post is about a man who married his wife because she was fat.
This is actually really funny.
(***May be the only way anyone will marry me, but oh well***)
Actually very funny and clever. And disturbingly plausible.
Not so plausible, but yes, funny.
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