Blame the shadchanim

RebDoniel: you do know that Chazal said shemona esra lchupa, right? (Before you pounce, I’m not condoning it as an absolute, but you are way off base…)

And be aware that the older – and probably more jaded – you are, the less “romantic” your marriage will be. And there is no greater humanitarian work than taking care of your own precious kids, who hopefully will not call you Dr. dad. Life is not a bed of roses, but postponing marriage seems like a cop-out to me. Good luck!

Interesting that this thread is called, “Blame the shadchanim.”

Everyone is searching for places to place the blame for their problems with shidduchim. We have the age gap theory, the vile vicious mothers of boys theory, the ridiculous useless resume theory, and now- the incompetent unreasonable shadchan theory.

Anyone with a functional brain and moderate reading skills perusing some of the posts above, will buy the complaining singles a mirror and say, “Ladies & gentlemen, the fault lies not in your shadchanim, but in yourselves.”

Rav Aharon Soloveichik, zt”l, rejects the whole romanticized way we conceive of bashert. A person can fall for many people in their lifetimes. Each one seems like “the one,” only for the entire shidduch to end in heartbreak.

I agree that a person can have multiple “bashert”s. In fact, I dated other men who probably would have been right for me had we each been in a different stage of life. It just didn’t work out at that point in time. B”h I am very happy with how things turned out 🙂

I am not saying that there is only one “right” person. However, before you call someone picky for waiting around, remember that there are many, many “wrong”s.