Best Proposal Stories

I think an elaborate proposal is a cop out from having to actually express your feelings.

BoredStiff, are you talking about a frum proposal or a goyisha one?

I remember seeing one (a frum one) where the girl loved shopping at target and her chosson got them to play some chevra song on all the tvs in the electronics section and had her friend bring her to target.When she got to the electronics section he rolled(a cart) over to her with flowers and a ring. I dont think she even noticed the video. It was real cheesy. I apologize if the guy who did this is reading this(it was still “smart and original”. On a similar note I remember one of my sister’s friends saying she thought it was so romantic to be proposed to in a walmart(as that is where she would most likely go on her first date).

Wolf, that is actually my plan(the ring part). I hope they still make those chocolate rings from Israel when I meet someone and am ready to get married…and I will probably eat the ring myself before she gets to it.

I always wondered that.

A guy says, “will you marry me”

she says, “yes”

He gives her a ring.

If there were eidim, how are they not married?

popa_bar_abba – In response to your question, yes the boy is not allowed to hand her the ring. When I got engaged (B”H I’m married now with a few kids KA”H) my Chosson put the ring down – didn’t actually hand it to me. He also reminded me that it’s not Kiddushin. (He actually had it waiting for me in the car when he came to pick me up…)

Isnt giving a ring direct, a problem of kesef kidushin?

In my case, the matter is now academic.

In any event, can it be said that it is kesef kiddushin when both parties know and understand that it’s not and that there will be an actual kiddushin later on?

In other words, if both parties agree that the ring is NOT for kiddushin, then how could you possibly say that it is?

The Wolf

I second Wolf’s question.

Aidim.

If the proposal is done in private, or even with only family there, there are no aidim and there are no questions; it CAN NOT be for Kiddushin.

Alt: If the ring has a stone, we Paskin it can not be used for Kiddushin as is (see Keddushin 7b-8a).

It is pretty customary these days that the boy gives the girl a bracelet when he proposes. It is a token gift. The ring is usually given beofore the “vort”.

A diamond ring isn’t really for Kedushin. A Kedushin ring has to be a lot cheaper.

Poster–It took me awhile to get what he meant.

its actually chavi and yossi…i know them, and i think it was very cute…smile E. btw, her name is chava raizel

The guy took her sky diving… They get to the open door, the guy as he’s jumping out shouts “I can’t think of anyone i’d rather take the plunge with.”

The girl looks out and says to herself “I can’t think of anyone I would take this plunge with!” They didn’t end up together.

The maccabeats proposal had eidim, so why wasn’t the marriage consummated then and there?

bein_hasdorim, is that story a joke?

I don’t know if this is an urban legend or not. When I was around 10 years old I hear it.

There was a school play and they had a “marriage” scene. Two kids, over bar/bat mitzvah went up, said Harei at with others around and he handed her a ring. It was part of the plot. What I heard was it was paskened as a real wedding and they had to get an actual divorce of sorts…but there was no yichud afterwards so I don’t know how it actually went down.

I don’t know why people don’t take the “Chashash Kidushin” more seriously. Would you play with a light switch on Shabbos? Of course not. Kiddushin is 1,000,000 times more serious. If you are proposing, stay away from the ring or anything that remotely looks like you are making a real kidushin. Please, don’t mess up, the ramifications could be for generations.

About that story, yes it’s true, it happened MANY years ago, and I think it was Rav Moshe Z”TL who paskened that the boy has to give her a get to remove all Chashoshos.

Boys, if your man enough to get married, then “man up,” and ask the question, “Will you marry me?” You can get videos and get the waiters to do all types of things and spend lots of money, but you’re not a man unless you ask it yourself.

Wolf:

It seems more complicated than that.

Firstly, devarim she’b’leiv einum devarim, so if you manifest kiddushin it is irrelevant what you actually thought.

Secondly, if the couple was “assukin b’oso inyan” (of marriage), the gemara says we assume the money was given for kiddushin and accepted for kiddushin.

So, you were presumably not talking about marrying your niece. If you were, it would present a similar difficulty.

I think the main question here probably is whether we can say it was not kiddushin when everyone knows it is not kiddushin despite that the classic manifestation is present.

Gabboim: If he gave her the ring in a way that would be kiddushin, and they subsequently broke off their engagement, he would need to give her a get. She would never be able to marry a Kohen after that. Pretty serious if you ask me. But that doesn’t mean that anyone who proposed in front of a crowd would suddenly be married.

BTW, my proposal was insanely awesome, it took abt 15 minutes, on the bank of a quiet lake at sunset. It was in middle of a lightening storm, and right when I popped the question, a big bolt of lightening streaked from the sky till the lake. It started pouring abt 30 seconds later.

I know of a guy that took his date to a car wash. And at the end, the car wash guy held up a towel that said, “Will you marry me.”

Maybe bec it is not done in my circles, it seems childish to me. Marriage is a serious thing, not a contest of who can come up with the most creative way of breaking it out! IMO, save your creativity for your first anniversary, at that time, make the wackiest, most romantic, funfilled shtick, that you can treaure as a married couple.

What – no kesubah???

The lack of a kesubah does not invalidate the marriage, nor does it prevent one from taking place. If your kesubah gets lost, you are required to get a new one, but in the interim you are still 100% married.

Furthermore, a kesubah is only required from the nesuin onward. It is not required for kiddushin at all.

The Wolf

Firstly, devarim she’b’leiv einum devarim, so if you manifest kiddushin it is irrelevant what you actually thought.

Secondly, if the couple was “assukin b’oso inyan” (of marriage), the gemara says we assume the money was given for kiddushin and accepted for kiddushin.

It’s also entirely possible that that’s the case only because that was the social convention at the time. As such, the bride and observers would have good reason to think the ring is being given for kiddushin.

Nowadays, however, the social convention is that everyone knows and understands that kiddushin takes place at the actual wedding itself. She knows it, he knows it and anyone observing it knows it. I still fail to see how it could be a kiddushin when neither party wants it to be one and neither party made any verbal declaration that it should be one.

The Wolf

Wolf and Sam:

You are saying much the same thing, Sam has the actual codification of the rule.

That sounds pretty good to me.

Sorry Wolf. I started writing my post before yours came up. I wasn’t trying to steal your idea or anything.

“Since everyone knows that it is customary nowadays to give a ring to a girl upon reaching an agreement to get married at a later date and that no one ever has in mind to accomplish Kiddushin by that giving of the ring”

Sam2: It isn’t customary by Jews to give a ring by the proposal. (Maybe it is by non-Jews.) The custom is to give a bracelet then.