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Hi, I was wondering if anyone would be able to give me some chizuk. My best friend no longer wants to have anything to do with me. I feel hurt, lost and alone. We were super close and I want to try to reach out to her again and start over. Any suggestions on how to do so? Her mother is involved, and I agree I was wrong so I dont know how to go about this. Who should I get involved? How do I try to start over? I dont like fighting or sinas chinam and I only want shalom!
Can you apologize directly? Or is that too difficult?
Write her a letter from your heart. Tell her how much you miss her, how you will work on changing whatever bad trait led to your hurting her. Writing has an amazing power to heal hurt.
The hurt is still fresh. Time heals. You have to move on and give it a few weeks she’ll be more willing to listen. If it has something to do with her mother try to speak to her without her mother knowing and speaking in person would be the best way.
Take care of yourself and hang out with other friends.
I think you need to find out why she wanted to end this friendship, what about it wasn’t working for her.
It may be that the situation has been changed and this friendship doesn’t really make sense anymore. Sometimes friendships do fall apart as things change, and thats life. Its not easy when that happens, but sometimes thats life, and fighting against it may not make it better.
you dont want her to pretend to become friends with you again and really resent you forcing her into it
Losing a best friend is very painful… especially when you’re at the age of dating.That’s when you need friends most, for their emotional support. Being rejected at your age… Oy. My heart is with you. At the same time there’s a part of me that is jealous of your madreiga. Take it as a compliment that Hashem thinks you can pass this test.
Friendship goes through ups and downs. Don’t think there’s something wrong with you because she’s dropping you. Perhaps you may have made a mistake which has caused this rift, but everyone makes mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up over it. I’ve got more to say but I dont have time. Stay strong! I’ll IYH continue this later. Huuuuuuuugs.
Remember that you are Hashems child and He loves you SOOOOOOOOOOOO much. Cry to him, He’s your free Psychologist, Friend, and Mentor. Thinking of you!
Smile19, many girls have someone they can talk to; a mentor, coach or therapist. Sometimes an outside person can have a more objective perspective, and can help deal with relationships.
Do you have such a person to speak to? If not, you should try to find someone, who can help you with this and any other issues you may have.
Good Luck!
smile19- I feel you girl! Heres my humble advice: Take this as a Bracha from Hashem. Clearly Hashem only gives us brachos in this world, but us as humans cannot recognize what we percieve as challenges as brachos. People will come into your life, and people will leave your life. You should take whatever you can from every person who comes in and incorporate everything they taught you that you found useful, or everything you saw in them that you would not want to be and make yourself a better person.
In this case, I do not think your friend and her mother are being fair to you at all. I do not know them, so I cannot say whther they are justified or not, but I would say don’t bother anymore. You seem to be a very special person and I would love to be friends with you anyday 🙂 surround yourself with genuine friends and remind yourself eahc moment this hurts you, that this is for the best and it is her loss for treating you unrespectfully. Hatzlacha with everything!
ouch, painful. My empathies go out to you, that’s really hard to go through.
From what i’m understanding, you know why she suddenly dropped you, and acknowledge you were in the wrong. You very likely need to give it some time for her pain to lessen. Time heals, it’s a concept from Torah. Dont try doing anything while the wound is fresh. Work on yourself in whatever this mistake was in, work hard to change it. It’s self-improvement and it’s showing you are serious about changing, showing you’re committed to not repeating such a mistake. After that, apologize. Without excuses or justification. Just a true heartfelt apology. And i’d strongly suggest speaking to her mother at that point too, perhaps even before her. Apologize, tell her you know you were wrong, that (and how) you worked on changing. It’s painful, but i can’t guarantee she’ll accept you back even then. I hope she will, but realize she was hurt. At the least, the apology will be accepted, she won’t be upset anymore. But she might be hesitant to get close to the same degree again, or to get close at all… Hope and pray for the best, but know a scar from a wound may remain though the wound healed.
It’s hard, it hurts. Been there, done that. I hope it all turns out for the best n with the least amount of pain. If it doesn’t, know more people will soon come and fill that void. All the best
oy- smile19 i feel for you! i’ve been going thru something similar…so i was close with this girl (and she felt rlly close to me, and told me so many times over, in many diff ways-ex: little gifts, notes, emails, shmoozes…so this wasnt just a one way relationship) and same thing suddenly she wants nothing to do with me- she has major emotional issues (i only noticed after we stopped being friends), but i see her almost every day…every time i see her is like another slap in the face. especially when i see her being so nice and acting so friendly to ppl- it hurts me so much.
now, we became friends a little over 2 yrs ago. stopped being friends last november (2012). i can’t seem to let go. it’s so annoying. i feel the same way- i just want shalom. i don’t have to be her close friend anymore- but she’s not just not talking to me- she stares me down, she’s rude to me (now, remember i just mentioned she’s not talking to me…she’s being very rude in other ways. she won’t say thank you to me if i open the door for her. she won’t open the door for me if she sees me standing outside in the freezing cold weather…a bit childish…)but i still can’t let go!
we both tried talking to each other, we started talking nicely…then a few times later it was just nasty. it’s so annoying. i (not often) sometimes come home in tears if something happened (or didn’t happen) b/t us. and the weird thing is this summer she saw me somewhere (we hadn’t seen each other the whole summer) and she was like “hey yummiest cupcake!!!!! what’s up?? how was ur summer?? what’re you doing this yr??” and all that, with a huge smile on her face- then all of a sudden she’s not talking to me again after that. when i asked her about that she said she spoke to me that way totally unintentionally and i have to stop harassing her (her definition of my asking for an apology for all she’s done to hurt me.)
smile19 i feel so bad for you! wish there was some other way we could get in touch and spk abt this privately, but i guess for now this’ll have to do…
i daven for my ex friend every day still, that she’ll become emotionally healthy very soon and that she should be able to lead a genuinely happy healthy wonderful fulfilling life. talk to Hashem, like someone suggested above. I talk to Him very often, and even if i don’t feel like He’s answering me all the time, it makes me feel His presence so much more in my life in general. good luck and keep me posted…
All the experts on YWN with their advice are jumping to give advice with only reading one side of the story. In my opinion something happened between the writer and her friend. We don’t know what happened. Did she say something which was taken out of context or was it a bad joke, we don’t know. This is not the place to discuss such matters and get carried away with advice. My recommendations is for her, on her own, to call a Rav or such as the Chofetz Chaim Heritage who may recommend a Rav with whom she can discuss such matters. Unfortunately, this young girl writes that she and her friend were super close. In Yiddish there is a saying that something with a TOO is not good. One has to rethink twice before doing or saying certain things, with consideration of outcome. With the technologies today of instant communication, people are too quick to sometimes make use of….leads to unintended trouble. Remember the saying “think twice before you speak”. This girl is perhaps speaking out of guilt of something that happened between her and her friend.With Hashem’s help all should/will work out for the best. Hatzlocha!
It’s really hard to give advice, not knowing what happened here. Let me say this, as the person who broke off a 10 year friendship with someone who hurt my family and me deeply, publicly, and without reason, some hurts cannot be repaired. Fact of life. Sometimes “sorry” is not enough. If you have tried sincerely to set things right, perhaps written more than one letter (NOT
E-MAIL), acknowledged what you did wrong and asked for forgiveness, that is all you can do. You may have to accept that this girl will never want to be friends again. If that is the case, learn a valuable lesson from what happened, and resolve to not make the same mistake a second time.
I feel sad for the pain you must be feeling right now, but try to think of the level of pain you may have unintentionally caused the other girl, for her to not be quite ready to forgive you or speak to you. It’s not about you and how you feel, at this point. And if her mom is involved, she may be giving her “chizuk” to avoid you, probably with all the best of intentions, wanting to protect her child from further hurt at your hands. I don’t mean to sound judgmental. I can see that you feel great regret, and that is to your credit. But as I said, sometimes sorry is just not enough.
I hope you can work things out with her, but if for whatever reason, that is not in the cards, at least please understand that we all have to be really careful about what we say and do, because there are sometimes permanent ramifications as a result of them. And then, move on. Let some time pass, and try to approach her again, when she has had some time to cool down a little. She might miss you, too.
Hatzlacha rabbah
one side comment here to add: i’m really not sure why your friend would have told you she took you off her resume references. there’s no reason for you to know about that at all, and i dont think you should have been told. unless it’s just a hunch you have?
Where did smile19 run off to?
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