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By a wedding is it better to have a band/orchestra or a one man band (keyboard player) ?
1 man band is much better & more affordable without anyone thinking that your poor & cant afford a full 5 piece band. theres no need to go broke on all your wedding expenses when you can manage just fine by staying regular.
“GET WHAT YOU NEED NOT WHAT YOU WANT & DESIRE”
no need for the fanciest hall or most expensive caterer or full band with a singer to pay also. THESE ARE ALL EXTRAS.
Mazel tov on your Simcha
I think one-man bands are so much more worthwhile, unless you have a lot of money to burn and/or you feel the need to impress those in attendance. Most people just want the music to be leibedik (but, honestly, not too crazy loud…).
The only thing about a one-man band that I would say is to make sure that he is leibedik.
I actually go to chasunahs and take note of one-man bands that I like, so I have an idea of who I would want to sing at my chasunah someday.
I guess Mrs. CTLAWYER is old fashioned and out of the loop. She read Mashiach Agent’s comment about choice of a one man or 5 piece band and asked me if this is the relief while the orchestra takes their break or eats dinner?
Daughter’s chasunah is less than 90 days off, and both an orchestra (no singer) and a relief keyboard player have been hired. Orchestra will eat when guests have their main course and the keyboard player will provide soft background music that allows conversation at the dining tables.
CTLAWYER has been repeatedly told to remember the mantra: DADDY WILL PAY. Wife was given a healthy budget, but I’m sure she is supplementing it from her knippel.
Lastly, my own comment…there is no need to go broke. BUT regular is based on one’s economic circumstances. A 45 year old marrying off his eldest while the youngest are still to be educated, etc. is in different circumstances than a 65 year old marrying off one of his youngest, and all are educated and self supporting.
CTL: Are you endorsing the proposition of providing ones youngest child(ren) a notably richer wedding than ones elder children?
Joseph…
I’m endorsing making a wedding appropriate for your means at the time of the wedding.
My eldest has been married more than 25 years. You can’t expect that I’d spend the same amount of money on a weeding this year.
Also, we come from a tradition that says the kallah’s family pays for the chasunah. Therefore, how fancy/expensive my sons’ weddings were was determined by the machatunim.
I have yet to see a band at recent jewish weddings, of 1 man or any number, that had a chush for keeping it classy. Hire a band that understands that they were not hired to do a concert, and keeps the music appropriate for an elegant affair (volume, selection). Dance time is dance time, but dinner and reception is for socializing, and the band should be heard but not noticed.
squeak- pretty much agreed.
I had my cousin’s wedding tonight, and the music was out of control. I think I probably permanently damaged my hearing. (The wedding itself was also out of control, but that’s a different matter.)
Orchestra will eat when guests have their main course and the keyboard player will provide soft background music that allows conversation at the dining tables.
It is nice that you are taking into consideration the band’s eating needs. But is a second keyboard player really necessary? Have the orchestra play some prerecorded music (their own or one of the many “relax disks” out there.)
The orchestra doesn’t need the full dinner service to eat either. Give them some time to eat and take care of their needs and get back to doing the job they were hired to do. They can even eat during the chuppa and take a 20 minute break for Marriv during the Simcha.
In my opinion, hiring another player just for the meal is a waste of money.
SiDi™
squek
your not understanding why they make it like a concert:
people today-sadly-like when the music is rocken & every band knows that 1000 people will see their big name sign & want many others to hire them, so they play the game & play HOW THE CROWD LIKES IT as the saying goes “MONEY TALKS” & “THE BOSS IS ALWAYS RIGHT” todays generation money is the boss & avoda zara & served like a god R”L
That’s why when I get married BE’H, there will be a keyboard player under strict instructions not to play that way. I like leibedik music, but not all that electronic-techno-rocky stuff they play nowadays. It’s not music, it’s noise.
Some 1 man bands insist on playing louder as if they’re trying to make up for not having more people in the band. Make sure the music is played at a decent level and you’re good.
If you let the music get too loud, it really doesn’t matter whether you hired a band at all or simply played a tape of someone throwing elephants in jars down Niagara Falls. After a little while people lose their hearing, so they can’t hear it anyway.
I don’t want to elaborate or go into details, this site is not for advertisement (nor do I have a need to blow my cover).
The bit I’ll disclose is that I do weddings and simchos, am one person (according to most) – a OMB, and that people come out really pleased and happy.
I don’t have techno machines that rip out ear drums, my machines are just the things needed to uplift and set the people in motion (various crowds), however, I will never blare anyone’s ears out.
The second thing is that I b’Shita don’t do ANY of the modern junk, anything remotely sounding like the noise blaring from our “neighbors'” cars. And have sadly become somewhat the norm of the so-called Chasidishe olam. No, I stick strictly to our sort, and I notify clients beforehand. Clients who do hire me do so because they want that style. It’s sadly becoming a rarity, most people today don’t know what you want, what you’re talking about. Sure, everything’s “Jewish” today… Most “Chasidishe” weddings are so full of noise and garbage, it’s so embarrassing and distressing to watch Gedolim and Roshei Yeshivos dance to those filthy “rhythms”. No, I’ll use Yiddish tunes and rhythms, no need to dirty a Jewish simchah or ocassion with exercise trance techno noise.
Often, when I conclude a job, guests will commend and thank me for my dagash, my style, of sticking solely to Jewish sounding sounds. They will tell me that it really made it a Yiddishe Simcha, and truly uplifting experience. (oh, that’s why I did it)
It is not for you to determine what is a waste of my money. The relief keyboard player will also play soft background music as guests enter the dining room and the orchestra is making their transition from the shmorgasbord room to the dining room, and during other scheduled orchestra breaks.
If I wanted recorded music, I could have hired a DJ. We want live music arranged and played as we choose and at sound levels we determine.
The orchestra will not be absent during the entire meal service, they’ll eat during the main course. As for getting back to the job they were hired to do, that is what they will be doing, according to the terms of a contract that is fair to both labor and host.
We hire professionals and pay accordingly. When a chasunah involves a full 8 hour shift plus travel time, the orchestra members are entitled to ample breaks, meal, snacks and beverages.
CTLawyer, Mazel tov! I get that you can afford the extravagance. I’m not sure if you live in a community where this is the norm and most people there can afford this. If thats the case then i guess kol hakovod.
The problem is when youre the rich guy around and your standards are not the same as everyone around you. Heres where it gets sticky. (Im sure you know what im about to say.) Although it makes sense that someone should go to a lavish wedding and say, “Oh, this is nice but lo and behold i just can’t afford doing the same-oh fooey” lots of people dont. Or feel they can’t.
I’m usually on board with what you say but im gonna disagree with you on this one
You are correct that I can afford to make the chasunah I describe. If I couldn’t afford it, I’d not be making it. What someone may consider extravagant, some one else may consider ordinary.
In today’s dollars this will be quite less extravagant than my own wedding when we took over an entire hotel for a 3 day weekend…times have changed.
The chasunah will be comparable to many made by those in my profession or whom I do business with. This evening affair will be in NY, not the community I live in. It will be tasteful, not gaudy, brash or loud. It is made to honor the simcha, not impress guests, neighbors or friends. the food will be quality and plentiful, but not the extreme waste we often see, and there will be no sushi….we don’t care for it and don’t feel obligated to serve it.
But you do feel obligated to keep up with the Jonses (or Goldberg’s) in your profession?
CTLAWYER- there are many ways to honor a simcha without spending so much money.
My parents don’t have the money for such things, so I can’t judge people in that position. However, I know that when I go to certain weddings (like my cousin’s last night), I need to resist the urge to throw up at the amount of waste involved. For what??? For one night??
I personally like small, intimate affairs where the simcha is felt by all involved. IMHO, external extravagance often takes away from the appreciation of the simcha itself.
Joseph…………….
I feel obligated to provide my daughter with the type of simcha she desires as long as it is comfortably within my means. It has nothing to do with keeping up with others. My ‘comparable’ remark was in response to another poster’s remark about living in a community where this is the norm.
Technical21…………..
I have no idea of your parents circumstances. Chances are that I (in my mid 60s) am substantially older than them. My children are grown and educated, my home is long paid off and my housing cost for a large home is far less than the monthly cost of a 2 bedroom apartment in Brooklyn. I have a successful professional practice, built by hard work and long hours, that now has the next generation involved. One can spend money commensurate with their station in life without being a showoff.
Doing things elegantly doesn’t mean shameless waste. One does not amass wealth through waste. As I’ve posted before, I may have a large home in small town Connecticut, but I still mow the lawn, shovel snow and take out the garbage.
I earlier described (in another thread) that the actual Chasunah will be in our home late morning with a sit down luncheon of approximate 80 closest relatives and friends. That is the small and intimate experience my daughter wishes. The evening affair is in NY to include the not so close relatives, business associates and not as close friends from school, yeshiva, seminary, law school and camp in honoring the simcha.
Hoping to avoid offense or sounding gauche, those who cannot afford to make large and/or lavish affairs often profess to prefer small, intimate and simple affairs.
My wife and I live for our children and grandchildren. We don’t spend money vacationing. We were brought up to value money and not waste. My Oma taught me to buy the best, even if you can only buy less, as it will last and cost less in the long run. “Cheap is dear.” Poor quality items must be replaced quickly and cost more in the long run. This philosophy has served me well in the long run. My everyday watch is a Rolex bought 35 years ago for $1600…a cost of ownership of $45 per year. I expect that I’ll wear and enjoy it for the rest of my life and then my eldest son may have it. I drive a 12 year old car. Yes, it was very expensive when new, but I’ve yet to hit 60,000 miles and will probably own it for 20 years when I get my next car.
It is a matter of priorities and choices. I’d rather spend on simchas than sadness. I’ll not give one cent less Tzedaka because of the cost of the chasunah, in fact, I’ll probably make extra contributions in honor of the event.
If you find a good one man band, there is absolutely no reason in the world to spend the money for a 5 man band. My machatanim ordered a five man band, she was so proud about it and wanted to impress me but believe me, I didn’t notice the difference.
Even if your wedding is over the top, it is talked about for about three days, but your bills sometimes last forever.
If you find a good one man band, there is absolutely no reason in the world to spend the money for a 5 man band.
Sure there is – it sounds better. If you need to save the money, fine, go with a one man band. Some people,though, can afford to have the real band, and many of the guests enjoy it.
Wasn’t a one-man band part of the requirements in the takana regarding simchas a number of years ago by the rabbonim shlita?
There were no “requirements”.
What was there?
CTlawyer: I’m not going to argue with you about how you make your simchos, just wanted to throw in that your translation of “bilig iz teyer” made me smile…
And if you are making contributions in honor of the Chasunah, giving towards Hachnosas Kallah is a nice way to do it.
Recommendation
Technology today has evolved to the point where not only a one-man band, but even a recording (with no band), can play music as good and as realistic as having a band. Of course you need the right equipment to accomplish this quality.
You still need a license for the music.
If money is not an issue than choose a band which has a good reputation. In my opinion and experience a band with 2-3 people cannot be a bad choice. They will certainly help you to take your Simcha next level:)!
Ohh and not to forget: Mazel Tov!
CTLAWYER
“Hoping to avoid offense or sounding gauche, those who cannot afford to make large and/or lavish affairs often profess to prefer small, intimate and simple affairs.”
Well, I don’t know about sounding gauche, but you did not avoid offense.
I am the oldest in my family, so yes, my parents do still have plenty of expenses that you don’t have to worry about.
“One can spend money commensurate with their station in life without being a showoff.” True, I’ll give you that. However, there are certain people who would never make an affair to a certain level, regardless of their station in life. I have a friend whose family is wildly wealthy, but they are the simplest people I have ever met. My parents are the type who would not spend their money making a huge simcha even if they were wealthy; it’s just not their style, and not the way they raised me to be.
“Hoping to avoid offense or sounding gauche, those who cannot afford to make large and/or lavish affairs often profess to prefer small, intimate and simple affairs.”
Well, I don’t know about sounding gauche, but you did not avoid offense.
Didn’t offend me.
It’s probably true, too.
DY- I meant from my end, since the post was directed at me.
@Daasyochid
I think that in 20 or 30 years Technical 21 will have changed her opinion. It is amazing the wisdom gained with age.
I learned at age 40…My father was always right, just sometimes it took me 10 or 15 years to recognize it.
Well, I’m saying right now that my parents are right, no?:)
(studiously ignoring the condescension in your tone)
I meant from my end, since the post was directed at me.
I guess it’s your choice, but I don’t think you need to be offended. It is undoubtedly true that the percentage of people who can afford to make lavish weddings who do is higher than the people who can’t and admit that they would if they could.
You might be from the minority who would make the same wedding no matter what, but I think CTL’s observation that many say they wouldn’t simply because they can’t afford to is correct.
I think that in 20 or 30 years Technical 21 will have changed her opinion. It is amazing the wisdom gained with money.
FTFY
Small, intimate and simple affairs are certainly better than loud trying-to-pretend-we-have-money affairs, and pretending to prefer them over elegant but expensive affairs is a way to save face.
Should poor families that can’t afford a wedding hall stick to what they can afford and make their weddings in the yeshiva dining room?
DY: When the rabbonim shlita promulgated the simcha takanos, they were more than mere recommendations.
Technical21…….
No comment was made as to your parents and their opinion, just to you considering a statement offensive.
There is no condescension in my observations about how opinions change with maturation and aging and I gave an example of myself to show that.
You are young, enjoy your youth. I pray that you have a long, healthy and productive life. You will find that opinions, attitudes and tastes change over the course of a lifetime.
No one is advocating that you do anything that is not right for you or your parents.
I have advocated that each make decisions according to his/her own situation at the time. My parents were married in February 1944-in NYC in the middle of WWII. Wartime rationing was in place. Adults were allowed one new pair of shoes per year. Brides could not buy material for gowns, they were rented. Guests attending the affair had to give their ration points to the caterer in advance so the caterer could obtain sufficient food. It didn’t matter that my maternal grandfather was a wealthy doctor and my paternal grandfather was making his fortune by manufacturing army uniforms. A lavish chasunah with black market purchases (which were fully available) was not appropriate in that situation.
I hope that when your time comes you and your parents arrange a chasunah that conforms with your ideals/values.
When the rabbonim shlita promulgated the simcha takanos, they were more than mere recommendations.
If they had followed the format Rabban Gamaliel used for the funeral Takonos, they would have been more successful.
CTLawyer- Gotcha. Sounds like you arent the problem.
Big weddings have been a topic of discussion with me and my friends recently. Not that the baal simcha cant pay for it but that his friends neighbors or guests cant. Now when it comes their turn instead of not paying for a big wedding and just keeping it small this friends makes a big wedding (or bigger?). Now he has to come up with the money for that, and hes stuck.
The standard of weddings is going up and its hurting the klal. If the standard and norm would be lower then noone would feel like theyre losing out.
CTLAWYER- I just got engaged:)
My parents will IY’H be making a wedding that they can afford. The other side will be taking care of the music, and I am 100% certain that it will be a one-man band- which I am very happy with.
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