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well many times by trusting your gut you can save yourself a lot of time, aggravation and wasted emotional energy. I know someone who “kept on giving it another shot” on a few occasions because “maybe it was a one time thing.” and all 3 times their intuition was correct.
on the other hand sometimes it IS in our heads… however, your situation sounds way too weird for words. i would say a flat NO.
cshapiro
Too busy to date a guy like that. But then again, I’m a total outsider so I don’t have to worry 🙂
CS: It’s really strange, but I would text him to call you to discuss, and get the full info about the date. If you text him to calll you, he has to call you. Once you have him on the phone, you can steer the conversation anyway you want. Texting is way too lazy until after at least 1 date. I have texted a girl after a first date but it’s always followed up with a phone call later that night.
iy’H, may the next one be the right one!!
c by now u are way to prejudiced against the guy (and i think rightly so) for it to have any chance tell the shadchan that the whole texting thing was inappropriate and its making you queasy
no sense both of you wasting time and him wasting money on something that has no chance. my two cents.
though dave and busters does sound like fun right now jk 😉
cshapiro: I think he just wants to make himself look better and is playing a game of cover up for the shadchan.
You can text him back, tell him explicitly that no plans were made, to/with you.
Anyhow, don’t you have to stay at work late next week, maybe Monday?
Bocher 24 –
From the OP, it sounded like this was early in the game.
Some of your posts from yesterday have been removed, so I won’t requote them. BUT…
For anyone else reading this, I STAND BY WHAT I SAID EARLIER.
Texting between genders,( unless really well along in the dating process) is off the charts in my book (and from the bulk of the other comments, I seem to have company )
hashem def taught me a lesson…
Wonderful. NOW GO APOLOGIZE TO YOUR PARENTS FOR THE WAY YOU SPOKE ABOUT THEM!
‘rents” indeed.
Wow shiduchim can really be kinda tuff
CS, he was wrong and your vibes were right on the mark. He now sees that you had his number from the get go and he isn’t winning at the game he tried to play. He is now interested because you beat him at his own game and tweaked his interest. Too bad he didn’t play by your rules, his loss. Gut Shabbos from sunny Miami.
if you’re shidduch dating, then do it correctly. know your haskafos and research the guy’s hashkafos very, very well!
cshapiro: true, they all say wonderful things, until learn how to really ask. i’m talking from experience. after many years of being single, i learned to call at least 5 different people and ask very specific questions, listen for hesitancy, follow up with “what do you mean?” and more questions. also, do your parents know exactly what you are looking for, not just in general, but what you really deeply want? if you’re the oldest, your parents may not have much experience asking questions – talk to others who can also help you. most honest are usually the boys’ rebbes, if they understand clearly who you are and what you want. be specific and clear. same words can mean different things to different people. sorry, if i’m coming on strong, it’s just that it took me years to get this right. (after getting married, i helped some people do it right, and they married the first person they went out with). good luck 🙂
pba, what exactly is your problem with CS? Your posts are becoming outright rude!
Was that rude? I wasn’t trying to be rude. Have I been rude to cshapiro before?
It didn’t seem rude to me. I have no problem with how someone wants to live. I can comment on what someone is doing without criticizing, can’t I?
cshapiro, am I insulting you? I’ll ask the mods to take it down if I am.
CS, explained that she dropped him because he was NOT yeshivish at all and not what he was presented to be. Why do you imply that he was redt to her because that is the type of boy she give the impression she is looking for. She said her parents checked him out and the Rebbeim confirmed he was straight it was he himself who confirmed he was playing a game. So why would her parents or she herself consent to the shidduch if they felt he was too frum or yeshivish for her? And how would the shadchan know he was a faker if most everyone around him didn’t know?
CS: can I have some back up here? Am I totally reading you wrong?
I’m sorry I dis you all the time. I’ll try to pay more attention to it.
Do you want the post taken down?
Some of your shidduch stories imply that you are ok touching your date. That is what made me think you were not yeshivish. I don’t think that is YU frum.
Am I wrong in thinking that?
I think I understand. These are the stories from the old glory days. It makes more sense now.
Mods: Will you take down the post that began this.
CS, 😉
cshapiro
Yay! So happy to be your friend 🙂
cshapiro: i know that the system isn’t perfect, but it really can work. anyways, it’s better than the alternatives. in secular world, can meet at bars and don’t know a thing about them. in MO boys and girls can be friends for years and not even think of marriage cuz all know each other for too long. or basically they can do what we do – someone who knows both of them and thinks it’s a good idea and then sets them up. if you used to be different, sometimes, people don’t realize that you’ve changed. so, tell everyone – your friends, relatives, teachers, etc. what you’re looking for and daven, daven, daven! maybe, the guy himself has to change, but he hasn’t changed yet 🙂 good luck! Hashem could make the sea split; He definitely can have the right person find you. (also, there are shadchanim that deal with YU guys – maybe, call them.)
i don’t know how old you are, but if you have married friends, call them! i know very few people who were completely redt by pure shadchanim. sometimes, a friend would think of the idea and have a shadchan redt it. hishtadlus, doesn’t necessarily mean going to shadchanim – just tell EVERYONE what you’re looking for, so when they bump into the guy, they’ll immediately think of you. good luck!
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