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DY: Yes. Read the prior sentence of my post, where I said … “LISTEN to the advice of all those you respect,,,,,” However, if you are in your early 20s and considering marriage and the associated responsibilities and obligations, the final decision should be your OWN and you should resist pressures from others who claim they know better. If you don’t feel ready or have misgivings over a particular individual others are pushing on you, step back and follow your own intuition. Its the most important decision of your life and one YOU should make for yourself.
Just because it affects you doesn’t mean others’ opinions aren’t important.
DY: I guess you are having a “listening” problem today. As the Trumpkopf would say. “Read the Transcript” of my posting at 1:58 PM where it says ” LISTEN to the advice of all those you respect..”
Who said others’ opinions are “not important” and you shouldn’t solicit their advice. However, a decision on marriage is yours, and yours alone, taking into consideration your own feelings along with the advice of others. Not worth repeating again.So you think you should ask their advice, but disregard it if you don’t like what they tell you.
If everyone who is screaming that ppl are going against the Torah marrying so late and nasi is trying to get people to follow Halacha why are they saying to start at 21 and not at 20 ? And to Are Roster Libby and the like did any of you ever actually go over to one of the roshei yeshivas to ask them or are you like those missionaries who just have their 5 verses up your sleeves ? Yes you have a question why not at 20 but did you ever try to ask the leaders of the other side (I.e the roshei yeshivos) why bochurim are not (currently) starting to date at 20 ?
DY: YES. One should definitely solicit advice from parents, rabbonim and other trusted friends and family who know you and even better if they know the girl/boy you are considering. However, in most cases, the latter will not be the case (aka they don’t know the other person other than how you describe that person). Ultimately, its a decision only you can make for yourself. Its not showing disrespect to seek the advice of others, weigh that advice carefully along with all the information you have and make a decision that may or may not comport with the advice received from one particular source.
I repeat my challenge: What other chiyuvei d’oraisa are we willing to disregard because we lack maturity?
I you call any shadchanim in the Litvish and Lubavitcher communities they will tell you that there is a shortage if boys, but in the chassidish world, there is no shortage of boys. The reason for this is obvious to anyone who is open to evidence.
I have spoken to two Roshei Yeshiva but they hung up on me. They are invited to write a Teshuva showing why they are entitled to disagree with Chazal as well as all the Poskim.
@Are Roster,
Your disrespect and disdain for the Gedolim and Roshei Yeshiva in America is appalling and disgusting. How arrogant and self-righteous are you that you can say these Gedolim are a bunch of ignoramuses who are ignoring halacha, and demand that they justify themselves to you?
Have you no sense of decency?The problem is if they lack maturity, it will lead to divorce. Maybe they should have shalom bayis classes.
I got married at 21. Still happily married nearly three decades later.
But I’m a rasha gamur, so what do I know?
The Wolf
Reb Wolf: With the rabbinical powers vested upon me by my Gedolei superiors I hereby absolve you of any sins that have or may have caused you to be a rasha, purported or actual, and deputize you from this point on as a tzadik gamur.
You have no right or ability to accept or reject this designation as it is automatically conferred upon you willingly or unwillingly.
I declare that your Teshuva is now complete whether or not you are aware or acknowledge this fact.
It finally hit me: Bochurim should marry at 18 – 20, but they should marry women 25 – 30, since the kallahs have to support them anyway, and older women generally make more money than younger women. This may also solve the shidduch crisis.
Are there shalom bayis classes?
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