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I saw it in the Hamodia.
Someone in Chicago is offering money to set up girls whose parents live in Chicago.
Here is the deal.
Girl over 20- 1 date gets $100. 4 dates gets another $300.
Girl over 25- 1 date gets $250. 4 dates gets another $250.
So I’m thinking. If I was the guy and a shadchan redts me a girl from chicago, I say, sure, I’ll go out if you give me 50 buck.
And what would you do if you were the girl?
Or at least have the shadchan pay for the date(s)
Or at least have the shadchan pay for the date(s)
And the beer.
So I’m thinking. If I was the guy and a shadchan redts me a girl from chicago, I say, sure, I’ll go out if you give me 50 buck.
“I already have an offer for $50, but you’re on for $35.”
“And the beer.”
and we’re back to drinking while on a date 🙂
and we’re back to drinking while on a date 🙂
Oh, I thought we were putting dates in the beer.
So any shadchan who sets up any girl from Chicago, gets paid the above rates by NASI?
Vinny down the block has a 26 for $170.
“Fine, I’ll throw in a six pack.”
“Fine, I’ll throw in a six pack.”
“I take that back, I don’t want to mess with Vinny.”
Speaking of beer, Rabbi Beer is on the Oorahthon now
Yeah I saw that offer in the likutei peshatim-it’s ridiculous! They make it sound like you have a problem if you’re a girl and you don’t get married while you’re a teenager. Anyhow, I have a better idea. Find a girl you know, tell her about this offer, then you can go on a date together and each pull in 50.
I don’t see how this can work. To me it seems like a way for people to make a quick buck.
Hmm..I know plenty of Chicago girls over 20, and plenty of single guys. Looks like I have found a way to pay for my college tuition.
Hmm..I know plenty of Chicago girls over 20, and plenty of single guys. Looks like I have found a way to pay for my college tuition.
So it looks like it can work.
EVERYONE STOP!!!!!!!! i saw this in the hamodia, the yated, and in one other place, and i think when it comes to this, we can call it TOTALLY RIDICULOUS! here is my issue with a program like this. shadchanim are doing amazing work trying to set ppl up… i do not take that away from them one bit. i give them credit for being zoche to be the messengers of Hashem for this important matter.
i also understand that shidduchim is their parnassa, so they charge. fine. (although i do have an issue with the exhorbitant amounts they charge, but that’s a diff issue)
my issue with this is that the rest of the world wakes up and only starts helping out WHEN THERE IS MONEY INVOLVED! i don’t get it. when no one is offering you money to do this big mitzvah, you put it on the back burner (if you’re even thinking about it). but when someone suddenly offers money, then you start thinking about and jump right into it?
this is where all our problems (with shidduch crisis, shalom bayis…) start in the first place- messed up priorities.
and just to note- i am somewhere in the 19-22 range, and i’m from chicago!!!!!!!!!!
@jewish unity- good idea!
Leaving aside the fears that an unscrupulous (or may not unscrupulous, we’re all human) shadchan might push kids to date beyond the point they should, I can’t help but think of Yonasan Rosenblum’s comment on appeals to help the boys in Japan, along these lines: yes, it’s a terrible situation, and yes it’s a big mitzvah, and isn’t it amazing how we all band together like this…BUT WHY DID WE HAVE TO GET TO THIS POINT IN THE FIRST PLACE?? (My caps, not his.)
Didn’t even notice this thread till now…
1. in order to be part of the program one needs to contact the local coordinator. It’s not a free for all. “hi i set up a date pay me”.
2. a community that has been running a similar program for under 5 months has had 80+ dates set up and the average age of the girls being set up is over 23 so yeah it seems like it’s working.
3. I won’t bother to go into explaining why and how it’s being so effective, the results simply speak for themselves. chicao is the fourth community to adopt this model, though they are the first to publicize it in the fashion they did. Each community runs and funds itself, NASI simply helps them get up and running.
4. I’m not sure why this is referred to as “AZ scheme revealed” This is actually a concept i’ve discussed in this exact forum and i informed the CR that it will be comes widespread….
5. Four more communites are in the early stages of adapting the same model.
The contept is sipmle, it generates tremendous shadchan attention for girls who didn’t JUST start dating….
Prettyinpink, I absolutely agree with you. I hope you didn’t take my comment seriously..I actually do actively try to set up people I know if I think it’s a good idea. But you are totally right. Why should it come to the point that someone has to offer money to get people to start thinking of others? It really is terrible.
AZ:
What conditions does the local coordinator impose in order to participate in this program?
don’t worry, middle path! i did realize you were joking. but unfortunately, there are ppl who would have written that, and they would be totally serious. that’s what bothers me. just like we said “oh-now they’re offering money. lets go for it!!!!!!!”
its so sad that this is what its come to. i’ve also tried setting ppl up before i heard of these programs. and now i continue to do so, just because i would have anyway, whether the programs came into being or not.
Charging the shadchan 50$ is letting them off easy. I’d demand 50% that way I could afford enough beer for the dates.
i don’t get what the whole idea is.
although i do have an issue with the exhorbitant amounts they charge, but that’s a diff issue
That’s exactly where you missed the point; shadchanim do not get paid sufficiently for the amount of time they put in.
You think this plan is ridiculous because they should basically do it for the mitzvah.
You probably also think that rebbeim, moros, rabbonim, shochtim, mashgichim, sofrim, etc. should work for below living wage.
I’m being too strong; I know – you probably don’t really think that way. But it’s really the same; the reality is that people do better work when they’re properly compensated.
daas yochid-no. i agree they have to get paid if this is their parnassa. but when i hear of shadchanim charging $150 just to MEET the girl for 15 min/ half an hour, that’s insane.
“the reality is that people do better work when they’re properly compensated.” dy, that’s my problem. read my post- this is what i said. ppl only wake up when there is money involved. that is the fact. that’s the truth. but it shouldn’t be that way. i said in my first post- ppls priorities are messed up. i myself don’t get paid that much for my job, but i put my heart and soul into it, and i love what i’m doing, B”H. i don’t put in any less effort than i would if i had a better paying job. maybe there are only a few ppl out there like that. and i’m not c’v trying to boast, although i know that any example where you use urself automatically comes across like that, but i am seriously trying to bring a point across. i think its sort of not being an fine person if you put in less effort the less you get paid. it shows what ur true focus is. and in this case, it’s money.
also, like i said, how much shadchanim get paid was not my focus here. i was praising the work they do. its other ppl who only do things when money is involved.
and about rebbeim, moros… i never said they should be paid lower wages. this is how they make a living, they need it, just like everyone else.
I would just like to say that while I have reservations I’m not antagonistic. I truly appreciate that shadchanim aren’t being paid enough, that they are working l’sheim shamayim, and all that goes with this.
It’s just such a chaval that their job is so much harder. There are many societal issues that are making it harder, lunacy in the investigation process (what size dress does the bubbe wear), expectations, yes, the demographics of more girls to boys, and I could go on. We have to start addressing this too. Bring some sanity to the world. Let mothers know that they are making themselves sound like poor future MIL material. Figure out why there are more good girls than boys. (And I have to say, there are many people dealing with this – kol hakavod to them.)These are just some examples of what we parents have to do NOW to restore some sanity and ehrlichkeit to the process.
(Note: this rant doesn’t even mention support. We can go there later.)
Figure out why there are more good girls than boys.
At last check, there were more good boys. Unless you refer to there being more girls in the market in general. But not percentage wise.
I shouldn’t have used the word good. There are many different types of good kids and good aspirations. I meant, girls who want, like Tcharna in This is America, a lamdan, vs. boys who are the genuine article.
Prettyinpink:
I for one (for whatever it counts) am NOT a proponent of paying $150 to meet the girls for numerous reasons. I DO believe in shadcanim being appreciated for the results they prodcuce.
Date number one is a measurable result and date number for is clearly a quality idea. The money is NOT paid by the families, but rather by the community, thus the families don’t take it into consideration when considering the shidduch. (in the communites that haven’t publicized it the girls and their families aren’t even aware that the program exists, they simply find themselves with far more shidduch opportunites..)
The results speak for themselves. I won’t even bother debating the theory. RESULTS RESULTS RESUTLS…. (defined and measured by shidduch attention for girls who didn’t JUST start dating).
Shlishi: The local coordinators want to make sure they are deaing with people who are taking it seriously and abusing or redding silly suggestions. So far in the four communites that are running it there hasn’t been one instance of miscounduct, and any person who does simply gets disinvited. Once the potential shadchan reaches out to them they will be invited but it’s simply a way to prevent abuse.
Okay, so you meant there are more girls who want a Lamdan, then there are boys who are a lamdan. Just like there are more girls who want a millionaire, then there are millionaires. But why should every girl who wants a lamdan be entitled to get one?
The crowning achievement of the entire NASI project, start to finish, was to (unfairly) give girls a sense of defeat before even trying, and to give mediocre youths an inflated sense of self-worth. Paying matchmakers to “give attention” to “passed-over” girls is just another dagger in the heart.
OK – so – my daughter just turned 20 – are they saying she’s OLD? she should have been married by now?? oh no!! so if there are any shadchanim or eligible young men out there……. 🙂
yes she is certainly looking forward to finding her bashert and building a bayis ne’eman b’yisroel, but she’s certainly not worried about it! IY”H in the right time. We’ll let u know when there’s a mazal tov.
squeak: When you refer to “mediocre youths”, who are you speaking of?
And how are they mediocre?
Hmmm. How about if I set up prettyinpink with popa_bar_abba. I will then get money so I can help pay for the beer and cheese soup.
isn’t popa a grandpa already?
Mod42: popa’s travel to Chicago will cost more than the payoff.
Squek: The Crowning achivement of the NASI Project to date has been the breaking of the stigma that prevented boys from dating girls their own age or even slightly older. Such shiddcuhim are now commonplace and not even newsworthy.
OK: The point of the Chicago program and the other communities is NOT that 20 or 21 or whatever age the program starts is insuating that at that age the girls are “older” “passed over” etc. It’s simply and very effectvie method to generate significant attention for the girls who didn’t just start dating. The more shidduch attention such girls, get the better chance they have of gettig to the chuppah imy”h.
Such a concept will imy”h prevent or at least significantly alleviate the the shidduch crisis going forward.
Wow. That ended quick. I guess this really is a decaffeinated forum.
Chicago? Hmmm.. that might mean poppa is in the nursing home business ($$$)
I’m listening….
i thought popa was an old guy. pretty pink sounds like a little kid to me…maybe my age or something
“popa” is a 9 year old girl
by the way pba, finally realized how joseph could have known what you do and where you live – he reads people’s profiles – i don’t know how to access the info., but maybe he can see that info.?
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