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I have 2 yr old twins one of them is a special needs child. We love her to no end but sometimes its really hard not knowing what her future holds…my husband donates alot of things in her merit for a R”S. Are there any parents that can give us inspiration or guidance?
it is not at all like clever jewish pun says
There are also wonderful times to be had, as with any other child.
What I will agree with clever jewish pun though is the extra patience money and time such a child needs. Also whatever decisions you make make sure you are on the same page as your spouse. In terms of strain on marriage, there are many more resources that are available even more then a few years ago, that could help you and your spouse raise your child. Just remember as with ANY CHILD you both want whats best for your child even if you sometimes disagree a bit. Communication is the key
Regarding making you feel like outsiders I can tell you from experience that the community has become much more acceptable of families that have a disabled child,more then even a decade ago.Some people used to be just plain ignorant.
If you need further guidance and live in brooklyn,two excellent organizations are womens league (jumpstart) and otsar. Womens league, 718-853-0900
otsar 718 946 7301
p.s. To clever jewish pun in my post I am not doubting about your personal experience and its roughness,and am sorry for your experience.I would also say that the situation you described at one point was very common. The fact is that unfortunately while not around when you were growing up there are tons of more resources available emotionally educationally and even physically and monetarily then there were a few years back.These resources greatly ease the families needs and take away much stress when raising such a child.
As the sibling of a special boy I am absolutely disgusted by clever’s post. I am not going to deny that it can be a strain on the parents relationship, finances and the other children in the family. I have so much to say but I think every child and every situation is different so… just know that whatever you teach your child when they are young the more they will know. Now that my brother is 10 he doesn’t like going to therapy anymore and puts up a fuss…. you have to shower them with tons of therapy when they are young. I would suggest you get in touch with Chai Lifeline asap! they are amazing. And P.S. my brother is also a twin to a healthy boy…
You never know what the future is going to hold with anyone in life but for sure not with a special child. You think your child might need tonz of therapy (which was the case with my brother) but then other things cropped up and we are so busy with that that there’s no time for therapy.
Whatever you do don’t make your special child feel like he should be ashamed of his situation, Boruch Hashem i am pretty healthy but i had some issues growing up i had challenges most kids didn’t have and i had needs that weren’t met by my parents because they were embarrassed, my childhood was a farce i had to try my hardest to appear “normal” so as not to embarrass my family, i felt like i was their dirty little secret, after i finished high school i had an opportunity to learn in a special Yeshiva in Eretz Yisroel, i wasn’t allowed to go because what would people think when they heard i went to this Yeshiva , so on and so forth this child like all others is a blessing from above love him and cherish him.
My daughter ad120 is 33.
The more you put in in effort, you will see results.
no one says it’s easy, but may you be zoceh to see lots of nachas and see how much your child contrin=butes to society.
how many people are given chizug & smile because of her.
She is a blessing for the home, the siblings, for everyone in contact with her & you.
Ignore the ignorant, tipshim.
lean on the many resources heimish & not.
learn to stand up for your own & your child’s rights.
zai gebentched & always have simcha.
re: HASC
the $$ you contribute are 100% profit.
HASC has over $80 million from NYS & the Feds.
Is this true? I have contributed to HASC in the past, but I don’t even want to buy the HASC albums I am missing if one red cent supports an organization like this. “
I worked in HASC myself many years ago, and my son has worked there for a few years. I have never heard of such a thing. Quite possibly there could be a parent who would make such a request (and if so, I feel sorry for whatever makes them feel it is necessary to do that, but I am not in their shoes, so I cannot judge), but I have never heard of it. I will ask my son. Do not judge the families OR the camp, if this is the case. They could be protecting the anonymity of their clients.
keep us posted. what part of the world are you in? Chai Lifeline makes shabbatons.
you should get in touch with them. we get together with brooklyn families all the time. they are very helpful and very encouraging. What i like about their organization is that they dont forget the other children in the family and they make sure to take care of the mothers too!
As an older parent of more than one special needs child, I’d recommend: getting as much therapy as possible, treating your child as much as possible like the others, YOU MUST BE YOUR CHILD’s CHIEF ADVOCATE AND TRY NOT TO GIVE UP THE FIGHT. At some point the legal terminology for special needs children became, “developmentally delayed”, flights that are delayed do get there with Hashem’s help and often with such an attitude by parents, teachers, therapists, and the world at large, and with Hashem’s help many more children with delays will eventually meet their mainstream peers’ abilities and accomplishments, or at least get much closer to their goals, and there will be IY’H many more success stories.
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