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AYC: Thank you. You always find something niceto say. I respect you for that.
Observanteen-can’t get more on the mark than that! That’s EXACTLY how I feel!!!
I’m seriously ready to call it quits. I’ve had enough! I can’t survive this world any longer. I don’t even believe in Hashem anymore…so why can’t I commit suicide? What will happen if I do? Where will I go? To sleep forever? YUM!!!! 🙁 🙁 🙁 SOmeone help
Shattered,
battered,
torn,
inside,
cold and alone,
isolated,
miserable,
a hopeless case,
resigned for life,
I give up.
Blabla, whatever makes you think that once you die it’s easier?!!!!
Blabla, i hear in your words,
pain,
hurt,
despair,
i know how you’re longing to,
just let go,
just be free,
away from here.
Together with you,
i feel,
i hurt,
i cry,
How I wish i could take away your pain!
In my heart,
i know,
i believe,
i am confident,
in the confidence that G-d has for you.
Look inside,
Take hold of yourself,
You have the strength,
The ability,
The forte,
To weather the tide of the storm.
We believe in you,
G-d believes in you,
Now make sure you believe in you.
Laugh with me – i’m so sorry you’re going through this. May your little one have a REFUAH SHELAMA quick!! You write so beautifully… which makes it all the more sad! (as in, we feel with you more!)
Observanteen – WOW! That piece is really something amazing!! It’s a piece out of any of the papers!
blabla: Please stay strong! We all care. You know that! You’re NOT a hopeless case! As long as there’s life there’s hope. We all deeply love and care for you. {{HUGS}}
PrincessEagle: OMG, I didn’t think it was that great…Thanks! (btw, not working before Yom Tov:( Hope to see you around…) Your poem is so thoughtful!
Observanteen – i missed out the IMHO!!! Hey, that’s a shame that you aren’t working….!!!! Like, working is the best, jk
Princess: Yeah…prolly IMHO,lol. 🙂 And it is a shame I don’t work now:(
blabla: i don’t consistently read CR, but last nite i decided to reread this this whole forum to catch any parts i missed. Made me wanna cry, hearing your pain. I just recently got out of a long depression (i hope!) and your ability to express the feelings touched deep. You have an amazing talent as a writer, as a poet and in expression. You can put into words what others cannot describe. I wish I’d seen your poems a few months back, to know i wasn’t alone in the feelings.
hmm… won’t let me post one long post
Noone can ever know the exact feelings you have, but some of us can very closely relate. And we truly feel your pain and understand. I wish I could send you a long, tight hug to show u that tho i may not know u, i know what u feel, and thats enuf to make me care soooo much. I wish i cld express my feelings in poetry, but i get stuck…But i decided i had to post even not in poetry, at least once.
Its a long dark tunnel, and at times u see a bit of light peeking thru the cracks, and then u hit a stretch with no light at all. And you want to just give up, and lie down. Why trudge on in despair if there may not be an opening at the end? But i’m begging you, don’t give up! Please! Even if it takes so long, believe that when u reach that end, the light will be so much stronger than u’ve seen before, bec u know what blackness is. and you will reach heights you’ve never dreamed of and will change the world.
You’re acquiring a sensitivity others can’t, and maybe its all so u can help someone else one day. Do it for others who are suffering like u and feel alone. for the ppl reading this forum and pulling their only strength from it, finally seeing someone understands. Though I haven’t posted b4, pls know I care, and others do too, even tho we cannot show u in person. I cry hot tears for you, knowing how it feels. I see alot of ways u have more strength than i did and believe in u and that you will overcome the stifling cloud of the yetzer hora. Keep strong!
Pain is hollow
Grief is sure
Speak your mind now
Tell your friend
In the end
In a dream
Sing it slowly
Ride the mean
Do you listen?
Do you hear?
Words are finite
Meanings share
Saunter on now
Be yourself
Love is in there
Trust yourself
I know there was a poem posted here just minutes ago, cuz i wanted to reply! So whoever you were, you are NOT alone! Hearts are never limited, and I do feel your pain.
saysme-Wow, good to know I’M not alone!!
Anorexia,
I gasp,
staring,
gazing at myself in the mirror.
I keep looking,
amazed at what I see.
I see a stomach,
so giant and round,
popping out of me,
I see my arms,
fat dripping,
hanging over,
I see my legs,
the size of elephants,
I see my chin,
quadrupeled,
my cheeks
fluffy and bloated.
And I see fat.
Fat,
obese,
I see me.
Yet they tell me again,
again and again,
they tell me millions of times,
that its distorted,
but how can I
believe their false lies?
how can I
believe their false flattery?
does the scale lie?
does the mirror lie?
Yes, my anorexia lies.
Thanks so much mods! Sorry to drive you nuts!
And heres the reply I wrote. It hasnt let me post long posts…
so, Part 1:
It lies, its true!
They know, they do!
its not chanifa,
Its the outside view.
Keep on saying
Remind yourself:
Anorexia puts logic
On a back shelf,
Turns your eyes
Into mirror fun;
Stretches and warps
To tales its spun.
So leave the mirror,
Hide the scale.
Dont let an ED
Make you fail.
Part2:
Admire your eyes
Admire your toes,
When caught within
Anorexia throes.
Call a friend,
Do a chesed or two.
See what a difference
Can be made by you.
Block those thoughts,
Tell your yetzer: NO!
Push him off just a bit-
It’ll soften his blow.
For just 5 minutes,
Quiet his lies.
Focus on the clouds
Or how a bird flies.
Part3:
Reflect on nature
And the beauty you see,
And then tell that yetzer,
“That’s just like ME!
So right now I’ll try
To see the good in my life
And block out the sound
Of your insults and strife.”
Then 5 minutes more
Try it again,
And you’ll feel so proud
To recognize Hashem.
Each little step
Will boost your esteem.
You’ll prove your yetzer hora
That you can come clean.
Part4:
We’re rooting you,
Cheering from the side.
Behind pain or fears
Do not hide!
Each struggle in itself
A challenge to grow,
A chance to knock
That bad guy so low.
To focus on positive
Is what I recently was told
So together we can try
With another’s support to hold
Part 5 and final:
After each vent
When we feel a bit calm
Think of 1 good thing
For our mind, a balm
To sooth the pain
A chance to recharge
Trying to be positive
And believe we’ll win- By large!!
Observanteen, lol!! Get back to work fast!!!
SaysMe, you’ve said such potent words in such a beautiful and expressive way! i’m sorry you had to go through that and i’m amazed how you’ve come away from there so much better and stronger. It sends a powerful message of hope! i’m glad you decided to share this here with us.
yitayningwut – hey, that’s good. Care to share any more poems?!
Blabla, i’m sorry………… you know that!!!! But now look at SaysMe’s words again and perhaps take hope in the fact that there IS hope.
PrincessEagle-
Thanks. I haven’t done this in ages, I just got into a mood.
Princess: lol. You’re great at rushing me back to work! Would you be my alarm clock?;)
Yitayningwut – when did you write that one? And can we somehow get you back into the mood!
Princess: Speaking of alarm clocks… Why aren’t you in bed yet? (okay, I know it’s only 10:00, but still….:P)
PrincessEagle – This afternoon. I was surfing through this thread and saw some really good poems and just thought I’d stick in my own two cents, so I wrote it and posted it. Not exactly sure what mood it is that gets me going this way, but I do have to feel calm I guess.
observanteen, i normally aim for 11 or so.. but i’ve got to prepare for work tomorrow so i better get to do it now.
Saysme-all I can say is WOAAAA! 🙂
blabla- i hope that’s a positive woa, and not a ‘woa, u know how to lay it on heavy’ 🙂
Of course its positive! 🙂
keep those :)s up!
I’ve been doing this kind of like free-association writing, only going back to fix the meter and to stick in some thoughts I had along the way. Anyway.
Time is confusing
Plain is elusive
Thoughts were abstruse
Peers were exclusive
Share with me tomorrow
Stay with me today
Brighter when it rains
Longing for hope then
Weakened, in bed
Burning with fever
Living undead
Where has the time gone?
Living so fast
Twenty-three years and
Nothing is past
This is my question
This is my row
Days passed so slowly
Where did they go?
They’re all alone
Without a phone
Widow or widower
Taymani or litvisher
A chag of three days
Aloneness for divorcees
Who of us remembers
These Am Yisrael members?
Do you give the orphan an aliya?
Invite the aguna for havdala?
Do you make time to spare
Your chag they could share?
Saw the boy standing at the back of shul
No dad to sit near, no one offered him a stool
At this time of festive joy
Touch others lives, including this boy
Beautiful, ayc! I have no doubt that you indeed touch many lives that are in such unfortunate situations. Keep it up. I really connected to this poem, as I was in such a situation growing up.
My Computer Addiction:
I flee from my pain,
run in every direction,
looking for some comfort,
searching for protection.
Protection from the pain,
protection from the sadness,
protection from my emotions,
protection from the world’s badness.
I’m escaping all these feelings,
as I hide in my cocoon,
so warm and so loving,
sensitive and attuned.
I spend days and many hours,
surfing the computer,
looking for some hapiness,
instead find an intruder.
I haven’t found my peace,
I haven’t found my life,
I haven’t found what I’m searching for,
to stop the pain and strife.
life is as hard as a rock
which shatters along the way
and as we grow older
the rock becomes a boulder
times do get colder
there’s a burden on our shoulder
and smiles fade away
-Your struggles aren’t rare
To you they’re not unique
Your words seem to be yet again
describing not you, but me
-A better cleaner distraction
Is what you need to find
To empty the full inner well
Or to change topics in your mind
-A friend to talk to, a way to vent
For this the coffee room’s great
Except when you need instant reaction
And the posting happens late
-Find a friend to chat with,
Or a diary with whom to share
Get some books from your kosher library
Or learn to paint or style hair
-Find a hobby that can be done
Any time of night or day
Have a list of things to do
When emotions get in the way
-Limit your computer time
Its the nicest thing you can do.
And who knows better than yourself
How to be nice to you?
WOW! You’ve got talent…:)
SaysMe
Love your writing; you’ve a great style
You show heart and talent all the while
Can’t wait to hear from you more
For you display wisdom galore!
Thanx for the encouragement
It keeps my spark alive
Gets me to post tho unsure
If my words help others thrive
Tho i know more than others
I am helping myself
Facing my own emotions
Through another’s rhyming wealth
As I put up words
I stop and contemplate
What abt myself, i need this too
Let me do it now, don’t wait
A chance to share my feelings
and experiences good and bad
In a give and take where everyone
Has special points to add
Yitayningwut – hey, that’s good! Is it a painful expression or just as a reflection or both?!
AYC, that’s something to think about… i love how you write btw!
Blabla, yes, those words you write are so true. The computer won’t be a protection at all and yet it fools us into thinking it is. … how are you doing now?
Moskidoodle, you’re right. It’s a expressive little rhyme! I hope that although it’s dark and so difficult we can STILL find reason to smile. May the rock not give to you so much trouble, so to speak.
SaysMe you are really amazing and i love your writing!! Keep doing so as much as you are comfortable, and yes, people do enjoy your posts!!
Princess – Thanx. It’s kind of a painful expression. It’s about frustration, and longing for something to fill a void, and a reflection of the time lost while obsessed with that and other unfulfilling enterprises.
yitayningwut
you’ve expressed the dilemma quite well
the answers are much harder to tell…
if you have the zchus to figure it out
Come right back and the answers just spout!
yitayningwut, i’m sorry to hear that. thank you for clarifying! I felt the pain in the words but i didn’t make it out. It’s very difficult to look back and see that… can you also look back and see other things beside for hurting void? What are your options now? i really hope it will work out well for you.
am yisrael chai – 🙂
Princess – I’m a complicated guy – lol. You could probably infer from the majority of my posts on this site that I don’t see emotions and for that matter the arts (such as poetry) as meaningful, but that wouldn’t really be true. And to be honest, I recently answered in a questionnaire online that ultimately I trust feelings over reason. Basically I’m saying I have different tracks, and on different levels I feel and even “believe” different things. I’m always aware of the other tracks, but I’m not always “in it.” For some reason when I’m “in” poetry, I become aware of all those painful feelings. But it’s like I’m watching a movie of myself, I’m very aware but I’m not actually feeling it, in truth I’m feeling very calm and even dreamy. Weird. I don’t know if I’m making sense. But anyway, to answer your question, I do have options and I probably appear emotionally healthy and I do reflect on other things too. Maybe one day my poetry track will be upgraded to include those other, more positive reflections.
yit
You’re describing dissociation to a T
Resulting from some trauma usually
There are those who do specialize in this
So your greatness may shine with nothing amiss!
AYC
Though I don’t have experience or advice to give
It’s clear to see no matter what, that by your words you live
Always holding others up- advice, support and care
A ‘nature to help others’ as you do is special and rare
In tune to others feelings, cuz you know what emotions are
This maaleh should carry you through and take you oh so far
And high. Neshoma glowing, you’re reaching such great heights
Cuz even when your bulb’s gone dull, you’re lighting others lights
May your special strength reach around right back to you
And others shower down on you like the kindness that you do
Dr. AYC –
Wow, that is so interesting. I just checked it up on Wikipedia and I never knew that. But I don’t know if it’s me though. I am always aware of every aspect of my personality and I rarely forget anything about anything. It’s just that I change gears and my values shift and different feelings are put into play but I know all this and am aware of it. When I answered the question on that questionnaire my mind was being very logical and analytical, yet I chose feelings because I am aware that this is me.
Oh and I apologize to everyone for my lapse into prose on this poetry thread. I’m not as talented as AYC to be able to make everything I want to say rhyme 🙂
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