ATT POETRY PEOPLE

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  • #1168510
    SaysMe
    Member

    nas, jmh- twas my attempt at humor :). You two just seemed to be having a lotta fun outdoing each other! I’m not quite even close to your level of poetry. U both really are amazing. Your poems flow and rhyme so well!

    Have a good yomtov all! Hope everyone feels the simcha!

    #1168511

    I’m definitely making time for me don’t worry 🙂

    Chag Sameach to all my cyberfriends in here!!

    #1168512
    Shopping613 🌠
    Participant

    I feel tangled and trapped

    Depressed and strapped

    Wherever I turn

    My cheeks begin to burn

    But does anyone care?

    Does anyone want a burden to share?

    I just want to cry

    understand and bring proof

    But no one cares

    no one wants a burden to share

    Each girl knows a small part

    and together they could read my heart

    To Hashem I cry

    If only they would care

    This is how I feel right now…

    #1168513
    just my hapence
    Participant

    SM – we do have fun, lots of it… We’ve been doing it since we were kids. Many thanks for the compliment!

    #1168514
    BYbychoice
    Member

    We never will

    She walked up the path to her destination

    Not able to take her yes off it

    Standing so strong and giving a message to all

    Never forget, never again

    In the builiding stood a woman welcoming all who came in

    The girl herself thinks weather its possible to enjoy being there where she will learn

    Never forget. Never again

    As the girl wonders the empty halls she wonders in her empty heart

    Why did noo ne tell me? How could they ever keep it from me?

    For now she saw the truth and it daunts her to this day

    Never forget never again

    A Million faces a billion stories

    They all came from somewhere hoping to head to a place

    And yet there they stood frozen in time before her

    Never forget never again

    She walks by a car but not just any

    A cattle car is what it was ment for

    And yet humans where shoved and killed inside

    Never forget never again

    Her heart skips a beat

    The facts still making their way

    Anger arises in her

    Never forget never again

    Getting ready to leave she thinks through her visit

    And overall once message remains etched in her heart

    So many lost so many taken from us

    Surely there is something we can all do

    Dazed as she was she kept thinking to herself

    This has to be known

    The world must know

    Never forget never again

    #1168515
    SaysMe
    Member

    all the other adults

    ’round here seem to hate me

    wish i’d up and marry

    wish i’d change or leave

    my acting only goes

    so far til i come through

    but they clearly detest it

    from the faces i receive

    the looks of disdain i get

    the sneers and the scorn

    burn deeply into my soul

    break through to my heart

    my armor thats erected

    around my emotions

    cant withstand the looks they give

    the tears beg to depart

    when theres a lack of compliments

    a soul can become dull

    no warmth to let the color shine

    nor support to help it grow

    but when replaced with insult

    then i begin to fail

    to shrivel up, and curl right in

    nothing good to show

    it hurts! It does! So very much!

    What do u have against me?

    What have i done to hurt you,

    that venom will spill out?

    I try so hard to be kind

    and helpful to you

    but my efforts seem in vain

    no change do they bring about.

    Sukkos, they say, be happy!

    Its a chiyuv too, y’know

    but when enduring put downs

    its so hard to truly smile

    i cannot do this any more

    i retreat inside my shell

    i will not offer you my help

    not for the next short while

    i will act civil and polite

    like i always try

    but will not go beyond that line

    cant take the degradation

    so enjoy your sukkos break

    and i’ll suffer through mine

    and i hope next year there will be change

    and it’ll be a mutual celebration

    yeah, i know it doesnt flow, or rhyme, or anything, and i’m not rereading it at all so it might not even make sense. Just had to get out the words i wish i could say….

    #1168516
    just my hapence
    Participant

    We had some pretty awful weather here over sukkos, and a nice warm log fire would have been just the thing… So I decided to bring this out of deep-storage:

    Smoke rises in lazy spirals; heat haze and mist maze.

    Embers die; last glows spent fast, shadow of the recent past.

    Flame fights to stay alight; seized the day then went astray,

    So it kicks up and licks the air, but nothing sticks.

    Hit and miss as the last soft hiss of stubborn fire as it fails

    Flicks its forked tongues, cursed, worsted, now it ails

    And sinks, a few more blinks before it drops, stops

    And dies, and is no more.

    #1168517
    MiddlePath
    Participant

    Hello, everyone. Hoping that you all had an inspiring Chag.

    notasheep, such great poems! The one about the dreamer is so true. Having lofty dreams that we truly believe we can reach is a great way to live with purpose, because, as you said, it cannot be easily broken. Your second poem was very imaginative! I enjoyed both.

    SaysMe, I hope your Chag went alright.e Looking forward to hearing from you.

    equeen, welcome! That poem from your friend contains many truths. We must do what we can to be honest with ourselves in our service of G-d and not let other motives get in the way of that. Thanks for posting.

    puppy, thanks for coming back here to post your poem. Though I don’t know in detail what you are referring to, I wish you peace of mind and a positive outcome to whatever struggle you may be dealing with.

    wanderingchana, yes, it’s definitely a great thing to have reached that number. But then again, this thread is really about the quality of its posts, not the quantity.

    NOMTW, hope you’re doing well and that your classes are going ok.

    shopping613, I’m sorry to see how much you’re hurting, but it’s great that you can express yourself so well in poetry. Hoping that things are looking up for you. Sometimes, when G-d seems to be hiding from us, He is really behind the scenes preparing plans for our deliverance from suffering and struggles into peace.

    ym613, that’s a very beautifully written poem. Thanks for posting.

    just my hapence, wow, that’s a really well written poem! Its imagery is so clear, and the word choice adds so much to it. Thanks for posting!

    #1168518
    puppy
    Participant

    saysme: that poem had me in tears. heres wishin you happiness.

    #1168519
    SaysMe
    Member

    mp-thanks, 2nd days were an improvement over first, b”h

    puppy- amein! Thanks. How are you doing?

    #1168520
    just my hapence
    Participant

    SM – really connected with your feelings in that last one, though I would never have had the guts to put something that personal online… I did write some stuff when I went through very similar experiences, but kept it very much to myself. All I can say, and I know this won’t help in the slightest, is to hang in there, keep on going because it will turn out well. Sometimes it takes time, and sometimes you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, or even that you’re in a tunnel at all. And then, all of a sudden, HKB’H flicks the light-switch. And you really can’t do much about other people’s perceptions except learn to ignore them. Here’s wishing you much simcha in the very near future!

    #1168521
    SaysMe
    Member

    jmh- :-/ I wish you wouldn’t be able to relate. But thanks for the encouragement. It is tough to ignore when a response is demanded. or a defense is a better choice of word… But i try!

    btw, re personal or emotional posts, I’d guess you haven’t read through the old posts here :). This thread to me at least seems to have 2 aspects, which overlap many times. There’s the poetry part, and there’s the supportive, caring, encouraging part, where people are comf with sharing n venting pain or emotions. And the combo makes it my favorite thread ever!

    #1168522
    just my hapence
    Participant

    SM – you’re right about the early posts, the high post-count made me skip to about page 20! As for relating, yeah it was a tough period of my life but B’H I am now very happily married to my wonderful wife who is a few of years younger than me and, looking back, it was well worth the wait…

    And just to cheer you up, here’s something spectacularly silly:

    Stuff and Nonsense

    Look! Here come the polar bears,

    Juggling tennis racquets

    Or perhaps Stilton Cheese,

    Which nine out of ten cats prefer,

    Though the fridge door is open

    I read War and Peace once, or so the table says,

    Most people can spot a hill

    Hope that made you smile!

    #1168523
    SaysMe
    Member

    jmh- as a matter of it did :). How DO you come up with such ‘stuff and nonsense’?? I should try an illogical poem like that one day…. Glad u’ve moved onto greener pastures. If you’re boed one day, it’s worth readin this thread fro, start to pg 20 🙂

    #1168524
    just my hapence
    Participant

    SM – they come pretty much off the top of my head… It’s a very strange place there…

    #1168525
    just my hapence
    Participant

    SM – I took your advice, and am up to page 10. I see what you mean about the emotional venting and, to be perfectly honest and a bit brutal, I can’t help noticing that it is more about the emotional content than the actual writing in those early pages. Yes, there are some good ones, but there’s an awful lot of what what I call ‘line-word epics’ (one or two words per line, no real structure or rhythm and loooooooooooooooooooooong) or ‘it rhymes so it’s a poem’ too. And there’s far too much deliberately poor syntax just so as to make things rhyme (‘I need to make it rhyme it’s true/so butchering of syntax I do…’) which I HATE (I know, strong language…). Whilst, yes, it is wonderful that people feel that they can let out suppressed feelings and that others are there to help and encourage and that writing is a medium that these people can use to express those emotions, I have a hard time equating that with writing talent. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to put people down or anything like that, seriously, but…. I don’t know how to put it… not everyone who enjoys writing poems is talented. I still don’t think I am, despite what people here say. I just know it is something that helps me. And, well, it just seemed to me as if everyone, regardless, was being hailed as a Tennyson in the making in those early pages. I suppose that’s why I don’t really comment on ability here, just whether or not I could relate to the message. Anyways, that’s my rant done for now… And I needed a rant coz I have an exam tomorrow morning and I haven’t the foggiest about the material… aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhh.

    And so, to bed.

    #1168526
    SaysMe
    Member

    jmh-hmmm k, here i go!

    So yes, it did quickly become more about the support, care n friendship. And actually it still is :). Then talented poets also add to the content. Its true not all (alot) of the poetry here is quality stuff, or grammatical, and often contains spelling errors and doesnt flow. But, and i am only speaking abt my own poetic ‘abilities’ which i publicly laugh at and recognize their amateur level, stimes its just the ability to express and portay emotions so clearly, when i can read s/o’s piece and laugh or cry, that is a different kind of talent i see here so often. The ability to express. Its not s/t everyone has. For me, i have a more than impossible time expressing m/s in person, even thoughts and debates, all the more so emotions, pain,and feeling. And on paper is the only way it comes out (or text, emailetc). And stimes only thru a poem attempt can i say what i’d never otherwise say, and i dont think abt the quality, flow, or even rhyme as long as it is flowing out of fingers. Its when i have a writing block that i’m down. So as the perfect eg, my last poem, which made even me wince when i reread now, was a horrible pc of poetry hands down. But it was an expression and that is always more than accepted on this thread, and answers more often than not come too,and let the poster know they are not alone, or are understood, or are acknowledged at least. No, its not about the poetic level, its about the care and accceptance of all pieces and posts, regardless of their quality or if they are even poetry or just writing.

    Its 100% true that not eveeryone who enjoys writin poetry has talent. In fact, some ppl who dont enjoy it are very talented too. (i’m gonna join the leagues who say u are very talented tho 🙂 ). Myself, not quite there in the talent dept. And i cannot for the life of me figure out how to write a poem that flows no matter who is reading it. Mine lines tend to only share beat in ‘my’ head. Oh well! Yes, sometimes i am breaking my teeth to find a compliment or reply to poems i cant relate to at all, and dont think are quality-commendable, tho my exposure and thus expectations are much lower than yours considering personal talent n appreciation. But often i answer more cuz i know i’d want responses. To be kind and let them know someone read it and was glad they posted. To show i care. To show they matter. Or many other interconnected reasons outside of awe. But thats just me. Different strokes for different folks!

    Btw, if you’re only at pg 10, you’re still at the beginning of the solidifying of the regulars and the sharing and caring that this thread brought out and brought about. And THAT is the poetic beauty i see 🙂

    (posting from my phone, so i have no clue how long this post is, but apologies for its length and typos!)

    #1168527
    .db.
    Participant

    Oh how I wish I could write I find myself thinking late at night when all I could see is darkness nary a light.oh how my heart aches to unload its troubled woes but what will that help won’t it be night again tomorrow? Will my heart stop to ache?

    #1168528
    just my hapence
    Participant

    SM -I think, essentially, we agree. I may have been slightly forceful last night, what with the being stressed and stuff. But my problem is not encouragement or people posting poorly written poems, it’s people going “oooh, you’re soooooooooooooo talented” when clearly, they aren’t. I don’t mind people letting out their innermost feelings, in fact I think they’re very brave. I do mind people telling them that their writing is excellent when it’s not. I do try and reply to people who I think need encouragement, but I will only say that the poem as a poem is good if it actually is. I may have been, as Romney would say, a trifle indelicate, but you’ll have to excuse that. I was a little bit worried about an exam I had this morning (1st one in 8 years…) and seriously thought it would go like a dyslexic koi. So I had a rant. Sorry.

    #1168529
    just my hapence
    Participant

    A peace offering… Just in case I hurt people here…

    The Innocence of Youth

    Their room was abuzz with lemon joy,

    Their carpet whistled a purple tune,

    And in the corner sat the dog

    Who laughed at the cow which jumped the moon.

    Their windows blazed with magic light,

    Their curtains danced upon the rail,

    And in the corner sat a chair

    That grunted and read the Daily Mail.

    Their wallpaper, a fragile thing,

    Preferred to stand just to the side,

    And by the wall sat a sofa

    Made from real dragon-hide.

    Their light-bulb hummed a secret code

    To help the pirates navigate,

    And on the wall sat a shelf

    With a spaceship on, disguised as a plate.

    Their table-car went everywhere,

    Their cardboard plane ruled the skies,

    And in the middle two boys sat

    And saw a world beyond their eyes.

    #1168530
    notasheep
    Member

    SM, I can vouch for JMH’s previous comment, since you are clearly not one of those writers he is talking about. there is no way I would call the level of your poetry amateur – your sukkos poem was beautiful and once I caught onto the rhythm it flowed wonderfully. it just doesn’t follow most convential A,B,A,B rhyming poems thats all.

    and you have to understand, his head really is a strange place to be and I know that cause I have a very similar imagination!

    Could we have the tomato stands alone please??

    #1168531
    just my hapence
    Participant

    NAS – why not?! And here, in all it’s glory, it is…

    The Tomato Stands Alone

    When all is said, when all is done,

    With nightfall, at the end of the day,

    The tomato stands alone.

    On platform three, with case in hand,

    In ancient station of worn-out stone,

    Perusing the newspaper stand,

    The tomato stands alone.

    Alone he stands, alone he stays,

    Watching the pigeons test their flying bones.

    And when the taxis have gone their separate ways,

    The tomato stands alone.

    As midnight passes, in walks a cow,

    And glares at him with a tilt of the head,

    Lifts up a lazy leg and POW!

    Squashes the poor tomato dead.

    Happy now?

    #1168532
    SaysMe
    Member

    jmh- not at all offended or thought you harsh. I understand what your saying, even better with your reply. I was just replying n sharing my opinion. Btw loved the visuality (is that a word??) of innocence of youth, and couldnt help but grin at the tomato’s demise :). Good choice notasheep. And thanks for the compliment, tho beautiful (coughcoughcough) might be a weeee bit of a stretch :). (well i guess i just admitted that undeserved compliments can irk me too! Oops :D)

    Sorry for the late reply, i’m just bogged down with procrastinated work and tests, and am going through an awful week.

    Have a good shabbos, one and all!

    #1168533
    notasheep
    Member

    I don’t exaggerate when it comes to these things, SM. I tend not to mince my words since I am also very particular when it comes to use (or misuse) of the english language. If I think your poetry is good, that means it is good. (Coming from someone who reads pretty much only secular literature, having long ago despaired of anything decent to read from pretty much all frum authors… please let my comments boost you up instead of making you feel like they are not deserved.)

    Thank you JMH! you know that one is my favourite… now how about Purple?

    #1168534
    just my hapence
    Participant

    SM – I grew up with NAS’s complaining about poor writing’, so she means what she says…

    And as for you, NAS, maybe another time. I think you may have used up your order quota, only one to-order poem at a time I think…

    #1168535
    SaysMe
    Member

    notasheep- then thank you very much and i’m glad someone could enjoy or appreciate it, even in its atypicality!

    Hey, where is everyone else? MP, blabla, puppy, Syag Lchochma, kapusta, think first, luna, nomtw, shopping, and all the rest- hope you”re all ok, and have a good shabbos

    #1168536
    SaysMe
    Member

    n

    #1168537
    notasheep
    Member

    As JMH knows, I love the sea. So here is one that I have tried to bring the rhythm of the waves into the flow of the poem:

    The waves coming, crashing, against the shore

    Steady, relentless, breaking on the sand

    The smell of sea salt filling the air

    The feel of cool water against my hand

    The sound of gulls crying, far overhead

    Steep ragged cliffs, towering tall

    The light from a boat, far in the distance

    And always, the waves that never stall

    Soft white sand beneath my feet

    Pieces of seashell scattered here and there

    The endless beach, stretching before me

    And the smell that lingers upon the air

    The soothing, calming, neverending sound

    The feeling of ultimate peace and calm

    Blissful tranquility, wonderful solitude

    Here by the seashore the world knows no harm

    #1168538
    notasheep
    Member

    And as long as the syllable count in each line matches (or are close enough) a poem will flow – please tell that to the people who think poems have to rhyme and as long as they do it doesn’t make a difference how long each line is.

    #1168539
    just my hapence
    Participant

    NAS – ssshhh! Don’t go giving away the secrets! People still think that what we do is difficult…

    #1168540
    just my hapence
    Participant

    Coz everyone else seems to have gone on holiday, I think I’ll stick this up whilst no-one’s looking, coz it’s one I’m a bit unsure about…

    42

    As I go out I come in, seeking.

    I have what I hold, I hold what I have.

    I hold in my hand, I hold in my heart,

    I hold in my mind, I hold in my soul.

    I seek what I do not know

    I do not know what I seek

    As I come in I go out, still seeking.

    #1168541
    SaysMe
    Member

    sorry, holiday would be nice. I’m reading occasionally, but no head or time to think out a response or write the poem i want to. Having a very stressful and hard 2 wks, on top of 3 tests and a paper… Back thursday i hope…

    #1168542
    Think first
    Member

    Hi poetry friends I just wanted to stop by and express my appreciation for all of you. I’ll be getting married iyh soon and I was just looking back on some poems I wrote a few months back and how you all responded so encouragingly, thank you all. I feel like I have gained so much from all of you. You guys got me through some tough times.

    I wanna shout out to some of the poets from my times here…

    Middle path

    Says me

    Bla bla

    ProcessEagle

    Observanteen

    Puppy

    Syag

    Bygirl93

    Nomtw

    And anyone else that I may have missed…..

    Hope you guys are doing alright, and I wish the best for you all.

    I’ll have all of you in mind in my teffilos. ( Hashem knows you by your username too)

    #1168543
    notasheep
    Member

    think first can I ask you to add another name?

    #1168544
    Think first
    Member

    Notasheep- sure

    #1168545
    notasheep
    Member

    tirza tova bas sara malka for a shidduch. thanks so much

    #1168546
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    Think first – I am so excited for you. And if your ability to write translates into an ability to communicate your feelings, then you are starting off your marriage ahead of many! Hatzlacha rabbah, you should have the strength and wisdom to build a bayis ne’eman b’yisroel.

    #1168547
    just my hapence
    Participant

    NAS – how could you forget to ask for Malka Baila Bas Shoshana Chava, Avital Elka Bas Shoshana Chava and Eliezer Ben Shoshana Chava, all for shidduchim…

    #1168548
    notasheep
    Member

    sorry JMH, I suppose this one is at the forefront of my mind at the moment. Not that I forgot about them, you understand. It’s a difficult situation… you know what I mean, I hope… b’ezras Hashem they should all find zivugim at the right time.

    #1168549
    just my hapence
    Participant

    NAS – amen! And the same for all singles… Btw, I need your help with a poem I’m working on at the moment… I’ll email it to you, see what you can do with it…

    #1168550
    SaysMe
    Member

    think first -mazel tov!!! May we continue to ‘share’ in simchos!

    Nas- i too love the beach, the waves, the quiet… Thank you for bringing a moment of calm and relaxation into my week.

    Sorry for the dark tone here, but it’s been an awfully hard 2 weeks…

    Looking for sweetness in this bitter bitter world

    looking for care and an ear.

    Searching for answers, a light in the dark

    a way to erase all those fears.

    Wanting to talk, to vent and to shmooze

    wanting a listening face

    Yearning for hugs or a pat on the back

    yearning for a warm embrace

    needing some structure and accomplishment

    needing to be understood

    desire to feel that a difference i make

    and the choice to do so if i could

    to have satisfaction from what i do

    enjoyment from how i spend my day

    to have an excitement to jump out of bed

    not sleep just to waste time away

    give me some space to breathe, to stretch out

    to grow into my very own me

    dont want to be put in a mold not my own

    that pressure’s too much, can’t you see?

    Let me follow my own way, create my own path

    even if it doesnt match yours

    let me follow my heart, help me dont hinder

    you’ll see how my neshama can soar.

    #1168552
    just my hapence
    Participant

    SaysMe – nice to see you back! Hope the next few weeks are a bit better…

    #1168553
    notasheep
    Member

    SM – beautiful! I love the rhythm

    #1168554
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    SM – Bleh. Why are the people in your life so blind, dumb and ignorant? Or why do they present themselves that way? You are still in HS, right? will you be leaving the house for sem soon? Maybe that will be a good time to grow wings.

    #1168555
    SaysMe
    Member

    jmh, nas- thanks

    syag- you know, i often wonder if they present themselves as such, or if its just me who’s blind, dumb, ignorant. Close-minded, narrow-minded, judgemental, sensitive. Cuz it seems to be mostly ;only?) me who feels this way abt some of those people. Well, nothing like a good age underestimation to balance the overestimation i got recently :)! No i’m not in hs. Sem was amaaaazing for me tho. The being surrounded by other girls also looking to grow grow grow, and the fresh start of friends, teachers, etc, did me worlds to my ruchniyus, bein adam lchaveiro, and to my self-esteem. Sadly, i feel like in the years since, i’ve fallen back :-/. I wish i cld do another sem year, but i’m passed that stage and age.

    #1168556
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    SaysMe – I didn’t think that you were young because of your writing, you actually sound very mature for a HS girl. I just remember a bunch of HS girls posting for a while there and for some reason couldn’t remember if you were one of them. Hmmm, so sem is out . . . how ’bout dorming for college? And I don’t advocate running away, but I do advocate getting space from situations that hinder development. Sorry if I sold you short.

    #1168557
    SaysMe
    Member

    np re age :), just found it amusing coming on the heels of an overestimation :). Re dorming. ehmmmmm, so thats not happening. (here’s still wishing this convo cld go private so i cld actually answer not in a public forum…)

    #1168558
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    Why? You don’t think it’s smart to post personal details of your private life online? I never really thought about that . . .

    #1168560
    SaysMe
    Member

    huh?? You never really thought about that? Or did i miss the sarcasm??

    #1168561
    🍫Syag Lchochma
    Participant

    It wooshed right past you :}

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