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Began this a couple of months ago, but never continued…
“Why, oh why?” she weeps and cries
“I can’t take this any longer.
The hurting and pain, the distance I feel,
The loss of self keeps getting stronger.
Why do I feel so deserted, alone?
Why is my emunah challenged?
I want to connect, to be good and to care,
But my heart feels so torn apart, ravaged.
So many opportunities for growth,
The tests keep on arising and coming.
I know what a gift they really can be,
See myself tripping and falling.
With no goal in mind, why wander around?
Apathetic, uncaring- appalling
Too many losses in too short a time
The urgency I once felt not there anymore
Disconnected, my feelings betray
Contradicting feelings- defend! Then put down!
A roller coaster of emotions
One day near tears, little things set me off
The next: nothing felt, empty motions
This is sorta really random and meaningless (don’t go too deep into it!) but i was in the mood so i did it.
He’s lively and fun,
vavacious and alive,
enthusiastic w/ his stuff,
invites friends to contrive,
so says the man w/ the red hat.
Skin silky and smooth,
hair shined and so neat,
pretty nails and makeup,
she’s beautiful and complete,
so says the man w/ the pink hat.
order, organization,
responsibility and files,
everything’s in compartments,
all neatly in piles.
so says the man w/ the brown hat.
check out this one,
you’ll be drooling forever,
you’ll want to binge and just eat,
you can’t beat it, never!
so says the man w/ the orange hat.
Quick and smart,
keen and so rich,
always on the ball,
will never want to switch.
so says the man w/ the gold hat.
happy and enthusiastic,
laughing with joy,
energetic and fun,
nothing can annoy.
so says the man w/ the yellow hat.
lush green grash,
gardens of eden,
heaven scented flowers,
not quite like sweden.
so says the man w/ the green hat.
peace and serenity,
contemptness, completion,
sincerity and calmness,
generosity, accretion.
so says the man w/ the blue hat.
a magical mystery,
much royalty and wealth,
your highness, honored,
bless us w/ health.
so says the man w/ the purple hat.
deep contemplation,
thoughtfulness, meditation,
pondering some questions,
depressed, hesitation.
so says the man w/ the indigo hat.
cleanliness, purity,
sparkling and new,
fresh and so ready,
a crystal clear view.
so says the man w/ the white hat.
Formal and hidden,
death and unknown,
courteous yet foreboding,
it changes in tone.
so says the man w/ the black hat.
no emotion and warmth,
no confidence,no maturity,
but a sense of stability,
mostly security.
so says the man w/ the grey hat.
BTW I don’t want random people using my poems. Do I copywrite them?
blabla, writing (especially poems) is not my thing, so maybe this isn’t much to go on, but your stuff is good. Ever considered entering a contest?
Hey, blabla, once again you’ve done it! i like this last one you just posted… The others once again behold the pain.
Kapusta, i think she does write VERY well too! Good to see you at this end of the c.r too i like your posts;)
LSH – very nice piece, thanks for sharing!
SaysMe, i actually did respond earlier to your previous post but before i had the chance to press send post it crashed on me.. i have been thinkin’ of you and hoping you’re okay.
i’m really impressed / amazed with you!! You seem to try so hard to just keep strong and keep going. You seem to know where you are heading to, where you are hoping to get to, and yes, struggling along the way. You talk of “doing your best” – your best is just TRYING, there are times this is just holding on tight!!!
Keep holding on, you’re doing a great job! You’re poem is written very well, are you still feeling this way? You clearly express the struggle of knowing and yet finding it so hard to actually follow through. i hope it gets easier for all of us!! And thank you for your kind words, i appreciate them 😉
Observanteen – how are you faring?!!! You’re words of wisdom are missed on here.
tryinghard – do you still need it? What did you use in the end?
I do feel that way in my downs still, and i guess less intensely in my ups too. Its funny that you say i “seem to know where you are heading”, when i feel like i’m lost with no map or goal. at least i know the general direction i wanna go- UP!
Thanks for the response x2!! and thanx specifically for this line-i needed to hear that again.
“You talk of “doing your best” – your best is just TRYING, . there are times this is just holding on tight!!!”
Blabla- i also really liked that poem! don’t worry, i won’t think too into it :). It’s so….. just GOOD!!
Thanx guys! and good to see you here kapusta! you should know that when I write poems and don’t post and have feedback they don’t make me feel nearly as relieved as the times they are on! you guys keep me going! I’m not nearly good enough for any contest or carriers though!!! I’m still failing school…maybe english not FAILING but pretty close 🙁
Thanks, PE 🙂
blabla-
IMO someone who does something they have a connection to will always do a better job than someone just doing it. Again, maybe I’m not the one to say this, but I think it’s obvious that you know how to write. Of course it’s up to you whether you want to do anything with your writing, but I was just saying that the option is there.
(Small rant alert: I went to a school [and I believe] that emphasized everyones ability to “make it big”, including those that were not the best students, so I’ll just say that while academics may be a part of life, it’s only a part.)
Thanks 🙂
Each and every day,
I gaze at the white and gray screen,
the time underneath,
the new hypes,
the adds on the side.
I click on coffee room,
each day,
just to see,
the latest on poems,
reactions,
uplift,
raise my spirits,
enhance my soul.
I’ve gained confidence on HERE!!!
I’ve had enough,
of pain,
anguish,
binging,
food,
calories, weighing and counting.
enough of being fat,
enough of exercise,
enough of lieing,
of faking,
arguing,
begging,
controlling,
faking.
I’ve had enough of this miserable life. Help me get skinny NOW!
blabla, reading ur last post, i was getting more and more excited and happy…til i read the last sentence.
Try reading it and replacing the last sentence with “no more thinking about my weight”, which i’d hoped it’d said…
Now let us cheer you on and on and on and let’s make that the reality! Very soon iy”H! I believe in you!
Hey SaysMe, how are you doing? What i must have seen than that made me say “you seem to know where you are going” is as you said – up;). Or maybe it was seeing the WANT to do and be better. It’s not a given. Pleasure! I can tell you that sentence as many times as you want to hear it.
Blabla! How are you doing??? To me it seems that you are conveying the emotions of wishing to let go, of finally breaking free. And yet, the need / want to be skinny is still so strong and intense that you want to just be there already and “just have it” without all the turbulence it is creating.
You have another side to you, one that is not constantly weighed down by these raging emotions. Try to keep hold of that and KEEP GOING STRONG!!!!! You know what to do – as SaysMe says, we’re cheering you on!!! (Yup you too saysme!!!)
Observanteen, where’s your say?!!?
hey im new here so heres one of mine and let me knw what u think.
life is the thing in wrappings
thts handed to each soul
and does the work without the pay
and never stops at all
most precious in the world it is
yet some percieve it sore
its those who cant unwrap the gift
no matter what its form
ive heard of those ungratefull ones
and i just cant believe
cause never in extremity
it asked a breath of me
#teamblabla
I’m sorry saysme 🙂 its just so hard cuz sometimes i feel like I can’t stop eating. Its all just to squash my real feelings. My nutritionist suggested I write here instead of eating! Thanks guys for your support! really I would not be alive without you! when I was suicidal I was thinking what would e/1 here think if I did!
Kapusta-i don’t get that-am I just slow?! 🙁
Blabla, interesting idea to post here instead of eating – lets try it out!! i’m truly glad to hear we’re making a difference, KEEP GOING!!!! You’re doing great!!! YOU ARE GREAT!
Kapusta, great to see you around here, keep hangin’ around!
2facer, WELCOME! You seem to have talent!!! Keep writing and if you post it here we’ll happily read;)
SaysMe, how are you doing?
In a good mood, hooray! Yay for finishing a hw project! Yay for upcoming vacation! Yay for Chanuka!
Hey, everybody, Gut Voch! I missed you all.
SaysMe: You seem to be an amazing person who’s truly trying her best. Good luck in all your endeavors! Your talent for writing is obvious. Great work and keep ’em coming!
blabla: Glad we’re of help:)Your poems are superb!
2facer and kapusta: Welcome to the club! 2facer, nice poem!
Princess: Hi:)
Here’s what I’ve written on the last page of my diary:
Like all good things
This book comes to an end
My emotions
An interesting blend;
It’s happiness and joy
That lifts my heart
For from those memories
I will now depart.
It’s fear and trepidation
That makes me turn cold
What does the future
For me behold?
It’s shock and sadness
Sending shivers down my spine
Are those bitter memories
Truly mine?
I relive the depression
Anxiety and rage
While I turn
Your every page.
My eyes get teary
Every time
I read my writings
And painful a rhyme.
And now as I close
This chapter of my life
I know I am
The winner of this strife.
i don’t get that
Its kinda internet lingo for saying something without saying it directly. (Did that make sense?) Anyway rootin’ for ya. 🙂
SaysMe!! So glad to hear that!!! I’m so happy that you are “not afraid” to share with us that you are in a good mood.
Observanteen! Boy, i’m glad to see you here! What a WONDERFUL piece of writing – you do write phenomenally, you know. i always love to see what you write! i’m glad you are able to close one chapter about to start the next. May it go smoothly and may you – and all of us – always be able to come out of whatever it is that life throws us, stronger, better, happier and healthier. (familiar somehow?!)
PE- why should i be? Here in good times and bad. Especially if can get someone to smile, or laugh at me! 🙂 🙂 🙂
observanteen- ur really inspiring! And keep reminding us how it WILL pass. You’re an amazing writer, and so much is contained in your poems. I hope that one was written a loooooooooooong time ago!
Blabla- How u doing? Ur not the only one who eats emotionally… I just try to find other outlets and not focus on the weight. I like the idea of writing here instead!! So keep the conversation and poems flowing!! Can’t wait for your next post!
Thanx to all of you! I get it kapusta…sorry about that.
Sometimes I feel,
I am just lazy,
Sometimes I think,
this world is just crazy,
sometimes I realize,
my life’s gone insane,
sometimes it appears,
my cries are in vane.
sometimes I see,
these carefree happy people,
sometimes I feel,
I’m peaking out of a peephole.
sometimes it seems,
my world is so despairing,
sometimes i think,
nobody is caring.
I try to challenge my thoughts…
If your arguments
fall too short
we’re ready to show
your argument support.
challenge those thoughts
again and again
til the debate
comes to an end.
the world IS crazy
but don’t let it touch u
show them all
how pure u’ll come through
as you brush off the nonsense
and sidestep the lies
your determination
shines from your eyes.
like your real life
is hidden from others view
their challenges also
may be hidden from u.
focusing on just one
good point of yours
Is a first step
to winning the wars
you’ll see how special
you truly are
and build ur esteem
and go so far
choose one thing
like ur poetry gift 🙂
see if it’ll make
some feelings shift
we care for u here
can’t wait to see u through
when you’ll look back
and see just how u grew
i know, that was truly a rambling poem… 🙂
OMG that was an AWESOME one! That really blew me away!!!!!!!!
I know I almost never post here (or anywhere anymore), but I just wanted to say that this poetry thread is the nicest, most inspiring thread in the CR.
blaba, you have such talent in poetry, and although many times it hurts to read about all the hardships you go through, I am inspired by how you make it through. Keep it up! I know it just seems like only a few people read this thread, but sometimes the best things are only for the few people who deserve it.
SaysMe, PrincessEagle, and observanteen, you are all unbelievably talented poets, as well as amazingly caring, encouraging, and sensitive people. When I see the support you all give so happily, and so selflessly, it inspires me and helps me believe that there are still wonderful people in the world. And thanks to all the others that take part in this thread as well, who keep it going and give support when it is needed.
Whenever I come the CR (which isn’t very often anymore), I come to this thread first to read the posts by all of you, because they’re so inspiring, and they give off such a powerful and positive vibe, that even with all the other threads here that are “less nice” , I can think of this thread and focus on all the wonderful things that are said here. So thank you!
I yearn,
I wish,
for a tear,
a soft drop,
to trickle down,
to pour,
to flow like a river,
to stream in in tons,
to release all its power.
I haven’t cried in ages,
haven’t shed a tear in months,
I just want to breath,
to rest my head on someone’s shoulders,
to have a sponge to soak it all up,
someone to listen,
someone to ball to,
someone to cry my heart out to.
I’m dieing to cry it out now 🙁 But I’ve got nobody to listen to an emotional wreck.
trapped behind bars,
it yearns to come out,
my pain is exploding,
I want to just shout.
To ball it away,
to let the tears just flow,
to release all the agony,
I’ve been given a harsh blow.
I can’t seem to handle,
all these things on my plate,
too much at once,
why is this my fate?
Shouldn’t I be,
an innocent teen?
with friends and family,
a life so scerene.
I want to burst the bubble,
that encircles me around,
I want to escape the chains,
I want to be unbound.
I want to escape the flames,
dancing all around me,
threatening to engulf me,
WHY WAS I THIS DESIGNEE?!?!
I’ve had enough,
it all seems so hopeless,
I don’t even know how to continue,
I’m climbing a mountain that’s ropeless.
HELP! 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 I really can’t. I want to commit suicide so badly now. I’m balling my head off!
I’m drowning,
floundering,
waving my arms in desperation,
waiting for my rescue,
to reach out their hand,
lift me above the wild waves,
keep my head on top of water,
i’m sinking,
lower,
lower,
keep going,
till I’m totally GONE!
I have to do my laundry,
And I have to go to my class,
I have to bentch,
Oh the responsibilities will always last.
One foot after the other,
Dragging the Guf along,
The Neshama singing happily,
And you all can come along.
Lost in the dark?
Cant seem to ignite the spark?
Your heart aching?
Your soul breaking?
One things for sure
Waddling in the mud is not the cure.
I was given the choice
To listen to my little inner voice
I can pull myself out
Of the confusion and depressive bout
But the more I focus on the bad
The more and more it makes me sad
Instead I must see what I can do
Maybe I can help another Jew
At a nursing home I can volunteer
I can bring them some joy and cheer
Can a soup kitchen use a spare hand
Someone else’s pain to understand.
Or maybe I can visit a sick child
To lift their spirits to make their mood more mild
In such a big world there is so much need
To care for the sick and the poor to feed
I need to open my heart
That is where I need to start
Think of someone in need
And set out to do a good deed
The more I fill my time by doing
The less my feelings of unhappiness will be brewing
In the event I can’t do something today
I will take out my Tehilim and pray
I will pray either for little old me
Or for someone else’s plight I happen to see
By taking action and not just moping
Hashem’s mercy I will be evoking
Each act of chessed will bring in more light
And with helping others I actually will be easing my own plight.
Woah, this thread is growing! Kein Yirbu!
Middle: Welcome! I too, find this to be the peaceful island in the CR, so to speak:P Thanks for your kind words. Your amazing personality and comments are greatly appreciated in here.
SaysMe: I must say, that’s truly something special. You put so much feeling into your writing which portrays your wonderful character. Keep going! Oh, and I did write that some time ago, but not too long ago!
blabla: Your talent is unbelievable. I can really relate to the poem about not being able to cry. I remember when I was suffering and I couldn’t squeeze out a tear. With time, the dam will break, and you will be able to cry… But I hope it’ll be tears of joy!
Keep going! You can do it. Remember that we’re all backing you!
CallMeDave: How truly inspiring and motivating. Thanks for sharing.
blabla-
This is for you – from a former teen.
In the Blink of an Eye
In the blink of an eye
Take it from an old guy
This also, it shall pass
Said the melech named Dovid
Of all the things you amass
The least worthy is kavod
You see family and health
Are by far the most precious
While great honor and wealth
Are not the best moreshes
In the blink of an eye
Your troubles will recede
As the years race by
And they do so, indeed
The terror I then felt
Entering second grade
Somehow with it I dealt
And in yeshiva I stayed
High school seemed so immense
Impossible to succeed
Yet it soon was past tense
Into the shidduch scene
Was the next scary phase
Was my past squeaky clean?
Who would say over my praise?
I only hope and pray
That you cheer up somehow
But you will climb rung by rung
And life will make more sense
And things that make you sigh
The bad let go, the good to treasure
All in the blink of an eye
observanteen- Thanks for the comment and encouragement. It is greatly appreciated
In a moments time…
A baby is born
A marriage is torn
One inherets great welth
A body is put on the shelf
The sun rises
The sun sets
Rain upon us
Snow so cold
Feeling great
One was kind
Oh I wish
Another time
Slur of the tongue
Damage so severe
Bright day
Was so near
All in a moment
Just a blink
its there
Before you can think
I know I’ve seen a lot
At a time, a little bit
But it all comes slowly
Tic by tic
In a moments time…
I’m lying in my bed
Waiting for a miracle to happen
Somewhere deep inside I’m hoping
Ill hear the angels clapping
But I know oh I know
I’ve got to get up and go
Otherewise nothing is going to happen
And I know that Hashem wants me to succeed
Wants me to take the lead
If you fail once
Try again it can’t hurt you’ll see
Fail twice
Part of ur road to destiny
Getting frustrated
Wanting to give up yes you do
Remember my words
Its up to nobody but you!
There will come a day
Things will get brighter I’m sure
You’ll start winning
Failing won’t be part of you no more
And I know oh I know
Gotta get up and go
Otherwise nothin gonna happen
I know that Hashem wants me to succeed
Wants me to go and take the lead
Blabla, talk to someone about ur troubles its not going to better by itself. write someone a letter if you can talk in person.
Blabla, I must tell you ur very talented!
MiddlePath- thanx for the publicity to this thread. This IS the #1 thread for caring and inspiration and is why I joined. I may give, but I take more. And the poetry here if amazing!!!!!!!!! This is the only thread I consistently follow, cuz here it feels like a CR family.
Its so painful and hard, but deep down u know u were chosen because u can and will overcome and soar!!! It seems impossible, but I guarantee if you hold tight, you WILL come through! And it will be brighter and better and happier than you can imagine right now!
Dave- you are so right, how chesed just turns your view around. Gives u someone else to thing abt, s/t else to try and fix, and way to see you can make a difference. Thank you!
CallMeDave: You’re welcome:)
ICOT: I know your poem is directed to blabla, but I’d like to thank you. That was awesome. Unbelievably well put. The rhyming, rythm and choice of words are excellent. Thanks a lot – I too, gained a lot by reading it.
Think First: Welcome to this thread (and to the CR if you’re new, haven’t seen your name before). Your poems are sweet! Thanks for sharing.
Thanks ICOT! Glad someone can relate observanteen!
Saysme-I guess I’m grammarless 🙂 c’mmon!!!!
And think first, always a compliment to boost confidence 🙂
i was not gonna post it cuz it was so choppy and stuck together and weird! well, glad i did!
How are u doing?
blabla- showed a friend one of ur poems (hope u don’t mind?)
wanted to share her response: wow she really writes amazing and expresses herself so well! she expresses what i can’t
SaysMe-
observanteen-
blabla-
Thank you all for the kind words.
==========================================
There are several really well-written poems on this page alone, in addition to the comments expressing concern about someone else who’s going thru a tough time right now.
A tip of the hat to poets “SaysMe”, “blabla”, “2facer”, “LSH”, “observanteen”, “CallMeDave”, and “Think first”.
Also to “kapusta”, “PrincessEagle” and “MiddlePath” for their kind comments and concern.
==========================================
blabla-
Please excuse my intrusiveness, but you used a word – twice – that scares me.
I’m a parent, and I’ll tell you what I’d want a child of mine to be told if they ever had the types of thoughts you have expressed here.
Please don’t ever, ever consider harming yourself in any way. Feeling down about yourself is very common among teens, and even thinking that “no one likes me”, “I’m worthless”, “I wish I never was born” aren’t unusual.
Your parents and family care about you more than you can imagine.
Over the last few week I’ve been menachem avel two sets of parents who lost young children. The unimaginable sadness and pain their families feel – especially their parents – was palpable as soon as one walked into the house. Just going into those homes was one of the most difficult things I’ve had to do, and that’s from someone who simply paid a shiva call.
I don’t know your situation or if you’re already seeing someone who can assist you, but if you’re not, please consider doing so.
I’m not knowledgeable or smart enough to know if speaking to your parents, a teacher, friends, a school counselor or someone else is the best solution – for some people counseling is best, for some medication can help, and for some a combination of both is best.
Whatever you do though, I implore you not to go on suffering, this is the type of thing that can be made better.
As I tried to communicate in my poem, “gam zeh ya’avor” – almost everyone had difficulties getting thru the teen years, and believe me, they do pass in the blink of an eye.
Middlepath, you’ve really brought life to this thread! Thank you!!
And thank you to all of you who responded and posted! Please hang around here a bit longer!!
SaysMe, your “grammerless” poem is WONDERFUL!!! Not only is it written so beautifully, you’ve conveyed such warm words, obvious care AND a very positive, powerful message! You’ve actually expressed yourself there in a way not everybody is able. You’re so encouraging and caring, i’m glad to “know” you on here!
Blabla, we’re all rooting for you! … Yes, tears are a form of expression, and releases pent up pain. Sometimes we cut ourselves off from feeling because it just hurts too much and yet we still need to feel …. do you find that is why?
LSH – short and sweet! Thanks for sharing!
CallMeDave – that’s realllly nice!!!! Written so well, expressed so beautifully, all good suggestions… thank you for sharing that!!!
I Can Only Try – your screen name alone should give the encouragement! That is a really great piece… the theme is right, and, yes, it’s so true. Although of course at a time of difficulty, each hour can feel so long and sometimes it’s just too overwhelming to be able to look ahead and see the complete picture!!!!
What you write next, firstly, thank you for the hats off. And the rest of the words – it’s almost encouraging to hear your words.
Think first, i really like them!! i like the rhythm and the themes too!
Observanteen!!! Now what would it be like without all your say??? 😉 🙂 🙂
Blabla, princesseagle, observanteen- Thanks so much for ur kind words and compliments! I really thought twas a bad post, but i’ll reconsider now! 🙂
Thanks for the ego-boost!
Princess, why, thanks! I appreciate your warm welcome/
I wrote this to all of you (especially to those who stay on the sidelines in their quiet corner;)):
I can’t see your face;
There’s a screen in the way
Can’t see the challenges
You conquer each day.
I just want to say
I truly do care
Although you don’t say it
I know it’s hard to bear.
Just hold on tight
Please keep strong
It won’t last
All too long.
Keep on going
Try your very best
And to Hashem
Leave the rest.
May we all emerge of our challenges as happier, healthier and stronger people (am I saying it correctly, PE?:))
Saysme-in an ideal world that would be the case. However, I don’t think my parents fall into that category but thanks!
Did you mean ICOT? cuz i don’t think i mentioned parents….
But i hope ur reply was in regards to speaking to your parents.
I’m torn and tattered,
I’m lost and battered,
I’m broken and shattered,
if only it hadn’t mattered.
Outta control, my bounds are torn,
I’m obese and so fat, my cloths outworn,
I’m sad and lonely, I sit and moarn,
Why am I weird? looked at with scorn?
In pain, I feel the ache,
I’m burning, I seem to bake,
I’m trembling, in anxiety shake,
I wish it was all a fake.
I feel I’ve just recieved a kick,
the wound lasts, I keeps to stick,
I wish I could avoid that lick,
I wish I can lift of that brick.
In terror I scream for assistance,
I just wish to cease my existence,
I can’t understand my extreme resistance,
If only I had just some persistance.
Teary eyed,
I’m incapable,
I can’t cope,
no longer,
can this facade,
go on,
continue
in school,
appear,
do homework,
take tests,
no longer,
i’m collapsing,
my world is over,
i want to escape it all! 🙁
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