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Whats your opinion of a ashkenaz girl dating a sephardic boy? Minhagim and cultural differences?
I know of several such “mixed marriages.”
Are you the potential kallah?
The Wolf
The simple answer to that is if those will be an issue to the girl.
Will the supposed cultural differences and the differences in minhagim bother her to the extent that she will always feel uncomfortable? Why would it be different then any other issue which would make a person uncomfortable?
It depends where those items fall in importance of what a girl is looking/hoping for in a spouse.
Obviously there are some major differences in minhagim.
Whether or not these differences will pose significant problems, is entirely up to the personalities of the specific people involved (chatan, kallah, AND their parents).
It is very difficult for a young woman and her family when she has to make so many changes to her natural customs. Many, many things that she has learned at home and in school are no longer valid and it is not so easy to feel comfortable about it. The changes do effect the entire family, as when you name your first born boy and girl after your living in-laws. In addition, the Pesach minhagim, the minhagim for the three weeks/nine days and others are not so easy to get used to.
The Sephardy community are very strict in many ways and the RAV in the community rules. He knows a lot of what goes on in each household and there is very little he does not know. And I mean that very literally. From what I am told, EVERYTHING is discussed with the RAV, way more than any ashkenazi girl may be used to. Their changes as you will start to get used to the Sephardy way of life, way of cooking, way of celebrating, etc.
Sephardy women grow up knowing what to expect in a sephardic marriage. They are trained by their parents and understand their own way of life.
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Its probably hardest on the wife (JMO) since she will be the one cooking foods she isnt used to, and getting used to Minhagim she isnt used to. That being said, I do know of several people who have done this and are very happy. I even know of one person who looks for a “mixed” shidduch specifically for his kids. (All of whom are B”H happily married).
I find this entire conversation funny. Here in Israel in the Dati-Leumi community the question really does not come up. Ashkenazim and Sepharadim “intermarry” at a very high rate Baruch Hashem! The reason for that is that there is complete integration. There is no such thing really as a Ashkenazi or Sephardi Yeshiva, there is a Yeshiva and everyone learns together. Same with with the girl ulpana, so everyone in the end becomes familiar with everyones minhagim.
The Yeshiva Kitana of Karnei Shomron for instance decided to do implement the Sephardic Selichot in the Ashkenazi time frame. The students like the singing and communal chanting of the Sephardim and you go in there and the place is roaring. I think that there has to start being a integration of Minhagim as this will lead to greater Ahavat Chinam!
kudos to you YOSR. That’s the way it should be. Unfortunately, people are so prejudiced. My children are products of a ‘mixed marriage’. They have all married ashkenazim, but my sons still keep their sephardy minhagim. There is nothing extraordinary that they do. And sephardy cooking is much better than ashkenaz anyway.
How about a Litvishe girl marrying a chassidishe boy or vs versa. I know this is not as different but there are many adjusments there as well.
There are as many different types of Sephardim as there are Ashkenazi. And there are many other factors, such as where did the boy learn. We know quite a few boys like that, in fact, except for their nusach, you probably wouldn’t know they’re Sephardi, which includes their physical appearance, ie, not all Sephardi are dark haired.
Maybe 20-30 years ago, it was also considered “intermarriage” when Litvaks married Chassidim. Now that’s quite common too.
Depends if you are in Charaidi EY or other.
If you are in Charaidi EY, you may (if the male is Sephardi) have to take on your wife’s last name! 🙂
I am aware of many “mixed” marriages in the Dati Leumi community (and it is very common), as well as the American Communities in EY and Chutz. They seem to work.
I am the product of a “mixed marriage” and I am very proud of the fact. I get the best of both worlds. I know many other successful marriages like that. I think that it is easier for a girl to adapt to her husbands customs then the other way around. My mom had no problem adjusting. You can have rice on Pesach(if that is the potential groom custom) My father is Sephardic and my mother Askenaze. She adapted quite well. She learned how to cook Sephardic foods. I never grew up eating Askenaze foods, but the funny thing is in my own home, I mix both cuisines up. I will sometimes serve gefillte fish and I’ll have a kugel served alongside a Machsi. As far a candle lighthing, I light how many mother lights. Sephardim usually say the Beracha, then light. Askenazim light then say Beracha. Since my mother is askenaze, I grew up with her lighting that way and our Rav says that if thats how I light, I don’t have to light the Sephardic way. I feel that people can be very adaptable in situations. Best of luck. Give a try!! I tell my children all the time, as long as the person is Jewish and has fine Midot, go for it!!
I’ve gathered documentary and genetic evidence for mixed Ashkenazic+Sephardic marriages that took place in the 1500s-1700s in central and eastern Europe. “Ashkenazic” families with such names as Algazy, Alba, Sfard, and Portugeyz attest to this, as do genetic matches between Ashkenazim, Sephardim, and Converso descendants. My first two articles on the subject are “Sephardic Jews in Galitzian Poland and Environs” in Toronto’s Shem Tov newsletter (Sept. 2015) and “Sephardic Jews in Lithuania and Latvia” in Shem Tov (March and June 2016). That’s only part of the story because Sephardim also had a presence in other majority Ashkenazic regions including Bessarabia, Belarus, Germany, Slovakia, and Hungary.
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