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I have a son who has been going out with a lovely Bais Yaakov girl for the past 5 weeks.
They hit it off right away and really enjoy spending time with each other and have a lot in common.
He told me over yom tov that he is thinking of getting engaged to her, however he feels that as they spend more time with each other, they seem to have less to talk about. It’s not an issue of attachment or feeling for one another because they both seem to really look forward to each time they go out. They just seem to have talked about everything under the sun that is usually spoken about. He told me that they have spoken about their families, friends, yeshiva/seminary, hashkafahs, career plans, and life goals.
Is there anything specific that I should encourage my son to discuss with her before they get engaged? Is there anything that he is missing? He told me that it seemed so easy to talk to someone who doesn’t know you because you have a lot to tell them about. But, as time goes on, you know a lot about the other so their are less topics to discuss.
Thank you
I think it’s high time for to get engaged. Any more attempt for conversation will only be detrimental. All they need is to see if they have common ground – which it seems they do. Forcing prolonged discussions will only ruin the shidduch.
Hatzlocha – Hopefully soon a Mazel Tov!
It’s not necessarily a bad thing they enjoy each others company so much that constantly talking is not needed, their comfort level with each other has reached a point where they can communicate more in much fewer words.
It depends if it’s an uncomfortable, awkward silence or a peaceful, pleasant one.
5 weeks seems like quit a long period of time, it is deffinitly enough time for the couple to know where they are headed by now. also in normal non-marital relationships there are often quiet moments when there is nothing to be said, and it is very normal. this should not be a concern at all.hatzlacha
I like all the opinions from the know-it-alls. Was anybody here ever married?
I don’t know health was anyone here ever divorced?
Goq what should be should be with mazal, and you must be busy with Yomim Noraim and such, but at first opportunity copy write the title, it is a golden match for a soap opera.
just for the record health yes, some of us actually are married the goq-lol! hopefully not too many where..!
I agree that one should consider if it’s a comfortable silence or an awkward one. If each of them is comfortable with the silence, then I guess it will be OK. If they do get married, they will have something to talk about, but it sounds like neither of them have much of repertoire of topics outside of the basic marriage-oriented one. If they are talked out, is it possible their dates were all talkies, and no activities? In your list, it seems the discussions didn’t really include any personality issues–likes, dislikes, habits, hobbies, outside interests, fund things they like to do. If they haven’t discussed these things, I suggest they do
Oh, and I forgot…views on money and spending. I have read that one of the biggest conflicts in marriage have to do with money. Are they both savers? spenders? BH, my wife and I are in perfect agreement on this, but I have heard stories where this can be a big problem if they are not. Also, I think 5 weeks is really not that long to make a lifetime decision.
Health, whom exactly do you think OP was addressing?
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