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why is it that right before yom kippur all of the sudden evryone who hurt you starts calling you? why didnt they think when they did the action? i received abt 10 phone calls today from girls who ruined my past year in israel
My pet peeve is the Erev Yom Kippur mass text. They’re not actually interested in apologizing. You just get it because you happen to be in their contacts list.
We all do stupid things sometimes, our conscious wakes up before/ on Yom Kippur.
Personally, I would thank them for calling and try to forgive them as much as possible. It’s really hard. It’s also hard for them to call as well.
I don’t like it. It cheapens the idea. Only people who actually have a real thing they need mechila for should call, and they should only call those people.
My issue was someone who hurt me truly badly, calling me in the middle of my pre Y”K seudah to ask my mechilah (which I had already given the previous year), thereby re-opening old wounds about which I had really forgotten. It mamesh upset me all yom tov to have been reminded of how hurt I had been then. One may forgive, but it is not always easy to forget totally.
Most people who call dont really mean it and will do the same thing next year. Its not really sincere. People are doing out of some sense of obligation not that they really mean it
Oomis- The reason they call erev y”k this year even though they called the past year, is to ask mechilah for asking mechilah on such a busy day.
I did a mass email, and before, i thought sincerely about every single person on the list and thought ‘do i really forgive them?’ B”h this year i did, this year my email was very sincere saying how were all older and cannot say we ‘forgive’ in one word like we did when we were little, i wrote that i forgave everyone, and i calked up people i have been fighting with for years and sincerely said im sorry and forgave, this year i was at peace with myself (concering any aveiros with friends, definetly not with hashem until after i davened) it depends what type of text /email /call you get, mine was 3-5 long parographs, and alot of my friends were surprised how sinsere i was…….
Last year I wrote a letter to someone to explain how much pain they caused us and explained in detail why we were hurt. They wrote back saying they can’t imagine what I am talking about and they hope I forgive them anyway since they didn’t do anything wrong. What a slap in the face! Thank Gd even though they stuck it in my mailbox before Yom Kippur, I didn’t find it until afterward.
Ikno.and syag
There are people that have serious psychological issues that make it difficult to apologize. Google some.
Yes WIY, def. True, I expected some ashamed and extremely sorry emails in return…but in vain, i only got 2-3 out of the 5-7 I was expecting from specific people who had done me things that should not be mentioned here
I get a lot of people asking this, but they do it for real, and I’m always like, “what did YOU do to me? You’re one of the sweetest people I know!”
The only way I do a text to more than one person at a time is if they are all linked in the same scenario- sometimes I like to ask just in case I did something and didn’t realize, so, for instance, I sent a specific text to the (four or five) people I worked with this summer. I don’t think it’s impersonal- as there wasn’t a specific thing I was apologizing for, and as I made it very specific to the situation, I think it worked.
Why should I when you rip my heart out, feed it to me on a silver platter. Give me a band aid to cover the wound, then go and stab me in the back taking away the little bit of simchas hachaim that I had left?
Shopping613, electronic communication is a wonderful thing; however, there are some things it should never ever be used for:
– BDE (on a personal level, not, for instance, a shul message informing people of a levaya)
– Hamakom Yinachem… (Don’t ever do that to anyone!)
– I’m sorry, please forgive me…
– Thank you
There are others I wish I could include:
– Happy Birthday!
– I’m so proud of you
– I love you
Owning a smart phone does not mean we can no longer communicate our words using our very own vocal cords. And there’s no way an email or text can replace the sound of your voice, or the gift of a hand written note.
For some people who I felt needed to be called about a specific situation that was really bad or did stuff really bad or vise versa I did call. Alot of my friends dont have email, so I called, and most live overseas so thats just a really big pain to call everyone…..
but in general, i definetly agree, I dont have a cell anyway, which is a shock being a teen and all, and if i do get one evantually, thats one of the reasons I will he getting a kosherphone, too many teens get addicted to facebook and stuff which i dont even have, B”H
golfer, I disagree. I’m a big fan of a quick e-mail/text followed by a longer letter/note or phone call, e.g. “I just wanted to say thank you for…” and then call them later to speak more in depth. They will see your message early in the day and it will make them smile; then you can call when you have more time for an involved conversation.
So you actually are making those calls and writing letters/notes, jfem. Good for you! Seems we agree after all…
I didn’t verify this yet, but I heard that part of asking for mechila is the embarassment to have to ask them for mechila. Therefore it’s better not to ask for mechila in a letter/mass text/email. I am a fan of a mass text just saying Gmar Chasima Tova, etc. It shows that you care about them.
I actually heard a nice vort on this topic. During the Asseres Yemei Teshuva, people try to do more teshuva. They keep pas yisroel, chalav yisroel, ask pople for mechila. What happened the rest of the year? The whole year you need to do teshuva! The answer is that imagine that we wouldn’t have the asseres yemei teshuva. There would be no aliyah whatsoever. Therefore we have an asseres yemei teshuva and that should take us through the whole year and remind us to do teshuva if we do an aveira
I’m not sure what ask the rage is. It’s well known that Yom Kippur doesn’t work for bein Adam lachaveiro, so you need to ask mechila first. Most people that you’re around on a consistent basis will, over the course of a year, do something or day something that hurt you, and need to ask mechila for. But people don’t have time to call everyone they know on erev Yom Kippur, so they have no alternative. It’s not insincere because they send to everyone, they send to everyone because they have to. If there’s something big that happened that you remember and they remember, then it’s the right thing to call them up. but for standard bickering insults that you don’t remember, you just know that they inevitably happened, a text is fine.
HakunaMatada- If you’re asking them mechila even if it’s something that you don’t remember, how is that any different than something you do remember?
I have a friend who doesn’t believe in asking people mechila because everyone says tefila zaka, and in tefila zaka you say you’re mochel everybody. However, i heard b’shem the Chofetz Chaim that you shouldn’t rely on that because not everyone has time to say it (which is why in machzorim they have that paragraph inserted earlier).
Yeshivaguy-
Although we all do things to hurt other people, if you forgot, that means you probably don’t care anymore, in which case it’s very easy to be mochel, because if you don’t care, then you’re Mochel, and asking for mechila is almost just technical, although there is an inyan for you to ask, another reason that tfila zakah isn’t the best option. If it’s something you remember, it’s probably something significant that the other person maybe hasn’t gotten over, so you should call and really apologize.
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