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well, I should include, that I tell my children that if Hashem wants you to have it, then you will have it. Example, I don’t have money for bikes and you know what, Hashem provided for my kids. My friend who is a teacher had a few bikes that were no longer needed and guess what. My kids now have bikes. B’H, I try to teach my children that we should be happy with what we have, because, there are people with less. If parents are there as an example and not complain and say Baruch Hashem for what they do have and give them examples then their children will be much happier and can learn to live with less. It really is a mindset.
Philosopher- you can have certain jobs that you expect of your kids. Jobs that they must perform without reward.
You can save the coupons system for extra help they give you, or for certain jobs which are already more than you asked them for, or for extra special behavior, etc.
Just an idea…
Phil -“No thank you, I’m not giving my kids alarm clocks. I don’t have a problem dragging them in.” I said alarm watches. If you would, that would teach them responsibilty. Dragging them in, just shows the child that you’re bossy, they learn to be bossy when they want something done too.
To all: The point is that everyone needs to decide what works best for their own family. As smartcookie pointed out, there are ordinary responsibilities and then there are outside the box or things that need extra attention. I did not have any help in my home until after my fourth child was born. That is not something young couples understand these days. Yup I was 30 years old with 4 kids before I had any household or child care help in my home. So basically I did everything, plus work when my kids were in school. Superwoman syndrome is what I call it today. I also call it stupid. At any rate, my kids would help out Erev Shabbos with things that were not their responsibility but mine, because they were way too young to do them. But they wanted to help me because they saw how hard I was working and how stressed I was, and so they earned extra coupons. They didn’t do it for the coupons, my young 5 year old son liked mopping floors and vacuuming. He thought it was fun, I thought well at least he ran over it, if I get to do it again I will, if not, he did something. And sometimes I didn’t get to go over it, and he did a pretty good job. As he got older he did a better job and then when I got help he stopped.
My daughter was 9 when my youngest was born. She helped me tremendously through the years with her younger brother and she was rewarded in many ways for her extra help. But she still had to follow my rules even though her friends got to do things she didn’t get to do.
So again, everyone gets to choose what they think is right for their own family.
dvorak
Member
You can google video results for the “marshmallow test”, they actually have videos of kids trying really hard to resist and it’s cute and kinda funny too. Anyway, it is a lesson in delayed gratification for younger children.
Cute and funny? How about cruel and nasty. Those kids are much too young to be left alone with temptation for 5 minutes, let alone 15. It seems that the kids are holding back from eating the marshmallow not because of the lure of a second one to be received in the future, but because of a sense of guilt and fear of “failing” the “test”. Plus, strapping them (figuratively) to the chair with nothing to do during the 15 minutes is awful.
And then the “founder” of this test proceeds to predict the rest of the child’s life based on the outcome of this test. Never mind for a minute how ridiculous it is to do that, but once the results are out, which of today’s helicopter parents is going to allow their kid to fail the test? “Now little Timmy, you go in that room, and if you ever want to be a CEO and have a happy marriage you don’t eat that marshmallow, OK?”
c’mon squeak it WAS cute and funny. I don’t understand what you are so upset about. It proved what it had to prove. And anyway those kids didn’t look unhappy-even the ones that really wanted it-they just looked like they are trying to control themselves.
Like you said- you will probably have to punish them when they don’t come in on time, like they might lose the privilige of going out one day or something like that. After one or two times they will get the message. Forcing or fighting with kids on a day to day basis to have them come in, will eventually cause resentment from them to you.
Phil -Thank you for explaining your definition of dragging. Most others define it literally dragging. Please send me a copy of your dictionary that you use.
must be the same as my dictionary. that is exactly as i understood her use of that common expression to mean just as she described it.
ive used, and heard used that expression in that way hundreds of times.
its called slang
like a boxer saying hes going to slaughter his opponent. i dont think he means hes a schochet
from yourdictionary.com
“drag in” Introduce unnecessarily or forcefully. For example, The defense tried to drag in every scrap of evidence, relevant or not
i dont think the defense actually dragged in the evidence. there are other commonly used meanings to that idiom as well.
philo, im with you.
well, im not really WITH you. i dont even know where you are.
Mod -80- You’re misunderstanding Philo. I understood it like you, but she says she didn’t mean it that way. Re-read her post. She just meant telling them to come in without giving them a choice, but no forcing, yelling or screaming. Hardly the connotation that comes to mind with her original description. That’s why I said literally, even though I didn’t mean literally as opposed to her exaggerated definition of the word “dragging”.
So did you chap as in realize or did you chap literally…:-)
May I add that, In some of our Camps in the Summer there is also some spoiling factors in the system that we can’t get rid of it (as it seems) – that is The long 12H trips that they are going to, Not enough with the “mountains” it self (this is the message they are receiving).
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