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I’ve been giving some thought to my behavior on these boards, specifically with regard to my self-deprecatory remarks.
I did not fully understand how upsetting this can be to some people on the boards. I thank the person who emailed me privately and took great care to explain it to me while still acknowledging and my feelings and treating me with respect.
I know that I can’t suddenly change my attitude about myself. I don’t have a magical switch in my head which will instantly cause me to like myself or feel good about myself. But I can try and control how I express that self-hatred to everyone else and I can try to understand how expressing it in vile terms to everyone else can be disturbing to them.
As such, I will, in the future, attempt to keep my comments regarding myself neutral. If I hurt or disturbed any of you, I humbly ask your apology. If you can find it in your heart to do so, I thank you. If you cannot, I certainly understand and hope that, over time, I can convince you to change your mind.
Thank you for your time and understanding.
The Wolf
Thank you. I appreciate your new approach.
One thing I never understood was even while you made those self-deprecatory remarks here, you never did so at your own site. That made it seem contrived, since if it were sincere why the difference between here and there?
I actually thought your self-deprecation was deliberate sarcasm. I didn’t get the sense that you actually FEEl that way about yourself. So if you do – I think you are an intelligent, witty, and earnest poster, and have nothing to be embarrassed about.
Wow…..I love how people here publisize their apologies!
I accept your response, but am curious why when you are feeling down you don’t feel like posting on your site, but you do feel like posting here at such times?
Maybe his site is different where as you cant just have conversations with random ppl across the globe…idk I have no idea what his site is!
This apology confuses me so much. I always thought u were kidding.
Hello WolfishMusings,
I have read many a funny, kind-hearted, and caring post from you to others. I hope you may come to view yourself more kindly 🙂
Curiosity and oomis1105: If you believe Wolf was kidding or being sarcastic when he appended those remarks to many of his comments, think of the apology this way: He is sorry for the sarcasm or poor humor.
Apology accepted. Hope I wasn’t too harsh on you.
I’m going to take the liberty and ask you one BIG favor. Can you please write down privately (or at least think of) one wholly positive thing you did that day every night?
Your keeping your negativity to yourself is a nice gesture to all of us, but you have to make hishtadlus to actually be comfortable with yourself for your own sake.
Apology for the insincere self-deprecation duly accepted.
Wolf, sometimes I understand how sarcasm can help diffuse some of the anger I know I feel when I read about people doing things that fly in the face of Torah, but it is often painful for me to read your more biting comments about yourself. As was mentioned above, you’re not allowed to speak loshon hara about yourself. We manufacture enough tsouris on our own as a communtity – please don’t add to it 🙁
I also thought that it was just your form of satire. In fact, you can’t honestly believe that about yourself. I still think your self-depracating posts are meant to be satirical.
I’m with sam2. I thought it was satirical writing. Especially when you said obnoxious things about yourself for asking your family members how they were.
I’m with Oomis and Sam2. But more than satirical humor, I was sure that the satire was not of what you thought of yourself but rather poking fun at the comments you expected from the ultra wingers out there.
you sound depressed. consider therapy.
Wolf
You were obviously being satirical like your talking during leining (as you are a baal koreh) talking to girls (your family) and similar cases. I really dont understand your apology and I think its another one of your “funny” jokes.
I so thought that you were joking in all those funny comments about yourself. And I still do!
SiDi™
Nope. That was me internalizing some of the extreme positions posited here. I probably shouldn’t do that anymore.”
And therein lies the satire.
It didn’t sound like you were internalizing them, you are way too smart for that. Satirical in regard to them sounds more like it.
Mammele -“I’m going to take the liberty and ask you one BIG favor. Can you please write down privately (or at least think of) one wholly positive thing you did that day every night?
Your keeping your negativity to yourself is a nice gesture to all of us, but you have to make hishtadlus to actually be comfortable with yourself for your own sake.”
Who are you to ask him to do anything? He has a right to think negative about himself. Perhaps thinking bad about oneself is Not a good idea, but I already posted he should seek therapy.
You are Not his therapist!
WolfishMusings, honestly what I find interesting is that you always manage to post on how amazing your marriage is, how you and your wife love each other etc… and how good you are to your kids and vs versa. I always found it wierd how someone with so much love in life can think so lowly of themself.
If everyone around you is so in love with you, certainly without even knowing you, there must be something wonderful to love.
Perhaps that is your wife posting?
Health,
I am not his therapist, but I do have some common sense.
YOU can tell him what to do, i.e. seek therapy, which I’m not going to disagree with, if his opinion about himself is really so low — I’m not sure he’s not exaggerating it a bit.
However, I know he read your comment already — which I doubt he’ll follow in any case. (You could have been a bit more delicate IMHO, though I don’t know if it would have made a difference.) He didn’t rush to tell you he’ll go ahead with it, although he can do so and chose to keep it private.
I feel I’m allowed to add my two cents of something I think might be helpful with or without therapy.
He’s still free to do as he pleases. If he tries it and doesn’t gain enough from it, he can realize he’s in far too deep and seek therapy then. It was basically a suggestion which I doubt any therapist would disagree with or consider harmful.
I know you are very anti-meddling and believe in leaving everything for the real pros. Problem is many of us don’t seek it out for various reasons. If I was confident he’s planning on therapy I would have shut up. It didn’t seem that way to me.
If you propose a CR intervention, I will go along with it, though it has to be done with proper, PROFESSIONAL guidance.
And Wolfish, I know you’re in the room, hope I didn’t offend you. I felt I needed to defend myself and you are mature enough to “listen in”.
Mammele -“I am not his therapist, but I do have some common sense.
YOU can tell him what to do, i.e. seek therapy, which I’m not going to disagree with, if his opinion about himself is really so low — I’m not sure he’s not exaggerating it a bit.”
Telling s/o to go for help is Not the same thing as saying -Oh this idea will help you.
“I feel I’m allowed to add my two cents of something I think might be helpful with or without therapy.
He’s still free to do as he pleases. If he tries it and doesn’t gain enough from it, he can realize he’s in far too deep and seek therapy then. It was basically a suggestion which I doubt any therapist would disagree with or consider harmful.
I know you are very anti-meddling and believe in leaving everything for the real pros. Problem is many of us don’t seek it out for various reasons. If I was confident he’s planning on therapy I would have shut up. It didn’t seem that way to me.”
See this is your mistakes. First of all, why does e/o who sees something wrong in s/o else have to correct them?
Second, even if your Eitza is a good one -it can only have a Not good outcome. People only (usually) seek help when they hit rock bottom. So if your Eitza is partially effective, all it will do is delay or totally exclude him from seeking mental help. People who have so low self-esteem need professional help. It’s like putting a band-aid on a major wound. The wound needs professional intervention -covering it up – just helps you pretend it’s not something that needs attention! And yes, it made my job much harder. I once couldn’t understand why a guy’s finger wouldn’t stop bleeding -it was such a small wound. The answer came because he dumped a lot of liquid bandage on it. Products like New Skin are very effective for what they are made to do. They don’t stop bleeding. So all my pressure on the wound wasn’t working because there was this hard goop between the pressure and the bleeding site. So to stop the bleeding I had to put some anti-bleeding chemical on it.
Sometimes little things do more harm than good.
I think your analogy is at least a little off base.
I’ll (respectfully) agree to disagree. You mentioned before you’re not a mental health specialist. If anybody here is please feel free to chime in.
Someone who is posting on this thread very clearly has a personality disorder. I always thought so, but some posts on this thread make it so clear.
(It’s not wolf.)
Wolf,
Although i strongly disagree on some of the things you right. I commend you for coming clean.
I (and others) could not stand the posts in which you were mocking yourself, even those in which you were just trying to be funny.
Anyways, I respect you for your level head thinking (posting).
Gut Shabbos!
You’re still one of the most entertaining, humorous posters in The Coffee Room.
Wolfish,
Thank you. I must have missed your earlier post where you kindly allowed me to offer unsolicited advice. If I would have noticed it earlier I probably wouldn’t have felt the need to respond to Health.
Thanks again & good shabbos.
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