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I hope my post will be allowed – I totally ID with your last post about ADHD. I got As and Bs in school like you, but I had to work really hard for them. I would study for hours, but my mind would wander and I would fight myself constantly to stay focused. I was determined to do well but I spent so much emotional energy being “on guard” that I couldn’t focus normally. I should have had straight As for as much time as I spent studying!
One thing maybe you could try is finding a frum mom who would be willing to “tutor” you (let you do your homework at her house) in exchange for babysitting/being a mother’s helper. You would be able to study in a safer environment AND you could observe how she mothers her children (and practice on her kids!!).
Hatzlacha, and chag kosher v’sameach 🙂
first of all im so touched you opend this thread for me,its so major sweet of you,i thank you from the bottom of my heart! you also have ADHD? I have always worked hard for my grades and have been pretty proud of them my mother has told me that Bs are really bad and i should be getting As,im not sure about that… and yes i do try hard at home with other things with my mother its hard to balance the energy i have and put it where…. that is a great idea i might try to find someone to do that with it would really help. thank you so much again, may you have much bracha in everything! chag kosher vseamch 😀
I think ADHD is very common in people who have been abused. I have friends who have ADHD and I have a lot of characteristics of it, but was never evaluated.
fkelly- what do you mean ADHD is common in people who are abused? do you mean since its genetic that a parent who has it will abuse and the kid probably has it so they are abused kid with ADHD? For years my parents thought that i had a learning disability and for years my teachers tortured me because they thought i just didnt want to pay attention to them,only recently was i evaluated for it
Im not really sure, I just know that a lot of people who were abused have ADHD. And my friends therapist told her that she probably wouldn’t have had ADHD (and other things) had she not been abused.
fkelly: ADHD is a spectrum disorder with genetic, epigenetic and environmental causes. Getting your head banged against the wall can cause ADHD (which is part of why it used to be known as “minimal brain damage”).
i believe that when people are older they do have syptoms that mimic ADHD or may seem to look like it,but isnt proven that can get ADHD from brain injuries or other such things
According to wikipedia-
“The specific causes of ADHD are not known. There are, however, a number of factors that may contribute to, or exacerbate ADHD. They include genetics, diet and the social and physical environments.”
“The World Health Organization states that the diagnosis of ADHD can represent family dysfunction”
“Researchers have found behavior typical of ADHD in children who have suffered violence and emotional abuse.”
fkelly- yes” behavior typical of ADHD…” not necasarily causing it,thank you for looking it up 🙂
well my mother apoligized to me about yelling at me and throwing the drawer and ripping my shirt, im kind of losing my nerve to tell someone about theses things….do you think that after telling her a few times how i feel about it has changed things it, do i still hve to get help?
yes, you still should. The apology does count as something, but those things shouldn’t even happen in the first place. No one can force you to do something, but I think you should try to push yourself too. Time does that to us, makes us reconsider, worry, lose nerve. But push forward, keep strong in your resolve. You could always ask them if they think it’s ok if she apologizes after. But if you change the story a bit, tell me what you think. If someone’s father beat him, left him with bruises, or didn’t let him eat for 2 days, but he then came to him apologizing with tears in his eyes, is that okay now? Does it cancel out the abuse done? and is that father now trusted to not repeat actions in a moment of rage?
saysme- i hear what your saying,and i do understand,but i just feel i keep losing the nerve im so afried it will backfire on me and it will be worse, of course apoligizing doesnt change anything but im thinking maybe it could help it not happen again,that shell relize she felt bad when it happend it wont repeat????
is this the first time she apologized, that your hopes are so high that it means a change? If not, it’s a cycle that tends to repeat itself, with many abusive or controlling people. The apology, regret, calm time, then the build up to explosion again. even if this is a change point and she is now determined to change, no change happens overnight. It’s a lot of work and takes time, and it will include slip-ups, a step backwards every once in a while or even 1 for every 2 forward. It’d still be advisable and important to have support and guidance for while going through that time.
It’s definitely hard to take that first step and speak to someone. It’s scary, there’s the fear and chance it can backfire, the relationship won’t be good and you’ll need to find someon you can relate to better, that you’ll want or need a second person involved. It IS a big, scary step. But it’s also an important one, and one that can bring you so much help and good and support. Put your fears into Hashem’s hands, tell Him you are trying to do your part and you know only He can control the outcome, and pray for it to work out in the best way. And then take a deep breath and let go of the branch, trust Hashem will catch you. Because He will. Be determined to make your life and your family’s life better and go for it.
well she has apoligized before,and sometimes she does admit to times she hurts me and says i deserve them,thank you for the encouragment it really helps,i hope that the person i will be speaking with returns soon after peseach so i can talk with her,i do trust in Hashem and believe He will help me i know he has this far and will always continue
APBYG: You’re doing fine. Eat well, sleep, exercise, and eventually you will be able to figure out what to do and do it.
torah613- thank you for hte advice,your absolutly right 🙂
oops seems i got edited.
It’s sounds clear that you truly know Hashem’s with you. I didnt mean to q that. Only to say, consciously give the outcome over to Him, ask Him to make it only work out good, and then YOU can stop worrying about it (or try to)
saysme- its ok,i understand,beside its hard to understand in type if someone really does or not something like that, and your right its hard someitmes to know consiouscly things that are easy in teh head,thats why when i light i always ask Hashem to help me in the week feel Him by my side and to let me whats right for me
Well for those if any out there care to know,i have made some progress 🙂 i have discussed things with a brother of mine over yom tov and learnt some things about him i had not known before, we talked about it and there is a rabbi teacher of mine that i will be hopefully talking to if he agrees to talk to me, and for those on the thread before saying i shouldnt try to help extra on peseach,absolutly right it blew up in my face,i did not see that coming but oh well thats life 🙂 hope everyone enjoyed the yom tov
i’m sorry about pesach blow-ups :(.
And so happy to hear about your brother! Hatzlocha raba with that rabbi!
oh, and keep those smiles coming!!! 🙂
saysme- the blow ups where ok i guess i was kind of expecting them so whatever, thanks for the hatzlacha i will need it,and i wont ever stop smiling cause there will always be things to smile about 😀
you’re so positive 🙂 … remind me that line about smiles when i need it in the poetry thread
saysme- thanks i try to be 🙂
what do you mean line in poetry thread?
what you posted, ”i wont ever stop smiling cuz…” i find rly encouraging, powerful even. So i meant, when i get down n post sad emotions in the thread ‘attn poetry people’, just remind me of that line, and it’ll help me to smile
saysme-wow im flattered really 🙂 the next time i see you post something sad in the poetry thread i will make sure to do that for you,i hope it will help
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