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Shadchanim and boys!! Would you please have the decency to call back the girls and at least tell them you say “no” to the shidduch??
Shadchanim – I know you may be trying to keep from awkwardly turning us down that the boy said no, or even that he didn’t get back to you.
It’s just SUPER FRUSTRATING when girls are told “I have a boy for you!” and then have to anxiously wait for WEEKS before realizing that they are hoping for no reason. Friends may even call to say they got a reference call, but the Shadchan DOES NOT return the call to say if the boy is interested. So what was the point of that reference call? A TEASE??
Boys – you make me sick for taking your sweet old time b/c you probably have a LIST of girls waiting for you.
Shadchanim – can you please consider the girls feelings FOR ONCE and get back to them?? It’s quite degrading for girls to keep calling you – it makes us look desperate.
Sorry for the rant – but it’s hard to believe it’s just me and my group of friends??
BasYisroel127 – I am a girl, but personally, I get a lot of suggestions (albeit not necessarily good ones) and I don’t always have a yes or no answer. Some things are definitely yes and some are definitely no, but a lot are “it doesn’t sound that shayich, but it’s not a definite no, maybe I’ll consider it at some point, but meanwhile there are other suggestions that sound more shayich” or, “it doesn’t sound shayich, I can’t say for sure, it needs more research, meanwhile I have others things to look into and I have to figure out who to call to find out more” or something like that.
For example, there was someone who had been suggested to me during the summer. I had heard of him before and had never really figured out how to find out about him. It took me until this week until I managed to track down someone who could answer my questions and for me to find out that it is a definite no. Until now, it was a maybe, so I had no answer to give the shadchan. And she didn’t ask for one, so I didn’t give her one. If she had, I would have explained.
Boys get tons of suggestions and they can’t look into all of them. Or even if they do look into all of them, they can’t go out with all of them. So they might not have an answer to give the shadchan.
I do agree that either way around, if one side knows that the other side said yes and is waiting for an answer, they should get back to them with some kind of answer. But they may not know that you are waiting for an answer.
All they know is that tons of resumes were sent to them, they don’t know if any of these girls already said yes, and they are overwhelmed trying to figure out who to look into and who to go out with.
Maybe try calling the shadchan to remind her?
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