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squeak- love the “ess geit mich nisht un” attitude
It’s not that at all areivim. It is more like this: You should only concern yourself over things within your control or responsibility. In most cases, that means only controlling your own actions and reactions. The other person is responsible for their own, and you can’t do anything about it.
translation please areivim (or squeak cuz you know what it means….)????
thanks guys and gals for being there for me!!! Its starting to work a little… I actually spoke to this person a whole sentence or two! (I am not making this up… that’s whats crazy about it all). THANKS!!!
Your efforts are paying off, good work!
areivim said that I was suggesting you take an “It doesn’t matter to me” attitude. Which is almost, but not quite, what I meant. It certainly does matter to you; it is just that it is out of your control. Which is why I don’t suggest that you try to get this person to speak to you in sentences. Maybe he has a reticent or introverted personality. Maybe he doesn’t speak to anyone in sentences (I know people like this).
But you should not stand around and take verbal abuse from this person either. So my suggestion was just that you try to get him to see you as a person by chatting with him occasionally. Don’t try to make him into a different person, just make him see that YOU are one. Hopefully, he will soon be able to see you as something more than just a vessel to receive criticism.
If he still only criticizes you after all your effort, well, there are always other places to work.
I wish I could find somewhere else, but it doesnt seem like it…
I have been being polite, and I tried giving the benefit of the doubt that this person wont talk to anyone, but the problem is when I hear conversations during lunch or whatever…. normal conversations and one would never believe that they dont happen with everyone. But thanks for your help! I really appreciate it! Your advice is well received over here!!!
with absolutely no intention to sound sarcastic i must say that this thread is rly gr8! such good advice! and i really do believe as squeak or whoever said that some things are just out of your control…i like the line that said something like none of his actions are you prob besides for your reaction! so true! although alot of things are def easier said than done i must say from personal experience sometimes in life you just have to accept that you did all you can and now there is nothing you can do and leave it up to the other person! and as all in life – gam zeh ya’avar!
I know that this is an old thread but i feel like I am dropping and need support! HELP!
(lowoo lowoo lowoo) help is on the waaaaaay…
what area of expertise are you in need of?
havesomeseichel,
if this person is an equal (sibling coworker etc. as opposed to being a parent, boss etc) maybe you can have an open and frank discussion about it. Is that a possibility?
I have tried and open and frank conversation and have been unsuccessful…. this person starts the “blame game” and accusing me for everything from the room being messy to the possibility of nuclear warfare to the fact that they spilled their coffee 10 minutes before I came into the room… i didnt know that I had that much power! Then let me give my solution to nuclear fallouts….
its kind of hard to have a discussion when I am the cause for all of our problems…
havesomeseichel,
it seems this person has some sort of psychological disorder. In squeak’s absense I would stress that you listen to his advice above – don’t let his/her talk affect your self esteem. If some of the accusations are so crazy then don’t take ANY of them seriously and never let that person convince you that things would be so much better if you didn’t exist. Also, like squeak said, its not your job to fix that person, its only your job to control your reaction, which should be to laugh inside at the ridiculous things this person is saying. I hope this helps. Having dealt with such people I know its easier said than done to not let it affect you, but you can do it. Hatzlacha!
and BTW, if its your spouse or parent then try to go for professional counseling or speak to a rav who knows you, even if that person won’t come along.
charlie- I think you are right about the psychological disorder… I was having feelings about that and I think that you are most likely right about it. Laughing is the best medicine! Thats what I have been trying to do, but sometimes it is just so crazy…
Thanks all!!!! I really appreciate all the help! You’re (plural) the best!
hey i never saw this thread….IS SOMEONE TRYING TO SAY THAT I HAVE AN ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUE??? MEEEE?????? HOW CAN YOU DARE SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT YOU **** **** **** **** ****
hehe 😛
but seriously
havesomesaichel: ignore them dont even pay attention to them and then they start to get rly angry that ur not listening so that it becomes comical and u just burst out laughing (which just pushes them off the deep end….this is when u want to get out of there really fast) 😛 good luck
teen:
=) 😛
i like your idea… got to try it…
teen: i’ve done that before, it really is hysterical.
teen: i’m bringing this up for you, try not to get to mad that your posts aren’t going through.$
I’m usually the one that goes off the deep end watching someone turn a stony face at my anger 😉
teen: good advice to get outta there real quick 😉
IT WORKED!!! THANKS Y’ALL!!
This person got mad at me for something that made no sense to be mad about [over-reaction], I kept calm, and they stormed off!
havesomeseichel: yay!!! awesome!!!
havesomeseichel: that’s great.$
I am so glad that you all are so excited when something good happens… its like we are one family… or friends…
thanks for having confidence in me!!! Your advice is really great!!! I have to keep it in mind the next time they start driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
havesomeseichel: we are one family, the CR family.$
im happy for you, havesomeseichel! this is so great! sometimes i feel like discussions in the cr are going in circles, but this seems to be very productive! way to go!!!
havesomeseichel: we’re the CR family!!!
So much serious work and talk about conquering anger going on in here! I read some guy squeak boast he had had 2 ‘anger free’ weeks. I would be happy if I could have 1 hour without getting angry. I don’t know where to go or how to begin even tackling this. I wake up and I am angry about my life…etc.
Some people are simply angry at the world, and some are better able to manage their emotional response to the curveballs life throws at us. I have a close friend who is so angry at everyone and everything, that saying Good Shabbos to her is an adventure. You NEVER know how she will respond to that. She will not get therapy for her anger because she has “no problem. Everyone else is a moron.” yes, there are people like that. Frumladygit, I doubt that you want your family and friends to think of you this way. Everyone has tzoros of one type or another. There are things you can change and there are things you cannot. The problem is that too many pseudo therapists and Dr. Feelgoods have convinced people to let their anger out, and validate (there’s the word I love to hate) their feelings. I have a news flash for many people – life is sometimes, and maybe even ALL the time, a big challenge. Bad things happen, bad people hurt us. But GOOD things happen also, and loving, caring people come into our lives, and if we are so filled with anger that all we can see is the dark stuff in front of us, then we cannot possibly focus on all the good that is around us at the same time. And that also means we are not being Makir Tov to Hashem, and that is the biggest chisaron of being an angry person. It is marchik us from Hashem.
Wow, thanks frumladygit. No one else acknowledged my stupendous accomplishment.
squeak,
LOL! I’ve missed that squeakish humor!
Oomis,
I nominate that as post of the century! Very well said!
frumladygit,
If your post was serious, then get some serious professional help ASAP. There is a silver lining under whatever gets you so mad, you just gotta find it. And listen to oomis and get help from someone real, not a feel good type of person.
“Oomis,
I nominate that as post of the century! Very well said!”
I am about to make a shehecheyanu. That is the FIRST time anyone ever said that to me. (Thank you, Charlie Brown).
OK did anyone answer brooklyn19, or did I miss the answer? I also remember the story about the Rebbe with the coat with a gizillion buttons…but cannot remember if there was a name attached to the story, anyone?
must say that the best thing to do when you are angry at someone is to try stay normal. i once was mad at someone but they never realized why, so for 10 minuts i sat there befre i convinced myself just to call her up and ask her something! definatedly was worth it though………. and always agree with whoever is angry at you, nothing could be more infuriating!
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