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Does anyone bother going through all the (hundreds) of shidduch related threads? Why doesn’t everyone just post their q’s here so that anyone discussing these issues can come and offer advice?
Ok. Can the CR please help me with this problem:
I am a 23 year old guy, and I have never seen a girl besides for my mother. I am starting to date, and I have heard on the YWN CR that only thin girls are attractive. But I am afraid that I will find any girl attractive because I will not know what is considered thin and what is not.
So, can anyone describe for me exactly how to know if she is thin enough? My mother says if I tell her a dress size, she can just ask about that and then we’ll know.
Please help fast.
(maybe I should have posted this in Dear Popa bar Abby)
I think if she is hooked up to an IV – she is probably just about right. At least according to 2012 Conventional Shidduchim Wisdom.
I dont think its a secret that the ‘guy’ or the ‘male’ as you refer to him – essentially controls the relationship at least pre-marriage. That is because girls today are so desperate to get married they will take verbal, emotional (and help me G-d I hope not) physical abuse? even during the dating stage.
I do not think any couple from any crowd sits down at the date’s inception to discuss what lines to cross, etc… and would think things just fall as they please – or as the guy makes it happen.
Do you think that just because I never went bungee jumping that I won’t like it? People like it.
/irrelevant
Bungee jumping sounds unpleasant. I know someone who taped a farewell message to their mother before skydiving, it was in poor taste.
The expression means “having the upper hand,” the control of a situation. Often, girls are too eager to please, so guys feel like they have the control. But after the chasunah we know who is mostly in charge…
Wisey; depends on the guy and the girl
If the guy is thirty then yea, kiiiiinda weird- but what’s wrong?
Wisey
Maturity is not measured by age but by the way you handle yourself in adverse situations.
If shes chassidish she’s old lol. If not then its normal. Most girls start that age.
“Where is everyone?” Wisey asks-
Out on a date.
The guys that is.
Everyone here knows the girls can’t get dates.
Hmmm
Something here doesn’t add up.
Maybe P bar Abby can help?
The guys arent here to ask questions because they are out on dates.
The girls dont need to ask questions because they dont get dates so what do they need to know anyway?
:-p
Seriously, golfer and squeak? I’m assuming both of you are guys, as am I, but I don’t feel a need to rub it in the face of the opposite gender that I have an easier time finding dates because I was born with a Y chromosome; it’s actually a real issue. And I’m not saying there’s no room for levity in the matter, but I think your posts were in poor taste.
Frum in the tum, I don’t know how to phrase this delicately, so I guess I”ll just be blunt-
I’m not a guy.
I’m just very careful not to let the eyelash extensions and garish nail color show through in my posts so the mods won’t delete me.
Seriously, what made you assume???
I’m sorry, golfer – now that I think about it, the assumption was likely three-fold:
1) A simple assumption that most girls wouldn’t degrade themselves like that.
2) I tend to think of sarcasm as more of a male tendency, which may be based on an ingrained chauvinistic view (that I’m not proud of) that all women are dainty creatures who wouldn’t dare say something that isn’t proper and polite.
3) As a guy, if I don’t think about it too hard, I automatically assume everyone else on the internet is a guy.
wisey: GO SEE A SHRINK
wisey: GO SEE A SHRINK
So how soon does hfo2000 get blocked?
Frummy-
“2) I tend to think of sarcasm as more of a male tendency, which may be based on an ingrained chauvinistic view (that I’m not proud of) that all women are dainty creatures who wouldn’t dare say something that isn’t proper and polite.”
heeheeheeee.
That made me laugh. 🙂
PBA: So, can anyone describe for me exactly how to know if she is thin enough? My mother says if I tell her a dress size, she can just ask about that and then we’ll know.
– Are you serious??? A) go out with the girl and then see if you like her personality and if you think she is attractive. Don’t base what you think is attractive on what you are supposed to think is attractive. Gosh.
B) Your mom is not marrying the girl you end up with. You are. So, there should be no “we” in that sentence.
Be a mench!
chinesefood-
Dont fall for old pba’s jokes. u can’t trust a word he says but thats what keeps life around here exciting!!!
Are you serious??? A) go out with the girl and then see if you like her personality and if you think she is attractive. Don’t base what you think is attractive on what you are supposed to think is attractive. Gosh.
That is a good argument, and I’d like to take the time to address it. Perhaps you’ll convince me, and perhaps I’ll convince you.
The problem with your theory is that of course I will think she is attractive–she will be a girl, and I have never seen one. But, once I see other girls, it is likely that I will not find her attractive at all anymore. Does that make sense?
I mean, imagine that you had never eaten cake, and you are given a piece of old stale pound cake from the bakery. You would eat it, and you would probably like it since it tastes pretty good compared to bread. But, then imagine that you are then given some good cake–you would realize that you don’t like the stale pound cake at all.
So aren’t I making a legitimate point?
Popa
There’s always a better piece of cake out there. The idea is to find one you like and be done with the search. We aren’t meant to dedicate our lives to searching for that “perfect” elusive piece of cake that we may never find. So just find a piece that’s really good and satisfying for your needs and move on. You get the moshol.
PBA – I forget; which one of the sheva brachos is borei minay mezonos?
Thanks for the tip Boro Park Girl! Well said WIY! You need to find the girl that is right for you! Not the “Perfect” girl.
WIY, I don’t think we disagree.
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