ADHD help

Ohel can provide you with therapy and psychiatry services. From the research it seems that ADHD is usually very difficult to treat without meds. It’s probably worth a try.

These guys have the perfect solution for you: Get spanked.

Medicating vs Spanking

One more thing to add to what I mentioned before. Naturally, we all seek love outside. But true lovers love themselves as well. If you hate yourself, you will destroy yourself and that is not going to allow humanity to succeed on earth. True love is not found in others, it is found within the neshama. Once you have made a commitment to love yourself, to never harm yourself, then you have the capability to love others like you love yourself and share that love with the loving world we live in. If you don’t love yourself and you teach others to love, in essence, you have taught them hate as well and that accomplishes nothing except destruction.

Full disclosure, I’m single so I cannot relate. Still, it seems like you need a new Rabbi yesterday. He may be an outstanding talmid chacham, but he clearly isn’t at all knowledgeable about adhd. He is giving you a bad eitzah. You should get a new Rabbi or at least have two, one of which can properly advise you.

Your wife doesn’t need you to be more like your neighbor, she didn’t marry your neighbor. She needs you to be the best YOU. There is only one you, so be yourself and be the best YOU can using only your strengths and potential. She will truly come to appreciate you and realize you are the best man in the entire world.

There are many different types of therapies that may be helpful. Personally, the 3 most helpful for me, was music therapy, sand therapy and painting for therapy. When you connect with a song, express you emotions on canvas or in sand, therapists can discuss with you what is going on in the subconscious mind and can guide you to release negative emotions.

Babysitting is not always an easy job as it can be difficult to entertain kids. I think this is also a normal issue to have.

There is a clear agenda out there to insist that people go to therapy. To overmedicate people as well. The last issue you mention about people putting you down lies with the one trying to take you down, not your issue to deal with. Bullying is a sign of issues resting on the bully’s head, not yours. But self love includes judging yourself favorably. No one can be a better judge of their own character than themselves. Bullies know this and take advantage of those who have issues judging themselves positively. Blame and guilt tripping are used to make you judge yourself negatively. You need to get the inner strength to flip that switch inside of you and realize that when one finger points at you, the rest of the fingers point the other direction.

“It’s very hard to love yourself when you’re constantly being put down”
Oh, I agree. 100%. But the trick is to know that you must not judge yourself negatively. Most who put you down, don’t realize that just because you become sadder than them, doesn’t mean that they are happier than they were before. If someone says you don’t belong, perhaps they feel uncomfortable around you. That doesn’t mean you don’t belong, it means they don’t belong. It means they’re not happy with who they are. Bullies are everywhere. If you’re judging yourself off of other opinions, when will you judge yourself from your own opinion. Many try to take you down because you clearly have a bright neshama, but they cannot take that from you, no matter how hard they try. We say Elokai neshama shenosata bi… Hashem put that neshama in us, viatah mishamrah bikirbi… Hashem guards it inside us. Only you can connect with your neshama inside you. See that neshama for the love that it is, as it is life itself, a chelek elokah… a part of hashem that is your strength within you. Find your inner strength, you can do it.

I have avoided answering 2 of your questions, as I am not able to answer them. I understand they are issues that must be addressed. But I believe there are others who see this forum and may have tips to help you entertain your kids or explain how they make it through davening.
Full disclosure: I’m also single, not planning on changing that, but I don’t think these are adhd issues. These are just life skills issues. Other people have other information or life skills that if shared can make the world a better place.
Perhaps life skills that have been useful in solving the other 2 issues of entertaining kids and sitting through unnecessarily long davenings can be shared? Anyone?

@ADHD your either taking the wrong dosage or the wrong meds. The meds should help you for more then 5 min. I was diagnosed when I was 5 or 6. Thankfully im now 41 and no longer take the meds. Can I still use them every so often, yes but BH they aren’t a must. it took a few tries before my Dr found the correct meds and amount. Also you need to have a good psychologist and a psychiatrist to get you on the right drugs and the right amount. your wife might also need a support group/therapy to understand whats going on, because without truly understanding ADHD it will be very hard on her. Our minds work differently, then someone who doesn’t have it and its hard for them to understand. And she needs to be the strength that you dont have. if it wasn’t for my mum and my psychologist I would be who I am today. My mum and Dr directed me in my ways and through living with ADHD. BH, today im a husband and father, does my mind still wonder yes, doubt that will ever go away, but when I need to focus I can. your starting late, so it might be harder for you. but if you have a good support group (family, friends, Drs) then living with ADHD is doable and enjoyable. If I rambled and the comment doesnt flow just blame it on my adhd 😉

if its running out at 7 or 8pm. you might want to think about either taking twice a day or looking for extended release. as you should have full day coverage

ADHD, do not try to be like the others. It will depress you … One possible explanation of ADHD is that neural signals fire at multiple places instead of one. That non-ADHD people will be happy doing an assigned task, whether it makes sense or not, an ADHD person will insist on doing something more interesting. There are (unfortunately?) enough people who will do dull routine activities, memories pages by heart. You don’t have to do the same. Contribute what your personality gives. As mentioned above, find what is stimulating in learning, family, just direct it towards the good things. Say, instead of video games, play something more educational or good for their brain, play with alefbeis, chess, bring challenging questions, not sure how old your kids are. You don’t have to do “kamatz-alef” with them, just do what is exciting to you and kids.
In your learning, take a topic that connects multiple issues together and try to resolve them, instead of going systematically through all items. Look at books by Edward Hallowell, I think latest is ADHD 2.0, I found his approach very reasonable.