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when does one call Shalom Task Force regarding an abusive marriage and what is considered abusive in this regard (I.E. verbal abuse, disrepecting spouse, physical abuse) (don’t worry my wife and I are happily married, we just have a disagreement in this regard, regarding someone else)
When you post your disagreements on the internet.
When you start talking to yourself because you feel when you talk to your spouse you are falling on deaf ears… They do say talking to yourself is the first sign of madness…lol
Call the Task Force and ask them!!
Physical abuse is a red line, you walk away after the FIRST incident. If you have a support system (family, friends) you ask them to help you remove the abuser from the home, or to help you move out (with the kids). If you don’t have a support system, or if they’re not successfull, you call Task Force.
Read Twerski’s book: “The Shame Borne in Silence”.
Part of their job is to know when their intervantion is needed. Why do people need to ask here at what stage they should be called at?
It’s better that they be called when not needed, than not called when needed.
This is where a good rav comes in.
Unfortunately some people wait to long to make the call and ask for help. If you think there is abuse in the relationship and the other party refuses to go for counseling pick up the phone and make the call. They will ask the appropriate questions. Better to make the call too soon than too late. They will ask you if you have seen a counselor, if your spouse has seen a counselor, if you want to see a counselor, etc. They are not looking to split up couples if it is not necessary.
does anybody know the # to shalom task force
888 883 2323 (718 337 3700)
(Before CR, there was google.)
“Physical abuse is a red line, you walk away after the FIRST incident.”
absolutely. i dont care how much teshuva a person does, or how remorseful they feel…once a person is physically abusive they are out. no three strikes. its too empowering to just give up. i mean…you ask for something…dont get it. you yell…still dont get it. youre verbally abusive (which itself is grounds for divorce in my opinion) still dont get what you want. all of a sudden you hit your wife in the face and she does whatever you want…there is no return from power like that. ive never been married, but i HAVE lived in an abusive home and all abusive people are the same. the second they raise a hand is the second they become unfit for any kind of relationship.
soliek has a point. UNless the person undergoes a major personality surgery and teshuva and makes it very clear and obvious they admit they were wrong and are trying to rectify their soul and habits. But that rarely happens with real abusers. THey need long term help.
“soliek has a point. UNless the person undergoes a major personality surgery and teshuva and makes it very clear and obvious they admit they were wrong and are trying to rectify their soul and habits”
no. not even. never. when it comes to abuse you run far, run fast and never EVER look back. there is no such thing as personality surgery…unless you mean a frontal lobotomy…and teshuva is fine as far as hashem is concerned. as far as we’re concerned…an abusive person loses their rights to the person they abused.
Soliek, Its a personal choice if you would cut somebody off. But keep in mind that there are no such things as “Perfect People”. And it sounds as though you are looking for that. If you want to operate like that you will be likely cutting off from everybody at some point for daily offenses and “wrong moves” in every sphere.
The point i am making is that we do need to be flexible at some point and if a person makes a mistake and abuses and lashes out or hits his friend, wife, etc, its ok if the victim wants to forgive. Its ok if the attacker wants to admit his weakness in charachter and work on himself and make amends. Teshuva.
We are not in a perfect world. But its a personal choice,,, if you cannot forgive that then don’t stay with them. For me personally, I could forgive a physical slap if it were to happen, but I cannot forgive disloyalty. NEver.. That hurts too deep. THe marriage would be over.
Teshuva doesn’t work without real therapy with professionals. “I’m sorry” is worthless and should never be trusted.
yeah i can account for idiots…but there is a difference between “people arent perfect” and abusive spouse. a big difference. were all b’geder “not perfect” we dont all go around abusing people. and yes…it is a personal choice…its always a choice…and im just saying that anyone who doesnt is a masochistic fool.
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