- This topic has 607 replies, 80 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 12 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
Regardless of your opinion, AZ should be the one answering this and not you.
He obviously would like to avoid the topic. I’m glad to see that you’ve come around now, though. ?
Almost four times as many Yeshivish/Modern Yeshivish girls as guys 20-30.
To be fair, it’s still not proof; the girls might just be more likely to join (although I think the reason for that is at least partially because they start at a numeric disadvantage).
gavra: Realistically it can’t work. A Reform husband and a Litvish wife??? Even if in theory it were doable (the two conditions you mentioned), it would never be practicable.
Prove it. It has happened in the past (One side BT couples).
AZ: “As I’ve mentioned numerous times. It seems that the elephant in the room is the answer to the follwing question: Are the numbers of girls who have dated 5/10 years and are still single, relatively equal to the numbers of boys who have dated 5/10 years.
Yes or No”
I think I made it very clear that for your program to be worthwhile, there are 5 other factors that require resolution.
Hell099:
Before we discuss specific tactics to alleviate the issue and of course there’s room to discuss debate tweek etc, but first we need to establish IF the issue is a numbers issue.
You seem to strongly feel that there isn’t. If that’s the case then there’s not much to disucss.
If the numbers are the issue then we can discuss how that came about and what can be done about it. Hence the significant distinction between one of your points and the other five.
If we can agree that the numbers are the issue then we can discuss further. If the the numbers aren’t the issue then that disucssiohn is silly.
Do you agree?
This was why I haven’t addressed your other five points
DY: “I pointed out and you ignored, the Avichai study showed 2% decades ago, with growth in the growth rate”
I noticed your point, but unless you can bring authoritative proof that the numbers have changed, using any numbers other than those in the Avi Chai study is pure speculation.
“In an article on the subject, Yonason Rosenblum assumes 4% as well”
With all due respect to an excellent journalist, he is making an “assumption” as you pointed out. I see no source for this assumption.
“On point 3, you would sacrifice the many girls who don’t have commitment issues etc. for those who do”
I’m not sacrificing anybody, I pointing out that the age gap is not the hurdle to the vast majority of older singles.
“On points 4 and 5, we seem to agree that it’s a bigger issue than either of us can decide (I’m not sure why you concede this on point 4 but not on point 5)”
Anything that will lead to net LESS people married doesn’t need Daas Torah to reject it, common sense is sufficient.
“70 non-anonymous R”Y agree to the idea of closing the age gap. Since you’re against both boys marrying when younger and girls marrying when older, your definitely not on the same page as them”
No. We already determined that these 70 R”Ys said nothing of the sort. They only encouraged boys to “consider” close in age matches. No chiddush there, any Rav etc in his right mind long before NASI would advise a boy not to reject a potential Shidduch just because she is “only” one year younger.
“On point 6, I’m glad you’re not in total disagreement, but I don’t understand why you refer to a smaller window of marriageability”
Lets say a girl is considered “old” and undesirable at 23. Now that leaves her 4 years to find her bashert before she drops to the bottom of everyone’s lists. If girls follow NASI’s directive to wait a year or two before dating, she will only have 2 or 3 years left.
AZ: I think that numbers MAY be one of many factors involved. Certainly not the only factor and not even a major one.
Laker: “hello99 – what is your personal goal? AZ seems to want to help more people get married. What is your goal? Prevent bad marriages?”
My goal is to see more people married, and in stable marriages. I think that the shidduch crisis is a multi-faceted problem that can only be solved with a multi-pronged solution. Harping on one minor factor to the exclusion of all the other major and minor factors will NOT get more people married, and likely will lead to less staying married.
I want to move on to discuss all the various factors and their potential solutions, and not be held back to exclusively debate ages
BTW, why were only Roshei Yeshivos consulted and not community Rabbonim. The Rabbonim are the ones in the trenches dealing with girls and their families, as well as boys long out of yeshiva, on a daily basis. I have spoken to numerous Rabbonim, and all feel that there are enough single boys for the girls, and that the “age gap” is not a significant factor.
Hello99:
I think we are discussing two different points. You are focusing on the singles who are older already and what can be done to help them.. I am discussing why they got there in the first place and how to prevent it going further.
regarding some of your specific points.
1. Your are consistently incorrect re: what the letter stated. It clearly stated that AGE GAP is the PRIMARY cause not just that marrying close in age is a good thing. Rather because AGE GAP is the primary cause, therere …..Please read the letter again. If you’d like i’ll repost it.
2. Many many rabbonim where and continue to be consulted with. YOur question is why was the letter only brought to R”Y and not to Rabbonim, and the answer to that is due to the reasons why the letter was created the people involved felt at the time the R”Y where the proper address for that stated goal. It was not because rabbonim where not consulted.
Most importantly: if you feel there are other factors and if you feel you can help in other ways, by all means go for it. I would never tell you not to. There’s plenty of room for all to pitch in. If you think the NASI Project is wasting their time becaues they are focusing on what you consider a minor issue, then by all means do your own thing… They i.e. the R”Y advising them are pretty convinced that they are on to something at the core changing that will make alot of beneficial changes.
I noticed your point, but unless you can bring authoritative proof that the numbers have changed, using any numbers other than those in the Avi Chai study is pure speculation.
As I pointed out, the numbers are growing, so it would be pure speculation to say that they stopped growing.
“In an article on the subject, Yonason Rosenblum assumes 4% as well”
With all due respect to an excellent journalist, he is making an “assumption” as you pointed out. I see no source for this assumption.
As a respected journalist, he is privy to studies which we are not.
“On point 3, you would sacrifice the many girls who don’t have commitment issues etc. for those who do”
I’m not sacrificing anybody, I pointing out that the age gap is not the hurdle to the vast majority of older singles.
Even had you been correct, you’d be sacrificing the rest.
“On points 4 and 5, we seem to agree that it’s a bigger issue than either of us can decide (I’m not sure why you concede this on point 4 but not on point 5)”
Anything that will lead to net LESS people married doesn’t need Daas Torah to reject it, common sense is sufficient.
So you think that your common sense is better than 70 R”Y?
No. We already determined that these 70 R”Ys said nothing of the sort. They only encouraged boys to “consider” close in age matches. No chiddush there, any Rav etc in his right mind long before NASI would advise a boy not to reject a potential Shidduch just because she is “only” one year younger.
They didn’t say it’s okay to go out with similar age; nobody ever thought it wasn’t, so they didn’t need to. They encourage closer aged shidduchim.
If girls follow NASI’s directive to wait a year or two before dating, she will only have 2 or 3 years left.
To the best of my knowledge, you’ve totally misconstrued NASI’s directive. I never saw anyone encourage the girls to wait.
As a respected journalist, he is privy to studies which we are not.
A journalist is expected to source information he uses coming from a study.
I never saw anyone encourage the girls to wait.
If you look-up AZ’s comments in the CR from 2 years ago, he was encouraging girls parents to hold their daughters from dating in their earlier years. See for example (there were other more explicit but these are the first I found now):
AZ: “Truth be told we need to move on both ends. The boys a bit younger and the girls a bit older.”
AZ: “Suggestion Number 1. Many many girls will be coming home from seminary this month. How about NOT rushing to redd them shidduchim to all the 22-23 year old guys?”
He at some point stopped advocating this.
The age gap is the main issue that creates the older singles… (see said letter from 70 R”Y) once they reach that point they have much to contend with IN ADDIDITON to the numbers issue.
So long as hello99 doesn’t concur and this point (and of course they don’t need to) i think further debate is fruitless. Either way hello99 should by all means follow their convinction (and guidacne) and do whatever they can….
To GAW: you can’t bring a BT couple (or half BT couple) as proof. I know of such families. It’s a beautiful thing when it works; why should children be deprived of a parent who is a fundamentally decent and loving person? Why should the children be deprived of a chance to grow up with shalom bayis? I could continue.
Comparing a couple who decide to overcome these differences to stay together because they found each other at a different place and want to stay together to a couple that chooses to embark on this experiment, without the same kind of starting out common ground is apples and oranges.
droid:
as you dug up
“How about NOT rushing to redd them shidduchim to all the 22-23 year old guys?”
That is what i said then and what i continue to advocate now as well. The people REDDING the shidduchim should focus on the girls who didn’t just start dating – as opposed to rushing to set up the girls straight out of sem.
I don’t believe I suggested that the girls themselves or their parents should hold off from dating. (they wouldn’t listen so why waste time with that.)
Do i think it would be good if overall girls began dating chanuka/pesach after sem instead of the minute the got off the boat… yeah i think that would be good – both on the individaul level and on the communal level. However to dade nothing has been done directly on that issue. Having the shadchanim focus on the girls who didin’t just start dating is a indirect effort on that same issue.
AZ: “So long as hello99 doesn’t concur and this point i think further debate is fruitless”
I disagree. Even if you are correct and I am wrong regarding the significance of the “age gap” to creating older singles. I still think that the cure you propose is more dangerous than the disease it purports to cure.
Hello99, DY: Google “Chareidim/ Chareidi Growth Rate and you’ll find many links for statistics on Chareidi population growth rate in Israel, which all put the annual growth rate there well over 4%. Like I pointed out in my previous posts, the Chareidi growth rate in America cannot be much lower than the growth rate in Israel, given that the birth rate here is almost like it is in there. I guess 4% is a conservative estimate.
MAG: You’re way off base. Knowing Ran and Rashba is a much higher level than micro-biology and neuro-surgery. Additionally, if your complaint had any basis in fact, there would be an equal problem with unmarried men, whilst the issue is not that but rather the legends of women who cannot get married.
Hello99: That’s something i’d be happy to debate you on but more importantly i’ll simply promote the projects being run under the guidance of recognized R”Y.,
(Perhaps you and others may challenge whether the projects are under said guidance, but as i’ve said previously this is not the forum for discussing that). If you/Dr P etc don’t want to believe it, that’s fine.) Feel free to ignore my posts. If you feel so strongly that I pose a threat to the well being of the community by promoting these “harmful” suggestions to the point that you would like to ban me from the CR, please take it up with the mods. One word of caution. A very important person in YW is/was a close talmid of Rav Shmuel Birnbaum Zatzal to whom the shiddcuh crisis was a very dear issue and he is well aware of the project and it’s validity.
Now for the core issues and the suggestions you deem so “harmful”.
1. Encouraging boys (and their mothers) to be open to the idea and thus date girls close to their own age or even slightly older. I can’t imagine you don’t think this is a good idea. To date this has had a big impact on breaking the stigma that made it difficult for slightly older girls to get dates.
2. Encouraging shadchanim to make a extra effort to give attention to girls who didn’t just start dating. Any downside to this?
Now we get to the one point that gets under your skin. Figuring out ways for boys to return from EY perhaps up to 6 months earlier and then they will beging dating whenever they and their rebbiem deem them ready, something that we both agree would be the right time for them to starty and we simply disagree as to whtether that is the present reality or not.
(This is without even mentioning the point that many R”Y and people with knowledge of the facts on the ground feel -totally unrealted to anything shidduch crisis related- that many many of the boys should not go to EY at all or at the most they should not stay as long as they do. For many boys the time in EY is not a time of growth to say the least. They do far better both prior to and post thei time in EY. The upside of maturity etc is far offset by the problems that arise plus the benefit of maturity could be accomplished in a shroter time span then the close to two years that many many boys go for.)
You can disagree of course but this is a course of action being worked on presently. And of course the ultimate questin is a shikul between the problem of creating hundreds and hundreds of older girls vs. the downside (not that i think there really is any) of boys starting the dating process a bit earlier becasue they/their parents etc. deem themselves ready and are not held back articifially. Either way this is a decision that is being made by people who should be making these decisions and i’m simply promoting it.
Lomed Mkol Adam,
As far as I’m concerned, you’re preaching to the choir, but if you want iron clad proof, you’ll have to show that the birth rate of chareidim in the U.S. is as high as (or near) in E.Y. (it would then logically follow that the growth rate is about the same).
Joseph,
Please dig up the explicit comments from AZ encouraging the girls to wait; the ones you dug up don’t say what you want it too. While you’re at it, I’m still waiting for your R’ Miller’s pro polygamy stance.
Lomed Mkol Adam: “Hello99, Google “Chareidim/ Chareidi Growth Rate and you’ll find many links for statistics on Chareidi population growth rate in Israel, which all put the annual growth rate there well over 4%”
Just tried that and found NO scientific studies at all on the subject.
Also, here in EY my oldest son has three classmates who come from families of 18 children (ok two are brothers) and my second son has two classmates with 15 siblings (unrelated). How many in the USA can say that?
AZ: “i’ll simply promote the projects being run under the guidance of recognized R”Y. Perhaps you and others may challenge whether the projects are under said guidance”
I will.
“Many many rabbonim where and continue to be consulted with”
Did any agree, or they all refused to sign. The ones I know are all vehemently opposed to your ideas.
AZ: “Now for the core issues and the suggestions you deem so “harmful”
1 as I have repeatedly said, I’m all in favor of removing artificial barriers to shidduchim. When my advice is consulted I always have, and will, suggest that if the shidduch seems compatible it should be pursued, whether the boy is 8 years older or 4 younger. I don’t think the relative ages should be an issue either direction.
2 shaddchanim should give equal attention to all, and certainly not boycott anyone just because they are straight out of seminary.
3 6 months earlier than what??? If they are not ready, wait. If they are ready, they are anyways dating. Do you really think after all these years boys don’t take the freezer into account when deciding when to go to lkwd???
“many many of the boys should not go to EY at all”
On this I agree with you. In my Philly days, Rav Elya discouraged most boys from going to EY. They stayed in Philly until 22 or 23 and then went to Lkwd. They didn’t date younger, they stayed in Philly 5 years of Beis Medrash. Find that today!
However, someone who truly stands to gain from EY should stay longer. The current 1 year pre-lakewood visit is not enough time for substantial gain
Hello99: I had posted earlier that an official study was done here in the USA. Data was obtained from a big shadchan here in America; and from studying over 1000 family records of singles, it was determined that the average Chareidi family size here is 6.8 siblings per family. A TFR of 6.8 equals an annual growth rate of between 3.8 to 4.2 respectively.
Hello99
1. Feel free to challenge
2. For the record Neither I nor any person in their right mind would promote the ideas that you continue incorrectly attribute to the NASI project such as preventing young girs from gettng married. Prohibit shadchanim from redding shidduchim to young girls, and Pressuring boys to date befoe they are ready. It would be nice if you took the time to accurately portray what it is that is being worked on.
3. Re: the rabbonim, if you read the earlier post they where not invited to sign the letter hence no rabbonim who are not R”Y are signed on the letter. Of course they’ved been part of the discussion.
3.you write “If they are not ready, wait. If they are ready, they are anyways dating.” yet you yourself ealrier on this thread claimed otherwise.
4. If you are a philly talmid may i suggest asking Rav Shmuel Kamentky Shlit”a what he thinks about the time the boys spend learning in EY (without even the discussion related to shidduchim).
(and while you are at it you can ask him who is guiding the NASI roject and what he thinks of their judgment. He is well aware and has said so to others. I heard it from people to whom he related it.)
4. I get the feeling this debate it running in circles. As such i think i’m done for now.
Hatzlacha…
I’m very confused. Every bachur I try to redt a shidduch to is always busy with a girl and has this loooong list of names. What names do these bachurim have, if not for girls? Is the same girl on everyones list that we are talking about an imbalance? Girls cant get dates because you redt a shidduch to a a guy and he adds the name to his list and never does anything with it. Shadchanim are facilitating girls getting put on lists, not going out with anyone. I propose shadchanim revoke a shidduch suggestion from a bachur after a reasonable amount of time passes without a firm commitment (yes or no) from the bachur. If it happens enough times, the list will dwindle to nothing and suddenly bachur (and his mother) will start getting nervous about how he has no dates. In fact, I think the whole process should be reversed with shadchanim mentioning the names of bachurim to the girls first. Let them compile long lists of boys names and take their time making decisions. Within a year we will be hearing about all those “older” bachurim who cant get a date.
apushatayid, lol nice dream! But seriously just to add upon what you said, the system also doesn’t make sense because when the girls stay on the boy’s waiting list for a virtually infinite amount of time, the girl can get engaged in the meantime, or change what she’s looking for.
Maybe rather than changing the whole system around (and giving the opposite gender a taste of their own medicine), maybe the boys should limit the amount of resumes to be considered to 3-4 as opposed to 50.
Why would the guys give up their advantage?
apashutayid,
Your confusion should end after your first sentence. You’re correct that the boys have longer lists than the girls, and are busy more often than the girls, for the simple reason that there are fewer of them.
hello99,
From Wikipedia: (TFR = total fertility rate)
TFR is very high among Haredi Jews. For Ashkenazi Haredim, the TFR rose to 8.51 in 1996 from 6.91 in 1980. The figure for 2008 is estimated to be even higher. TFR for Sephardi/Mizrachi Haredim rose from 4.57 in 1980 to 6.57 in 1996.
Even if you’re correct that the TFR is higher in E.Y. than in the U.S., there could still be enough growth in the U.S. to easily have a 4% annual growth.
DY: How reliable is Wikipedia? What do they base these numbers on?
APY: You are correct. The difference is in the attitude towards dating, not the numbers
AZ: “For the record Neither I nor any person in their right mind would promote the ideas that you continue incorrectly attribute to the NASI”
These are the things YOU have repeatedly quoted nin their name!
“Of course they’ved (the Rabbonim) been part of the discussion”
Don’t be a Slick Willy, what do these Rabbonim say?
“you write “If they are not ready, wait. If they are ready, they are anyways dating.” yet you yourself ealrier on this thread claimed otherwise.”
Where did I contradict myself?
I am sorry to disagree, in Israel where I live there are plenty of good religious men from 40 years old and up who are either divorced, widowed or bal t’shuvah.
The problem started as a age problem but becomes a “flexible problem” and where peolpe are boxing themselves in and not willing to settle for less in order to have children and a Jewish life.
I think there should be seminars organized by Gedolim to have Rabbi’s and professional people give guidance to this group.
Many people have a non Jewish view on what marriage is and how to approach shiduchim, even those who have gone through good Orthodox schools and Yeshiva’s.
Being involved in shiduchim many years I have seen many potential matches broken by petty reasons. Many people are looking over their shoulders thinking what others will say and not thinking is this person good for me or would they be a good parent or spouse
Many people in this group feel disenfranchized, lets invite them for Shabbos and Yom Tovim, lets make list of the singles that we know and get together once a month with a group of friends and relatives and read our lists to see if there are any possiblities, lets befriend them in any way we can.
Let us all wake up to this serious problem and solve it by getting involved in any way we can.
These statistics are quoted all over the place; they’re available from the Israeli Central Bureau of Statistics.
The difference is in the attitude towards dating, not the numbers
That explains why the boys are busy but the girls are desperate to have a boy agree to go out with them?
hello99, do you agree that annual population growth is based on TFR? If not, there’s nothing more to discuss. If you do agree, then you find me someone who says the TFR is low enough to balance the numbers. (Avichai doesn’t say that, especially since they report growth in the growth rate.)
1. What are the demand side issues? Age gap has been mentioned as a problem of men wanting younger women, but is this a one-way street? Do women also prefer older men (at least until they’ve become “older singles”), and if so, will encouraging the guys to seek close-in-age or older women do much if a bias against close-in-age or younger men persists?
2. It has been mentioned that Hassidim have more close-in-age shidduchim. How else does their system differ? Do more men work? Do they spend a shorter time learning in the late teens/early twenties? Is there the same expectation that in-laws finance long-term learning? How do these differences affect the men’s ability to start dating sooner?
(Hypothetically, if Hassidic men start dating at 19-20, but also start working and don’t expect their in-laws to finance long-term learning, then there will be a smaller age gap, but there will also be different expectations about what the kallah’s family brings to the table financially and about the relative status of learners vs. earners. In fact, the smaller age gap will be an effect of these other considerations, rather than an independent factor affecting their shidduch outcomes, so simply looking at their culture of smaller age gaps without also considering the other components of the system won’t help much.
Again, I’m a ger and an outsider to this phenomenom, so I really don’t know the ins and out of the Litvish vs. Hassidic systems and whether the hypothetical in #2 reflects reality.)
HayyimOvadya,
#1 – I think it’s more from the men’s side.
# – I think you’ve got it analyzed correctly.
DaasYochid, I believe HayyimOvadya was correct in #1 when asking if the bias was both ways. I do think girls prefer an older boy as much as boys prefer a younger girl.
Peacemaker,
Could be, but I imagine less so than the boys. Putting aside natural bias, though, I can’t imagine too many 23 year old girls turning down a 23 year old boy just because of age, simply because the chances are she has not been getting too many offers of good 26 year old boys (by that age, there are relatively few left).
DaasYochid,
I guess the question is, if we’re trying to get guys married younger, would the women in the “younger” range (I guess 18/19-22ish) prefer the guys within their range? Alternatively, if we’re trying to get guys to marry “older” women, how many 25/26 year-old women would be willing to date the 22/23 year-old men?
HayyimOvadya,
Most 18-21 tear old boys are discouraged from going out because they’re not ready, so I don’t know if that theory can be tested. I know of cases where the husband is a year or two older, and I hear it’s becoming more frequent.
Where there is reluctance, as I said, I think it’s more from the men’s side, both because they consider it more of an issue than the women do, and because they are in a better position to be more specific in whom they seek as a spouse.
DY. I think you are wrong. Girls get lost and waste lots of time on “lists”. If family “a”, utilizes shadchan cohen, and shadchan cohen mentions the girl to 4 boys who “are looking into her”, this girl does nothing but sit around until shadchan cohen gets back to her. Lets say she is lucky and after all is said and done after a month bachur gets back to shadchan cohen. Then the girls family spends a week looking into the boy. Finally, they agree to go out. If they go out 2-3 times, that might be over the course of 2-3 weeks. If it doesnt work out, its back to the drawing board. How many guys might a girl go out with in a year in this scenario, 5? 6? The avg guy on the other hand has shadchanim fawning all over him and can go out with 2,3 or more girls in a month if he wanted to, all the while keeping 3-4 girls in his back pocket “just in case”.
With all the statistics everyone is throwing around, has anyone done a study on girls and boys dating for 18 months, how many girls the avg guy might have dated during that time, compared to the number of guys the avg girl may have dated?
Girls get lost and waste lots of time on “lists”.
No, being on a list does not keep a girl waiting. She can see who she wants, regardless of how many boys have her on a list, as long as she hasn’t yet agreed to see someone else. In fact, since the boy usually has to wait for an answer from the girl, not the other way around, the boys waste more time than the girls.
True statistic: with the rare exception of double-dipping, the exact same number of boys are busy, at a given time, as girls. Why then are boys busier than girls?
The reason the boys are busier is because there are fewer of them.
DaasYochid,
So if they younger guys are discouraged from dating, and (as it seems from earlier in this thread and others) there’s little impetus to have the 18-20 y.o. women actively hold out until they’re older themselves, then it would seem that (1) looking to the Hassidim as a model for close-in-age shidduchim will be of limited benefit, and (2) it will be an uphill battle getting 22-23 y.o. guys to marry close in age, since 18-20 years will be actively competing. Age bias doesn’t necessarily even come into play if you assume that for the individual 22/23 y.o. guy, most of the “top”/”good” women his own age have already married and so his choice is between the remaining close in age women and the “good” women from younger years. At present, there wouldn’t even be enough close-in-age women for them all to marry within 1-2 years if they wanted to, given that the women their own age have already been dating 2-3 years. Close-in-age/older as a direct strategy might still be very successful with the remaining “older” guys, or, if the 25+ women don’t have a problem with 22/23 y.o. guys, you can get the younger guys to date specifically older and not just close in age.
Does anyone have any information on the demographics of the “older” women? E.g., do they tend to be from poorer families? To they tend to get more or less education after high school/seminary? Or is it completely random?
Also, does anyone have any data on BTs (or gerim) who become members of Yeshivish/Litvish communities? How does the shidduch system for them deal with the fact that many haven’t (and likely aren’t going to) go through the BY – Seminary (- College?) or Yeshiva HS – E”Y – U.S. Yeshiva system? How and with whom are they set up? What happens to the women who become BTs when they’re already “older”?
“No, being on a list does not keep a girl waiting. She can see who she wants, regardless of how many boys have her on a list, as long as she hasn’t yet agreed to see someone else.”
Not if she starts the game later because she was “presented” to the boys first, who then took their time coming to a decision. I think the situation should be reversed and you will see, boys complaining about a lack of dates.
“The reason the boys are busier is because there are fewer of them.”
Without exception, every single girl that I know of that is dating, when they hear this comment says, “slight correction – there are fewer GOOD boys than girls”.
Can we close this silly thread already?? Its a bunch of assumptions which is based on people’s opinions with no hard facts.
this is a discussion forum
not a university course
apushatayid: There is no point in reversing who gets the name first if it will only result in reversing the problem of who doesn’t have dates, as you indicated. Additionally, if you want to reverse it, you can in your work as a shadchan. You can’t make some kind of binding rule imposing your idea on all other shadchanim. Also, in my experience acting as a shadchan I’ve often found more good boys than girls.
HayyimOvadya: It seems to me that the older girls often are the ones who delayed shidduchim in order to obtain a higher education. Unfortunately they become highly educated but unmarried.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.