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So there was this female business executive who was late for a meeting. She was going 65 on a street where the speed limit was 40.
She pulled it out of the glove compartment and handed it to him.
A police officer pulled over a driver and informed him that, because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $1,000 in a safety competition.
“What are you going to do with the prize money?” the officer asked.
The man responded, “I guess I’ll go to driving school and get my license.”
At that moment, his wife who was seated next to him, chimed in, “Officer, don’t listen to him. He’s a smarty when he’s drunk.”
This woke up the guy in the back seat, who, when he saw the cop, blurted out, “I knew we wouldn’t get far in this stolen car.”
Finally, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice asked, “Are we over the border yet?”
Joe, a notoriously bad golfer, hits his ball off the first tee and watches as it slices to the right and disappears through an open window. Figuring that’s the end of it, he gets another ball out of his bag and plays on. On the eighth hole, a police officer walks up to Joe on the course and says, “Did you hit a golf ball through a window back there?”
Joe says, “Yes I did.”
“Well,” says the police officer, “it knocked a lamp over, scaring the dog, which raced out of the house onto the highway. A driver rammed into a brick wall to avoid the dog, sending three people to hospital. And it’s all because you sliced the ball.”
“Oh my goodness,” says Joe, “is there anything I can do?”
“Yes there is,” the cop says.
“Try keeping your head down and close up your stance a bit.”
An old man was tired from riding his bike, and decided to hitch hike. A guy in his red Corvette pulled up to give him a lift. When the old man brought out his bike that he had leaned up against a tree, the driver said, “I have no room for your bike in my car, but I’d like to help you in someway seeing you standing here in the hot sun.” After a few seconds of thought, the driver said, “I know what we can do. I have a rope behind my seat. I’ll tie one end of it to the rear end of my car and the other end to the front your bike. You ride your bike, and I’ll give you this whistle. If I go too fast for you, just blow your whistle and I’ll slow down.” The old guy agreed to it. So off he went down the highway with the old man and his bike in tow. A little ways down the rode, a young lady in a bright yellow corvette pulls up next to them. She gives the guy in the red Vette the High Sign, meaning “you want a drag?” Off they go down the highway, 100 plus MPH, the old man blowing his whistle like crazy. They zipped by a Highway Patrol cop sitting under a tree. The cop knew he couldn’t catch them, so he called ahead to his fellow cop down the rode to intercept. “Car number 2, this is car number 1.” “Go head number 1, what’cha got for me?” I got a red and yellow Vettes come down your way doing hundred plus, can you intercept?” “Ten-four, Is there anything else?” “Yeah, you wouldn’t believe this, but there is an old guy riding a bicycle blowing his whistle trying to pass.”
Fresh out of Yale and having just passed the BAR exam, Bobby was sitting in his first interview with a prestigious law firm CEO.
CEO: “I see that you are fresh out of Yale, have just passed the BAR exam, and have an excellent academic record with A’s in every course. But what we are looking for is someone with a few years of real-world experience.”
Bobby thought for a moment and replied: ” Well that’s okay, I actually I went to college for art, I found that resume’ online, and I made up the story about taking the BAR exam.
CEO: “So what you’re saying is you tell creative lies that stretch the truth though research and story telling?”
Bobby: “Umm…. I guess?”
CEO: “Can you start work on Monday?”
how many mossad agents does it take to change a light bulb
4
1 to change it
1 to inform the USA
1 to get permission from the UNHow many computer programmers do you need to change a light bulb?
None, it is a hardware problem.
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