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Sidney was thinking about how good his wife had been to him, and how fortunate he was to have her. He asked God, “Lord, why did You make her so kind hearted?”
God responded, “So you could love her, my son.”
“Why did You make her so attractive?”
“So you could love her, my son.”
“Why did You maker her such a good cook?”
“So you could love her, my son.”
“So she could love you, my son.”
*kapusta*
An American Jew was shopping on Piccadilly Street in London and entered the posh gourmet food store, Fortnum & Mason.
A salesman in a morning coat – with tie and tails – approached him and asked, “May I be of service to you, sir?”
“Yes,” replied the customer, “I’d like a pound of lox.”
“Sorry, sir,” answered the cultured salesman, “Do you mean ‘smoked salmon’?
“Okay, a pound of smoked salmon.”
“Anything else?”
“Yes, a dozen blintzes.”
“I believe you mean crepes.”
“Okay, a dozen crepes.”
“Anything else?”
“Yes. A pound of chopped liver.”
“You are probably referring to pate.”
“Okay,” said the customer, “a pound of pate, and could you deliver this Saturday?”
“Sorry, sir,” said the salesman, “We don’t schlep chazzerai on Shabbos!”
*kapusta*
Abe and Leo were best friends. They did everything together. One day, when they were in their old age they promised one another that whoever should die first, would appear to the other one in a dream, and tell him what it’s like.
Leo died, and a few days later, after mourning his friend, as promised, Leo appeared to Abe in a dream.
Abe: Leo, you’ve returned! Whats it like in heaven?
Leo: Abe, I have good news and bad news. Heaven is wonderful, there are beautiful trees, and mansions, and there’s even baseball.
Abe: Wow, baseball?!?!?! Whats the bad news?
Leo: You’re our starting pitcher, day after tomorrow.
A duck walks into a store.
Duck: Got grapes?
Store owner: Nope.
Duck walks out. Walks back in.
Duck: Got grapes?
Store owner: NO! I already told you! No grapes!
Duck walks out. Walks back in.
Duck: Got grapes?
Store owner: NO! I have no grapes! And if you come back in here one more time asking for grapes I am going to nail your webbed feet to the floor!
Duck walks out. Walks back in.
Duck: Got nails?
Store owner: Nope.
Duck: Got grapes?
Two Yeshiva Bochurim are walking on a boiling hot day. Suddenly they see a sign on the gate of a pool saying:
“Pool Closed. No swimming allowed.”
One of the Bochurim started to walk into the pool area. The other boy said ” What are you doing? Didn’t you read the sign?” The boy laughed and answered. “You’ve got to learn how to read the sign like a Yeshiva Bochur! This is how you read the sign:”
“Pool Closed? No! Swimming allowed.”
circusgirl (your new name is ***EDITED*** ) thats an oldie but I love it!
Please stop telling other posters what their new name is. I am getting tired of editing and/or deleting these posts. YW Moderator-72
circusgirl: Haha i never heard that one. I like it.
circusgirl, lol! Now tell us your previous sn.
Thanks,
~a~
I could use some humor. Anyone?
aussie, for you, I don’t know when this will go on but ICOT 😉
If Microsoft were Jewish:
1. Your PC would shut down automatically on Friday evenings.
2. Your “Start” button would be replaced with a “Let’s go. I’m not getting any younger.” button.
3. RETRY would be replaced with “You vant I should try again?”
4. When disconnecting external devices from your PC, instructions would say “Remove from your PC’s tuchis the cable “.
5. Your CD player would be labelled “Nu, so play my music already.”.
6. You would hear “Hava Nagila” during startup.
7. SCANDISK prompts you with, “You vant I should fix?” message.
8. When your PC is mult-tasking, you would occasionally hear an “Oy Gevult.”
9. Manischewitz would advertise that its “monitor cleaning solution” gets rid of the “schmutz” on your screen.
10. After 20 minutes in an idle state, your PC would go “Schloffen.”
11. All computer viruses would be cured with chicken soup.
12. After your computer dies, you would have to dispose of it within 24 hours.
13. Internet Explorer would have a spinning “Star of David” in the upper right corner.
14. A screen saver for channukah will be “Flying Draidles”.
15. High capacity DVB’s (digital video bagels) would supercede CD-ROM’s
ok, not the best… It’s erev pesach
Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college
>> graduation.
>>
>> They get very drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they >> are to be
>> executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what
>> they did the night before
>>
>> The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and
>> is asked
>> if she has any last words.
>>
>> She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and
>> believe in the
>> Almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the
>> innocent.” They
>> throw the switch and nothing happens.
>>
>> They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for
>> forgiveness, and release her.
>>
>> The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last
>> words…
>>
>> “I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in
>> the
>> power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” They >> throw
>> the switch and again, nothing happens.
>>
>> Again they all immediately fall to their knees , beg for
>> forgiveness and
>> release her.
>>
>> The last one (you knew it), a blonde, is strapped in and says,
>> “Well, I’m
>> from the University of Tennessee and just graduated with a degree
>> in
>> Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, y’all ain’t
>> gonna
>> electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says “Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load.” The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they’ve never spoken, the blonde says brightly, “Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!” Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says “Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!” When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says…
“Hi, my name is Mark, it’s winter in Pennsylvania and I’m driving the SALT TRUCK!”
A blonde and a lawyer were seated next to each other on a long flight. To pass the time, the lawyer suggested that they try to stump one another with trivia.”If I ask you something that you don’t know, you owe me $5. The same goes if you ask me something I don’t know.”The blonde refused. “Okay. If you don’t know an answer, you pay me $5, but if I don’t know an answer, I pay you $50,” said the lawyer.The blonde accepted. The lawyer went first.”What is the distance from the earth to the moon?” The blonde didn’t say anything, but merely reached into her purse, pulled out a $5 bill and handed it to the lawyer.Then it was her turn.”What has four legs going up a hill, but only three coming down?”The lawyer had no idea, so he gave her a $50 bill.”So, what is it?”The blonde said nothing — she just reached into her purse and handed the lawyer a $5 bill.
smart blonde!
1. Your reading my comment
2. Now your saying/thinking whats that stupid fact
4. You didn’t notice that i skipped 3.
5. your checking it now
6. your smiling
7. Your still reading my comment
8. you know all u have read is true
10. You didn’t notice that i skipped 9.
11. Your checking it now
noitallmr: great to have you back! your humor is still there buddy! a winner post!
areivim: hey i really liked those! thanx for the entertainment!
Haha all good ones. 🙂
Doctor, doctor
Doctor, doctor, my wooden leg is giving me a lot of pain.
Why’s that?
My wife keeps hitting me over the head with it.
Doctor, doctor, my hair’s coming out. Can you give me something to keep it in?
Certainly – how about a paper bag?
Doctor, doctor, people keep ignoring me.
Next, please!
Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains.
Pull yourself together!
Doctor, doctor, I feel like a bridge.
What’s come over you?
Two cars and a bus!
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a spoon.
Sit there and don’t stir.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a billiard ball.
Get back in the queue.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a pack of cards.
I’ll deal with you later.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking there’s two of me.
One at a time, please.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a dog.
Lie down on the couch and I’ll examine you.
I can’t. I’m not allowed on the furniture.
Doctor, doctor, I’ve lost my memory.
When did it happen?
When did what happen?
Doctor, doctor, my little boy’s swallowed a bullet. What shall I do?
Well, for a start, don’t point him at me.
not the one I originally thought, but I promised a joke so I found another one.
The Pope and the Jew
Several centuries ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave the Vatican. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave. The Jews realized that they had no choice. So they picked an elderly aged man named Moishe to represent them. Rabbi Moishe’s Latin wasn’t very good – in fact, he knew very little–but he was a man of great faith and well respected in the Jewish community. The pope agreed. What could be easier than a silent debate?
The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, “I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay.”
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said: “First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?”
Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe. “What happened?” they asked. “Well,” said Moishe, “First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here.” “And then?” asked a woman. “I don’t know,” said Moishe. “He took out his lunch and I took out mine.”
Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
A contestant Sally, on ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’ had reached the
final plateau.
If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000.
If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the
$25,000 milestone money…..
And as she suspected the Million Dollar Question was no pushover.
It was, ‘Which of the following species of birds does not build its own
nest but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it:
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer.
She had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline.
All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline.
She hoped she would not have to use it because…….. Her friend
was, well, a blonde.
But she had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the
question and the four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly:
‘That’s easy. The answer is C: the cuckoo.’
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast.
She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving any answer
except the one that her friend had given her.
And considering her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the
logical thing to do.. But her friend had responded with such confidence,
such certainty that the contestant could not help but be convinced…
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, ‘C: The cuckoo..’
‘Is that your final answer?’
‘Yes, that is my final answer.’
‘That answer is Absolutely correct!
You are now a millionaire!’
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and
friends, including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
‘Barbie, I just do not know how to thank you, ‘ said the contestant.
‘How did you happen to know the right answer?’
‘Oh, come on,’ said the blonde ‘Everybody knows that cuckoos
don’t build nests. They live in clocks.’
Sally fainted .
Why did the man take a pencil to bed with him?
To draw the curtains!
I would tell you another pencil joke but unfortunately none of them have a point!
nice, auss. i was gonna shoot you after the first one, but you fixed it up…
Why are murders so hard to solve in the South?
1) The DNA all match
2) There are no dental records
<insert corny groan here>
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida
,
Are all excited about their decision to get married. They
Go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the
way they pass a Drugstore Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”
The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”
*Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart Medication?”
Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”
Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”
Pharmacist: “All kinds
Jacob: ” Medicine for rheumatism?”
Pharmacist: “Definitely.”
*Jacob: “How about suppositories?”
Pharmacist: “You bet!”
*Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer’s?”
Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The works.”
*Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes
for Parkinson’s disease?”
Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”
*Jacob: “Everything for heartburn and indigestion?”
Pharmacist: “We sure do.”
*Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?”
Pharmacist: “All speeds and Sizes.”
**Jacob: “We’d like to use this store as our Bridal Registry
A little boy turned to his grandpa and said: Grandpa, please talk like a frog.”
Grandpa replied: “What? I’m not going to talk like a frog!”
The little boy again asked: “Come on, Grandpa. Talk like a frog, please.”
Grandpa again said: “No! Go bother your grandmother.”
The little boy finally gave up and left.
A little while later, the little boy’s sister came in and said: “Grandpa will you talk like a frog for me?”
Grandpa, of course, replied: “NO!”
The little girl then begged: “Please, Grandpa will you talk just like a frog?”
Grandpa was very disturbed by now and asked: “What is it with you and your brother? Why in the world do you want me to talk like a frog?”
The little girl looked at her Grandpa and said: “Well, last night daddy told us that when you croak, we’re going to go to Disney World.”
the last 2 mepal had me laughin real hard- good ones!
Glad to have made you lol! Will try keeping up with the demand!
I’m such a big hidden Tzaddik, even Hashem doesn’t know!
mepal: those were outstanding, gave me a great laugh! keep em coming!
kapusta: you have competition now? or should we crown a new humor gabbai?
Jax, no way. I’m still here with my jokes, but I couldn’t find as many and I wasn’t getting too much feedback so it quieted down. I hope to be up and running again soon. (maybe later, I think I’ll be busy tonight)
kapusta: competition…are you ready?!
I think partners w/d be better than competition! How does that sound to you?
mepal, you remind me:
“Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?” -Abraham Lincoln
~a~
kapusta: good then, just checking!
April 22nd was Earth day—->President Obama celebrated by flying his enormous Plane to Iowa![not sure if it was to Ames, Iowa though!]
if it was earth day, he should have walked. or ridden a bike.
moish: that’s the joke buddy-enormous Plane !!!
oh my bad. and i thought i was being original.
moish: your ideas were normal things to do for Earth days, the president on the other hand…!
If I knew I would have chopped down trees. Maybe created a few oil spills. After all you dont appreciate something until it is gone 😉
If at first you dont succeed, skydiving is not for you.
see? I still have my sense of humor.
aussie, you should be on the list of volunteers who help promote earth day
more proof that I still have a sense of humor…
No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
not funny? try this.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
kapusta: not bad!
if you can’t sleep, don’t count sheep, talk to the Shepard!
The Shidduch Crisis
Ich zug dir, I’m really suffering from the shidduch crisis. Finding one’s bashert in today’s society is just SO hard! I make hundreds of phone calls to shadchanim, begging everyone not to forget about me – but so many of them tend to brush me off with silly excuses like they have no time for me, they can’t think of anyone for me, they’re too busy with other things Even when they do find a few free moments to ‘red’ me a shidduch, they just never come up with anything decent! It’s a shanda, I tell you.
No, don’t be ridiculous – of course I’m not a 19-year-old girl!
I’m not a 24-year-old bochur, either.
I’m the MOTHER of a shidduch-age yingel – and he’s the best boy in the yeshiva!
Oy, I hate krechtzing in public, but the truth is, it’s a shrekliche matziv out there for us future mother in laws.
I asked my son a few months ago what kind of girl he’s looking for. You know what he answered me? He said, “Ma, I just want a good girl.” Ha! What does he know? So I’m making it my business to find him what I know he really needs. In fact, a shadchan called me just last week:
“Hello, Mrs. Vichtigmacher? I have a great girl for your son.”
“You do? Terrific. What size is she?”
“Huh?”
“I asked, what size is she? My son doesn’t want to go out with anyone bigger than a 2. A size nothing – an absolute 0 – would be perfect.”
“Oh, well I don’t know “
“And how tall is she?”
“Oh, she’s average hei-“
“What do you mean by ‘average?’ My son doesn’t want to go out with anyone shorter than 5’3, but of course he won’t consider anyone taller than 5’5. She might make him look small and stumpy, especially if she wears heels. So this girl needs to fall within a three-inch radius for her to be acceptable.”
“Ok. I just-“
“What does she look like?”
“What? Oh, she’ a really nice looking girl.”
“Nice looking? That’s it? A new pair of shoes is ‘nice looking.’ A matching pocketbook is ‘nice looking.’ A good haircut is ‘nice looking.’ The girl my son is going to marry has to be more than just ‘nice looking!'”
“This girl is pretty.”
“Pretty – but not beautiful or stunning or gorgeous or extraordinary?”
“Yes, she’s very-“
“How old is she? Anyone under age 19 is most likely too immature for my Gemarakup. Marrying someone that young would almost be like cradle snatching! 20 is just right. In my opinion – and I’m right about just about everything – any girl over 21 is already too settled in her ways to make a good spouse. My son won’t be able to mould her personality anymore. He won’t be able to properly train her to have a five course supper ready on the table by 5pm, or else. Or to iron and starch and fold his cashmere socks into perfect little 4-inch squares. You understand?”
“No, I’m not sure I-“
“And how many years can this girl’s parents support my boy in kollel? My son doesn’t want to go out with anyone who can’t support him for at least the first decade. I mean, after all, a boy who sits and shvitzes and hureves in kollel deserves to get everything he wants, doesn’t he? My son simply refuses to go out with anyone who doesn’t come along with a house. And he’s partial to BMW’s.”
“Oh. I didn’t-“
“How many kids are in the family? My son doesn’t want to go out with anyone who’s the oldest in a large family, because then the girl is already burned out and overstressed by the time she gets married. The youngest in a large family is usually way too spoiled, so forget about that. And a middle child, nebach, a middle child is usually neglected. On the other hand, an ONLY child never learns to share with others or build sibling relationships, so my son would never consider that either. If this girl is, say, the third child in a family of 12 – that would be perfect.”
“Actually, she’s-“
“Oh. Very important. What does her father do for a living? My son would never go out with a girl whose father or grandfather, up to four generations back, worked in a butcher shop or a fish store. Anyone who can stand to witness the sight of that much blood obviously has no midas harachamim. And we won’t take any truck drivers or used car salesmen either.”
“Mrs. Vichtigmacher, I think-“
“Now hold on, I know exactly what you’re going to say.”
“You do?”
“Uh huh. You’re going to tell me that this girl is everything I could possibly hope for in a girl. And that may be true. But I’m not finished getting information from you yet. I forgot to ask: On Shabbos, does her family eat on fine China or on paper plates?”
“Why does that matter?”
“Well, it’s obvious. If they eat on fine China , they’re probably feinshmekkers. On the other hand, if they eat on paper plates, they’re probably practical people, down to earth, but they don’t respect the kedusha of Shabbos as much as they should.”
“Well then, what should they eat on?”
“Good question. And there’s something else I need to know. Is the girl quiet, or is she loud?”
“She’s not too quiet”
“Aha! She’s not too quiet, you say! I know your shadchan euphemisms. That’s a very subtle way of saying she has no eidelkeit. She’s brash, loud, and way out of control, right? Her teachers probably couldn’t handle her all throughout her 12 years of school. Her parents are probably desperate to get her married, just so she can settle down, right? Tell me the truth.”
“No! The truth is that she’s really pretty quiet, but-“
“She’s quiet? You mean she’s timid, shy, tzurikgeshtannen? Doesn’t she have any friends? What are you redding my son, a mouse?!”
“Of course not, she’s-“
“What will she wear on her head?”
“Excuse me?”
“On her head. A snood, a pony sheitel, a fall, a custom, a hat, a shpitzel? Which is it?”
“Um. I assume she’ll just wear a regular-“
“Regular? There’s no such thing as ‘regular.’ What a woman wears on her head tells a lot about what’s going on INSIDE her head. Is she ‘modern,’ ‘yeshivish,’ litvish,’ ‘chassidish’ or ‘Meah Shearimdig?’ Is she a rebel or a rebbetzin?”
“She’s a frum, wonderful, tzniusdige young lady! A really great baalas middos tovos, with a kind heart and derech eretz! Mrs. Vichtigmacher, she’s just a good gir-“
“Did she go to camp?”
“Huh? Yes. She went to camp for a few summers, and some summers she stayed home.”
“She stayed home? Why? Are her parents too poor to afford camp? Is she too attached to her mommy to leave home for a couple of weeks? Does she have some embarrassing problem that she doesn’t want her bunkmates or counsellors to know? Does she snore or drool in her sleep? My son will never go out with a girl who hasn’t been to camp.”
“I told you. She went to camp. Just not every sum-“
“Did she go to seminary in Israel ? You know, girls just don’t come out right these days unless they go to seminary in Israel . My son won’t go out with any girl who hasn’t been to-“
“I get the point. You know what? I don’t think this shidduch is going to work out after all. I don’t have the time for you, I can’t think o f anyone for you, and I’m too busy with other things. Good luck marrying off your son.”
Oy, it’s a shanda, I tell you. Vey iz mir! How I suffer from the shidduch crisis!
The world stands on 3 things:
TORAH – The boy has to learn.
AVODA – The girl has to work.
GIMILUS CHASADIM – The parents have to support them.
BARBECUE>
> *It’s the only type of cooking a real man will do.
>
> When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following
> chain of events are put
> into motion:
>
> Routine….
>
> 1)The woman buys the food.
>
> 2) The woman makes the salad, vegetables, and
> dessert.
>
> 3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places
> it on a tray along with
> the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes
> it to the man who is
> lounging beside the grill — beer in hand.
>
> Here comes the important part….
>
> 4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL
>
> More routine…
>
> 5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and
> cutlery.
>
> 6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat
> is burning. He thanks
> her and asks if she will bring another beer while he
> deals with the
> situation.
>
> Important again…
>
> 7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT
> TO THE WOMAN.
>
> More routine…
>
> 8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread,
> utensils, napkins, sauces,
> and brings them to the table.
>
> 9) After eating the woman clears the table and does
> the dishes.
>
> And most importantly…
>
> 10) EVERYONE PRAISES THE MAN AND THANKS HIM FOR HIS
> COOKING EFFORTS.
>
> 11) THE MAN ASKS THE WOMAN HOW SHE ENJOYED “HER
> NIGHT OFF” AND UPON SEEING
> HER ANNOYED REACTION, CONCLUDES THAT THERE’S JUST NO
> PLEASING SOME PEOPLE.
NICKNAMES
EATING OUT
MONEY
BATHROOMS
ARGUMENTS
FUTURE
SUCCESS
MARRIAGE
DRESSING UP
NATURAL
OFFSPRING
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!
kapusta: If at first you dont succeed, skydiving is not for you.
To add. If at first you dont succeed lower your expectations.
Health Inspectors warning: Harrasing me about my somking can be hazardous to your health.
4/3 of all people have trouble with fractions.
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. As they stand at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Paradise and meet their maker, God decides to grant each person one wish because of the grief they have experienced.
They’re all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. ‘I want to be gorgeous,’ and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The seco nd one in line hears this and says ‘I want to be gorgeous too’ Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous, but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing.
When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.
Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be.. The guy eventually calms down and says:
‘Make ’em all ugly again.’
NEXT TIME YOU’RE LAST IN LINE. BE HAPPY
A visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the Moscovitz
Auditorium.
He was quite impressed with the architecture and the acoustics.
He inquired of the tour guide, “Is this magnificent auditorium named
after Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar?”
“No,” replied the guide. “It is named after Sam Moscovitz, the writer.
Never heard of him. What did he write?”
“A check”, replied the guide.
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