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Posts
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charlie- why not “where is the nearest ATM”
asdf- your blank post reminds me of an experiment done in my sister’s school….
asdfjkl, lol I totally understand where your friends was coming from, I would do the same!
areivimzehlazeh: ha i edited my own post & thought it looked cool blank!!! abt the green hair comment–i like mine own blond hair actually!!!
gg18 – duh! maybe not in math, but in common sense it does.
asdfghjkl- how did I know you were blond?????!!!!!! I’m a genius
by the way i was gonna say something similar but i’m working on being nice… hey areivim, that’s vute. asdfghjkl’s blond, you’re a gingy… 😉 who else??
areivimzehlazeh: ha a total genius!!!!
*Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noach’s Teiva…
One: Don’t miss the boat.
Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three: Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noach built the Teiva.
Four: Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
Five: Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six: Build your future on high ground.
Seven: For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.
Eight: Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
Nine: When you’re stressed, float a while.
Ten: Remember, the teiva was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with Hashem, there’s always a rainbow waiting!
A man goes to a large catering hall on Long Island. He enters the hall and takes in the sites, 1000 people enjoying themselves, fressing, drinking, music, etc…
Just then a man approaches him and says “Glad you could make it here!! Which side are you on, the Kallahs or the Chossens??” (Bride or Groom).
He replied “The Kallahs side”.
The man instantly shouted, “GET OUT OF HERE!”
“Why, what’s wrong?” replied the newly arrived guest.
The man answered, “This is a Bar Mitzvah
*Top ways you know you work at a Jewish Organization.
You spill your lunch all over yourself and your cubicle neighbors yell “MAZEL TOV.”
There is a shaimos box in the copy room.
People notice how many times per week you order in lunch, whom you order with, what exactly you’re eating, and how much it cost.
The “director of human resources” tries to red you shidduchim.
The soda-pop cans that are supposedly for every one in the organization are always under lock and key in a “special fridge.”
You have to (get to) shout in hebrew on the phone.
At least 4 people in your office are related to each other.
Your salary reminds you of this lovely liturgical quote from the beginning of musaf: “ve’kol mee she’oskim b’tzarchei tizbur be’emounah???” HAKADOSH BARUCH HU YESHALEM!
You can leave your wallet out in plain sight and never have it stolen but don’t even think of leaving your lunch unattended.
All inter-office emails end with Tizku L’Mitzvos.
Your high school schedule of early dismissal on short Fridays, short short Fridays and Rosh Chodesh Fridays actually applies at work too.
“Mincha!” yelled out at approximately the same decibel-level as “Fire!”
Friday afternoon is eerily quiet after 1PM.
What’s a Holiday Bonus?!?
Your doorman greets you in Yiddish every morning.
The office fridge is stocked with New Square milk.
All office events are catered by the same kosher restaurant over and over again, until you never want to eat, smell or think about their food again.
You have off on Jewish Holidays, Legal Holidays, Christian Holdays,African Holidays, Canadian Holdiays, Calendar Holdays…
On Sukkos, there is a lulav and esrog in the conference room with a sheet on how to fulfil the mitzva.
Israeli news stations can be heard from people’s computers.
People are busy on only simchas, and on the yeshiva world news CR! LOL!
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Hava grape Tu b Shvat! I can barley wait till wheat text each other after the date when it’s all fig ured out… d’rimon about the right one saying “olive you”
How about this?
I’d like to wish you all a Happy New Year today. It’s a happy new year for the nuts!
BasYisroel2: ha i loved them all!!! thanx!!!
Moishe- the comment about ET was in reference to something earlier when someone said that those who live outside NY are ET…i was taking it in reference to myself…
asdfghjkl
ur welcome!
my bad- i thought you wrote “was meant. i think i have a reading problem lately…
areivim: please repost. thanx
who wants to guess my here??$
i meant my hair.$
Green, like $.
qwertyuiop: i would say your hair is brown!!! & ya got green eyes-like mullah!!!
I vote for silver (as in silver dollars) hair and gold fillings…jk I don’t know how old you are, but you always struck me as being on the younger side…
asdfghjkl: joseph was right.$jk, you were kinda right it’s brownish blondeish.$
qwertyuiop: ha i knew i was ganna be right abt the hair!!! & what color eyes???
Come on and lets stick to jokes! I was excited that someone posted something here but it is off topic and not funny….
Sherlock Holmes was with Watson (his accomplice) tenting in a field. Sherlock turns to Watson and asks, “Watson what do you deduce from the stars?”
Watson replies, “I deduce that we are simply a speck in the huge universe and every start is so many hundreds of times bigger than us- truly humbling, what do you deduce Sherlock?”
Replied Sherlock, “I deduce our tent has been stolen!”
noitallmr! havnt seen u in a while!
Bas yisroel I’m totally rolling from your jokes bout a yiddish office!!! Everything is sooo true its hysterical!!
“The “director of human resources” tries to red you shidduchim.”
Word of caution, stay away from that, my boss tried and it backfired big time and ruined our relationship
Yeah sorry “an open book”…been kinda busy lately so don’t really have so much time to hang around here but every now and again I show my face…
How are you keeping anyway?
syrian- there’s no way for me to re-phrase my joke. The part that wasn’t approved IS the joke. It’s really not anything inappropriate at all, just not very sensitive in language. Sorry- would love to share, but I’m not a mod yet 😉
areivim, when are you gonna become a moderator? then i could submit whatever i want and either you’ll read and delete, or you’ll fix them up for me.
when am i gonna become a moderator…. moish- they’re sides must be splitting as they read that. I’d never pass Mod University- cuz IMHO my joke passes muster
areivimzehlazeh – I’ve had a few of my posts deleted before I became a mod. 🙂
areivim, you sent in a dirty joke?? and didn’t ever KNOW it wasn’t clean? shame on you.
who’s talkin dirty? there was just one word that wasn’t so eiyeiyeiy. But what a punch line…
uh huh. sure.
mod25: thanx for joining us.$
asdfghjkl: i actually have a little bit of grey hair, but i’m not old.$
are you accusing me of posting a dirty joke?? you’ve got nerve dude
qwertyuiop, you’re GRAY?? wow.
areivim, it happens to the best of us. don’t worry, we all understand.
qwertyuiop: really a little grey hair??? like anderson cooper???
moish: why so shocked??$ 🙂
asdfghjkl: not as much, but yes.$
qwertyuiop: oh!! now i’m real curious of your age!!!
qwerty- now I’m the one that’s shocked, on 2 counts. 1- grey hair?!?! 2- you think I’m like that? I love a good joke, but not dirtly ones (I promise- it was just one not so nice word, something someone might say when they’re really mad- but it stood for something else. That’s why it was so funny…)
asdfg- did you know you’re friends with an old geezer?
areivimzehlazeh: qwertyuiop’s not an old geeze!!! be nice!!! your buddy charlie brown i bet is alot grayer than my dear friend qwertyuiop!!!
areivim, don’t worry, you’ll never be gray in my mind. you know why?
what?! qwertyuiop’s (sort of) old?? he sounded like a teenager or s/t to me! no offense. well maybe thats cuz hes friends w/ asdfghjkl, who also sounds young…..
now, now eveyone: qwertyuiop said he’s just a little grey, not really old!!! so lets move on to the next thing!!!!
oh man- can’t wait to see qwerty’s reaction to all this. what a riot!
moish- do redheads never age?
people, people settle down, i told you i’m in my 20’s.$ and besides i know someone inn his 30’s with a full head of WHITE(not me).$and i said a little, stop making fun.$<sniff><sniff>
qwertyuiop: i don’t ever remember you saying your in your 20’s!!! here take a tissue buddy!!!
areivim, not when they’re figments of my imagination. you’re always gonna be around 5 ft 9, thin, glasses and a short, red beard 😉
Stop ganging up on him! qwerty I also know someone in his low 20’s who has some grey but it doesn’t look bad…
in the spot i have it, it doeesn’t look bad, it’s actually pretty cool.$
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