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could we get this thread to 1000 posts before random questions hits 1500… this one is cute and unfortunately true. people spend money they dont have to buy things they dont need to impress people they dont like (there was a longer version, but I forget the rest right now.)
moish01: yes i read the whole thing, after i first didn’t!!!!
you sure you got it? read it again to double check.
beacon: haha good ones
asdfghjkl: yes this computer hasa password on the scrren name which is not an administrator and is blocked by a powerful firewall which is nit blocked by a proxy (so it cant be passed in the easy ways) and this firewall is protected by a pssword too. ITS LIKE THIS COMPUTER IS FORT KNOX OR SOMETHING 😛
What did the alien say to the petrol pump?
Stop picking your nose while you talk to me.
A guy got a new Lamborghini and put a mezuzah in it. He went to an Orthodox rabbi to ask if the rabbi could bless the mezuzah. The rabbi denied saying that he wouldn’t make a bracha for such an extravagancy. He went to a Conservative rabbi, but the rabbi denied, saying he wouldn’t bless a goy car. He went to a Reform rabbi. The rabbi said: “Sure I’ll bless it, but whats a mezuzah?”
asdfghjkkl: oh yeh and i forgot that there is a program that my parents can see everyhting that was on the screen!!!!
thanks! these are great! have a great shabbos everyone!
teen: wow gosh!!! sure sounds like it’s a computer of the fbi or something!!!
moish: thanx buddy i got the joke on the second time!!!!
asdf: haha yeh i have freinds who could probably get around all this stuff but i gotta ask without being annoying so its slow
teen: poor you buddy!!!
teen, you know how to be annoying? talented!
ok back to humor:
even on the cr there are grey area 😛
(hopefully this is on a grey box and not a white one)
teen, your a riot
teen: ha good it was on a grey area!!!!
Some guy, I heard this joke in a diff version.
A guy comes to an orthodox rabbis and asks, ” Is it true that it is prohibited to put a Mezuza on a Lamborghini?”
The rabbis said, “sorry i never heard of a Lamborghini.”
So he goes to a conservitive rabbi and asks, ” Is it true that it is prohibited to put a Mezuza on a Lamborghini?”
The rabbi says, ” what does prohibited mean?”
so the guy goes to a reform rabbi and say,” Is it true that it is prohibited to put a Mezuza on a Lamborghini?”
to which the rabbi says, “whats a mezuzah?”
lnhelihnvclherlv
(mods please post this i need it for my next post)
of course….some things are black on white 😛
(hhopefully my previous post was accepted and this one is on white)
An International Purim Tale!
King Achashverosh was Finnish with his disobedient wife Vashti. “You Congo now!” he ordered her. After she had Ghana way, the king’s messengers went Roman the land to find a new queen. And India end, the beautiful Esther won the crown.
Meanwhile, Mordechai sat outside the palace, where the Chile Haman would Czech up on him daily.
“I Haiti you because you refuse to bow to me!” Haman scolded Mordechai. “USA very stubborn man. You Jews are such Bahamas! If you keep his up, Denmark my words! I will have all your people killed! Just Kuwait and see, you Turkey!”
Mordechai went into mourning and tore his clothes-a custom known as Korea. He urged Esther to plead with the king. The Jews fasted for three days and grew very Hungary. Esther approached the king and asked, “Kenya Belize come to a banquet I’ve prepared for you and Haman?”
At the feast, she invited her guests to a second banquet to eat Samoa.
The king asked, “Esther, why Jamaica big meal like this? Just tell me what you want. Unto half my United Kingdom will I give you.” Esther replied, “Spain full for me to say this, but Haman is Russian to kill my people.”
Haman’s loud Wales could be heard as he carried Honduran this scene. “Oman!” Haman cried bitterly. “Iraq my brains in an effort to destroy the Jews. But that sneaky Mordechai – Egypt me!”
Haman and his ten sons were hanged and went immediately to the Netherlands. And to Sweden the deal, the Jews were allowed to Polish off the rest of their foes as well. “You lost your enemies and Uganda friend,” the king smiled.
And that is why the Purim story Israeli a miracle. Hashem decided to China light on His chosen people.
So now, let’s celebrate! Forget all your Syria’s business and just he happy! Serb up some wine and Taiwan on! Happy Purim!!!
Very good, Bas Yisroel!
date joke:
so a regular flatbush guy, goes on a date with a boro park bais yaakov girl!!! the guy sees they have absolutely nothing in common, & just keeps driving on the date without sayin a word!!! the girl starts talkin about her learning on the phone nightly, over the phone with her chavrusa!!! she’s going on & on about learning with her chavrusah meselos yesharim!!! then she asks her date,if he ever learned meselos yesharim!!! his reply-i watched the movie!!!
some relatives of mine, were staying in israel a few years back!!! theeir hotel was next to a laundry mat, one day they came with all their laundry & started loading it into the machines, only to find out that the store was actually an electronic store that specializes in washing machines!!! ha
Joseph -thank you for the compliment!
asdf: hahaha is that second one true?
just got the funniest text from my cousin… moderators, you gotta let it through…
Hava grape Tu b Shvat! I can barley wait till wheat text each other after the date when it’s all fig ured out… d’rimon about the right one saying “olive you”
teen: yeah it’s true!!! ya gatta hear it from them, it sounds way better when they say it!!!
moish: ha must be froom brook!!!
One year in camp we had a girl from a different country where English was NOT her first language. While playing kickball there was a girl that did a far kick and e/o was screaming “run to second, run to third…” then this girl screams “now run to the house!!”
asdf- i am not sure if i get your flatbush/boro park jokes… please explain… but maybe those who have been deemed “extraterrestrial” just wont get it…
asdfghjkl, she’s not my only cousin. it actually wasn’t from her.
havesomeseichel, he meant brooklyn19
asdfg- really really like the BP/flatbush joke…. it’s ok- we can take it
teen, i wrote somewhere put : after http, no clue why I said that It’s s do https://
how was that brooklyn 19 when he was talking about the girl on the date rambling on about her chavrusah??? just a little confused…
moish01
Member
just got the funniest text from my cousin… moderators, you gotta let it through…
asdfghjkl
Member
moish: ha must be froom brook!!!
at least that’s how i followed the conversation. did i get it wrong? wait, TO – did you guys mean
asdfghjkl
Member
date joke:
so a regular flatbush guy, goes on a date with a boro park bais yaakov girl!!! the guy sees they have absolutely nothing in common, & just keeps driving on the date without sayin a word!!! the girl starts talkin about her learning on the phone nightly, over the phone with her chavrusa!!! she’s going on & on about learning with her chavrusah meselos yesharim!!! then she asks her date,if he ever learned meselos yesharim!!! his reply-i watched the movie!!!
See above post….
Funny story: this girl I no whose about 15 (she’s very funny) had this jar (?) of money one day she saw some was missing so she puts a note in it saying ‘maria (that’s not her maids name but whatever) if u touch my money again, ill kill u!’ The next day the notes missing!! So funny
havesomeseichel: sorry ya didn’t get it, it was kinda funny!!! i hope moish explained the rest to ya!!!
avairim: yeah good!!!!!!!!
asdf- i still dont get it.. i guess it wasnt meant for the ETs out there…
havesomeseichel: the point of the joke was that she was alot frummer than him & he said he watched the meselos yesharim movie!!! clue there is no movie of the sefer!!! oh well, hope this helped!!!
havesomeseichel, i am NOT Extra Terrestrial in any way! but thanks, i guess you meant i’m supernatural…
guy walks into the bank & types his pin# into the ATM machine, waiting to make a withdrawl!!!! screen flashes INSUFFICIENT FUNDS!!!!! he wonders, if it was him or them!!!!!
asdf lol that actually happened to me once it was not a joke!! My brain didn’t chap the connection that if I keep swiping my debit no kidding theres gona no funds in atms
myshadow: i was actually once with a friend in manhattan & he didn’t beleive the machine when it said INSUFFICIENT FUNDS!!! he was convinced he had money in there, & forced me to go to 3 other ATM’s to check if it was really him that was INSUFFICIENT FUNDS!!!
asdf- not sure who’s nuttier, you or your friend 😉
areivimzehlazeh: gee thanx buddy!!! yeah but everyone says ATM machine!!!
areivimzehlazeh: mayim achronim vasser, gut yom tov, RBIs, NFL Football,
who says mayim achronim vasser? never heard that one.
JayMatt- I’m sure the list goes on and on…………………
but for some reason “ATM machine” really gets to me
asdf- if “everyone” started wearing green hair, would you wear it too?
moish01- does 2 positive make a negative?!?
areivim,
try asking someone where the nearest AT machine is. 🙂
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