A Humorous Item

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Viewing 50 posts - 451 through 500 (of 2,008 total)
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    Posts
  • #1172068
    feivel
    Participant

    “by the way everyone, check out the new joke of the day”

    you mean joke of the WEEK

    #1172069
    areivimzehlazeh
    Participant

    asdfghjkl- just read yours… red, purple, orange, green & blue would insufficiently describe the colors my face turned while reading that. Wow- I haven’t laughed that hard in a loooong time. Thanks

    My absolute favorite email (I don’t care how stupid or immature it sounds) is the one with a list of about 10 things to do in the office to make yourself sound/look insane. Some of them are:

    Page yourself over the intercom system

    Sit in your cubicle with a blow-dryer and every time someone passes, point it at them and yell “Freeze! Hands up!”

    Spread mosquito netting over your desk and play safari soundtrack…………….

    #1172070
    moish01
    Member

    feivel, actually they changed it a few times this week

    #1172071

    asdfghjkl,

    I agree with areivim. I was starting to laugh out loud literally and I don’t want anyone to think I’ve lost my mind so I had to stop in the middle. I’ll try to finish reading it at home tonight. thanks for the laugh!

    #1172072

    btw feivel,

    how did you get your response to be blue? that’s cool!

    #1172073
    moish01
    Member

    hey feivel, how’d you do that to those words?

    #1172074
    moish01
    Member

    now that we both asked him, watch him hold it against us and not tell…

    by the way, thanks for all those tips yesterday, charlie.

    #1172075
    areivimzehlazeh
    Participant

    hey charlie! how you been? I need some serious help- I think I’m disintegrating into one big emotional ball with all this deep stuff with moish

    #1172076

    which tips? I’m having a senior moment here. totally blank.

    #1172077
    feivel
    Participant

    moish

    like this:

    lets say you want “moish in blue

    moish, charles:

    you type the following:

    <x>moish</x>

    except you dont use “x” as the letter, you use “a” i couldnt use “a” in the example i showed you because then it would just show as a blue “moish” and you wouldnt be able to see what i did

    get it?

    #1172078

    areivim,

    you’re doing an amazing job but you are not doing moish or yourself a favor by disintegrating, you gotta chill out. Moish as it is has a hard time with the concept of virtual friends, how will he handle disintegrated virtual friends?

    (just kidding, moish) 🙂

    #1172079
    moish01
    Member

    carlie

    this one

    and

    this one

    🙂

    feivel

    got it!

    #1172080

    moish, now I remember!

    thanks feivel!!

    #1172081
    moish01
    Member

    thanks, charlie. i knew i could count on you.

    by the way, i hate to be a party pooper, but we are officially way off topic

    #1172082
    moish01
    Member

    you need an aid, dude

    #1172083

    oops, you’re right. I think you should become a mod!

    #1172084

    hey asdf- i know ur not on now but im not worried when u come on later that u will catch up…so check out the joke of the day(which actually has been changing the past few days) and see how much the editor liked ur joke

    #1172085
    moish01
    Member

    charlie, if this website stoops to the level that they’d make me a moderator, i think it would be completely unnecessary to have moderating period.

    #1172086
    squeak
    Participant
    #1172087
    BasYisroel2
    Participant

    squeak

    That is so cool! how do I make my words blue?

    #1172088
    teen
    Member
    #1172089

    blue<like this?/a>

    #1172090
    Belev Echad
    Participant

    Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton insists her husband

    go with her to Wal-Mart, but he gets bored with all the shopping

    trips. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to

    browse.

    Here’s a letter sent to Mrs. Fenton from the management of the local Wal-Mart :

    Dear Mrs. Fenton,

    Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a

    commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban

    both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our

    video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are

    listed below.

    Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in Wal-Mart:

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of foot deoderant and randomly put them in people’s

    carts when they weren’t looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at

    5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,

    ‘Code 3’ in house wares….. and watched what happened.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M’s

    on lay away.

    6. September 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

    7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told

    other shoppers he’d invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the

    bedding department.

    8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to

    cry and asks, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’

    9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a

    mirror, and picked his nose.

    10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked

    the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

    11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming

    the ” Mission Impossible” theme.

    12. December 6: In the auto department, sang Happy Birthday while wearing different sized funnels on his head for birthday hats.

    13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse

    through, yelled “PICK ME!” “PICK ME!”

    14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he

    assumes the fetal position and screams “NO ! NO! It’s those voices

    again!!!!”

    And last, but not least ……

    15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited

    awhile, then yelled very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!”

    Regards,

    Wal-Mart

    #1172091
    BasYisroel2
    Participant

    teen: my bad-I am sorry i don’t really understand what ur talking about.

    #1172092
    teen
    Member

    oh my bad oj its <x>ur words here</x> and substitute the x for the letter a

    if i wrote it correctly it would look like this your words here

    #1172093
    qwertyuiop
    Member

    belev echad: nice one, but i think it wwas asdfghjkl, who posted a similar one.$

    thanx for the tip feivel

    #1172094
    #1172095
    #1172096
    teen
    Member

    E = MC2 is energy = morning cofee squared 😛

    compliments of my brother

    #1172097
    qwertyuiop
    Member
    #1172098
    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    coke not pepsi: thanx so much for letting me know my joke became the joke of the day!!! i got so excited whebn ya told me!!! aparantly he[mr. editor] must have read all the great ratings my joke got-everyone said they were rolling on the floor laughing!!!!

    moish01: it became the joke of the day cause the editor look it from my post on this thread!!!!

    areivimzehlazeh & charlie brown: the editor also loved my joke & made it the joke of the day!!! score for asdfghjkl!!!!!!!!!!

    #1172099
    beacon
    Participant

    Editor- congratulations. You officially made asdfghjkl’s day, month, year, decade

    #1172100
    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    beacon: he sure did!!!!

    #1172101
    teen
    Member

    “If you look good and dress well, you don’t need a purpose in life. ” a great quote i heard

    wow asdfghjkl looks like they liked it so much they made it quote of the day 😛

    #1172102

    teen lol

    #1172103

    yay I WAS POST 500!!!!

    #1172104
    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    coke not pepsi: ha it says your post #501!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    asdfghjkl – I just fixed the problem, I randomly deleted one of your previous posts… so… now coke not pepsi is #500!!! :o) YW Moderator-72

    #1172105

    asdf -u scared me 4 a sec lol

    look at the post b4 that 1

    #1172106

    that was really weird it went from 502 posts to 501 but it doesn’t matter bec b”h i posted twice in a row

    #1172107

    mod 72-lol

    #1172108
    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    mod72: that was so not nice!!!!!!!!!!!!

    :o) I knew you wouldn’t mind :o) YW Moderator-72

    btw – the post was: “teen: i noticed!!! join the fun!!!!!” Posted 2 days ago. OK… see I put it back in for you (just here after post 500 not before)

    #1172109
    qwertyuiop
    Member

    mod72: ouch, that was mean.$ 🙂

    #1172110
    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    mod72: oh so you do have a heart after all!!!!!

    #1172111
    Joseph
    Participant

    a wooden heart?

    #1172112
    teen
    Member

    joseph: no….a golden heart

    #1172113
    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    Joseph: nope a warm & fuzzy heart mod72 has!!!

    #1172114
    teen
    Member

    asdfghjkl:i agree now mod 99 and 25……………..im just kidding mods ur all great!!!!! 😛

    #1172115
    asdfghjkl
    Participant

    mod42: is my fave tonight!!!!! please keep the updates going!!!! i will be at shachris at 6:15am, is can assure you!!!

    #1172116
    squeak
    Participant

    Since all we’re seeing posted is random spam these days…..

    ____________________________________________________________

    Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they already know there is not enough money?

    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?

    Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

    Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

    Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

    Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?

    If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? (specially for GMAB)

    Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

    Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

    Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

    Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

    How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

    When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, ‘It’s all right?’ Well, it isn’t all right, so why don’t we say, ‘That really hurt, why don’t you watch where you’re going?’

    Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

    In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

    The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.

    #1172117
    teen
    Member

    squeak: HAHA those are hilarious thanx u gave me a really good laugh

    THE MATRRESS PROFESSIONALS DOING IT RIGHT…SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPYYSSSSS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFEEE!!!!!!!

Viewing 50 posts - 451 through 500 (of 2,008 total)
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