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#This is not my first item on my imaginary list, but, ultimately I would love to someone musical, that plays an instruments and sings. Before you critics start on me, I’ll have you know, I have never asked that about a boy before I went out with him.
Honesty.
wallflower:
Hi! I’m sorry about your subtitle, but I thought it needed
demolition, and the mods eventually agreed. I’m sure you’ll
have a new one soon. How does “In full bloom” sound?
What was wallflower’s former subtitle? (It should probably be posted on the subtitle thread…)
For her to be able to tolerate me
LetakeinGirl
something about the perks of being a wallflower.
ps why do spelling mistakes bother you so much?
“The perks of being a member” actually.
When was my subtitle changed? I didn’t notice.
DaasYochid is indeed funny. That makes a chazaka!
It also marks three chazakos from me, which gives me
a chazaka for giving chazakos. I’ll gladly continue.
I just checked the feed. I was not trolling/joking! I am not saying that they need to be only into the physical and attraction is not only that. Attraction is a whole package, the couple must be “into” each other. A marriage that is built only on “Well he/she looks good on paper.” Is not what I feel makes a happy relationship. That is not to say that goals are not important! They are on top of the list, but if you have the same goals and don’t have any chemistry…that will be a tough marriage.
bump
1. sensitive & warm (but also self-confident)
2. appreciates my intelligence (and everything else about me!)
3. Machshiv Torah
4. growth-oriented
The most important thing for me is that he is a mentch. First, last and middle criteria. (Obviously, compatibility, similar hashkafos, etc, but the ultimate defining factor is that he has to be a mentch.)
My parents both have yichus, choshuv families, my father is a rabbi, they were both the “top catches” with all the qualities so many people stress on… None of that means a thing if a person isn’t a mentch.
Kindness
Gofish -“The most important thing for me is that he is a mentch.”
I consider myself as being a mentch! Who says you are?!?
“I consider myself as being a mentch! Who says you are?!?”
Whoa, do you think that unwarranted attack was mentchlich?
I never said that I am a mentch, though I do sincerely hope I am a mentch. All I said was that that is my most important qualification in a husband. No need to pull out the redundant punctuation points.
Gofish -“Whoa, do you think that unwarranted attack was mentchlich?”
It wasn’t unwarranted! People should work on themselves and not worry so much about others!
If you’re Zocheh – you’ll end up with a guy like me!
I’m gonna take that as a joke.
Health: “I consider myself as being a mentch! Who says you are?!?”.
Do you have any idea how childish that sounds?
“If you’re Zocheh – you’ll end up with a guy like me!”
That’s great. We all should have good opinion of ourselves.
Honestly your responses are so irellevant I think you should get the troll treatment and be ignored.
Everyone thinks they are a mentch, the key is to find out if they have a good heart. For example how do they response in a stressful situation.
“The most important thing for me is that he is a mentch. First, last and middle criteria.”
Gofish +1. Very true! I didn’t mention it: a) because I assumed it was obvious (although maybe I shouldn’t :)) and
b) it’s somewhat subjective since everyone will define “mentch” differently. I had friends who are considered wonderful people, but when I got to know them better, I discovered that they had some very difficult personality traits, and I would not consider them to be “mentchen” (or whatever the female equivalent is), and if I had a single brother, would definitely not set them up with him.
That’s why I find it is better to be more specific. If you ask a reference questions like, Does he have good middos? Is he smart? etc., of course they will say yes. I try to ask things like, “Is he sensitive?” “Is he of above-average intelligence?” (sometimes I tell them about myself before asking if the guy is smart so they can figure out what my definition of smart is).
He should have a cheery disposition,
Rosy cheeks, no warts;
Play games, all sorts.
He must be kind, he must be witty;
Very sweet and fairly pretty.
Take me on outings, give me treats;
Sing songs, bring sweets
Never be cross or cruel,
Never give me castor oil or gruel.
Love all of our sons and daughters,
And never smell of barley water.
He shouldn’t scold or dominate.
That’s the recipe for a guy who’s top rate!
If anyone on here fits the bill, call me up.
Person1 -“Do you have any idea how childish that sounds?”
No, please tell me! You didn’t begin to understand my point!
“Honestly your responses are so irellevant I think you should get the troll treatment and be ignored.”
So why did you post to me in the first place? I surely wasn’t posting to you!
Joseph: “A bas talmid chochom who is a good cook with middos tovos.”
Joe, why did you put “good cook” before “middos tovos”? Aren’t middos more important? And anyhow, doesn’t having good middos include being a good cook? After all, if she has good middos and she knows you want her to be a good cook, then she’ll learn how to be a good cook.
“If you’re Zocheh – you’ll end up with a guy like me!”
Health, have you considered running for president? I understand the Republicans are looking for someone with high self-esteem for the 2020 election.
He should have a cheery disposition,
Rosy cheeks, no warts;
Play games, all sorts.
He must be kind, he must be witty;
Very sweet and fairly pretty.
Take me on outings, give me treats;
Sing songs, bring sweets
Never be cross or cruel,
Never give me castor oil or gruel.
Love all of our sons and daughters,
And never smell of barley water.
He shouldn’t scold or dominate.
That’s the recipe for a guy who’s top rate!
If anyone on here fits the bill, call me up.
I think this should be in the classified section since she is looking for a husband. I am married and don’t fit the bill but what about toads in your bed or pepper in your tea.
Just try to find a kind and unselfish person. What difference does yichus make if your spouse is a terrible person? You are not marrying his/her grandfather!
LU -“Joe, why did you put “good cook” before “middos tovos”?”
Obviously his wife now is a lousy cook! So for #2, he wants a good cook, not that he’s divorcing the first one!
Health – I’m confused. I was assuming he must be single if he responded to this question. Unless you think he’s serious about the polygamy thing, which I would find hard to believe.
“Everyone thinks they are a mentch, the key is to find out if they have a good heart. For example how do they response in a stressful situation.”
Actually, I’m not sure I agree. I don’t know if it’s fair to judge someone based on how they handle stress. People aren’t themselves in stressful situations.
I would say something similar but phrase it slightly differently. I would say that you can tell what someone is like based on how he deals with conflict. I knew someone who seemed like a wonderful person until she got into conflicts with people and then her real colors showed. On the other hand, I have known people whose middos really shone through when they were faced with conflict and dealt with it appropriately.
That is probably one of the most important things to know about someone before marrying them – how he/she handles conflict.
lilmod ulelamaid – “Everyone thinks they are a mentch, the key is to find out if they have a good heart. For example how do they response in a stressful situation.”
Actually, I’m not sure I agree. I don’t know if it’s fair to judge someone based on how they handle stress. People aren’t themselves in stressful situations.
I am referring situations when a spouse is upset the mentch calms her down this is a trait I look for in my sons in-law, rather then argue whose at fault.
okay, so I guess we are saying the same thing. You are talking about a conflict situation as well.
So everyone should make sure to have at least one argument with the person they are dating before they get engaged.
I think everyone should look for whatever they want. It is a free country all the way to the Catskills
lilmod ulelamaid Couples don’t have to get into an argument in order for one of them to be upset, sometimes when things don’t go their way they explode. For example something spills on her dress, if I tell her, don’t worry you can hardly notice it, I will get a kick in the shins. the son in-law talks softly and knows just what to say to calm her down.
I don’t recommend starting an argument just to see how he will react, it can ruin a potential shidduch.
LU -“Health – I’m confused. I was assuming he must be single if he responded to this question. Unless you think he’s serious about the polygamy thing, which I would find hard to believe.”
IDK him personally, but from all his posts – he portrays himself as a married person. So your assumption is probably wrong!
How do you see that?
Joseph is married.
So why would he have answered the above question?
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