“Oomis, there is a difference between a parent offering guidance and a parent shooting down a shidduch. Parents should offer guidance; when their children make a decision though, the parents should respect that, even if they think its wrong”
We are in agreement here. However, what if the parents see something the child cannot see or refuses to see. My close friends were very much opposed to their daughter’s shidduch. They saw the boy as very controlling. The girl had stars in her eyes, and would not listen, and they let her marry the boy che chose. Several children later, she is in an unhappy marriage to a control freak, they live out of town and barely see the parents, who for a number of legitimate reasons are unable to travel to see them, and she is not going to do anything about it becaue, “he is a good father, at least.”
To answer the question of pressure on the girls, sometimes that pressure is simply the desire to fit in and be a part of whatever is going on witht he rest of their friends. All the girls are getting married – she wants to get married, too.
The truth is, many girls abandon their single friends, even before the wedding takes place, because they are now a couple with “couple” things to do, and the single friends are really not part of that scene. It takes very special sensitivity to maintain relationships with friends who are not in a couples situation. I had a friend who complained bitterly about being excluded from events when her former friends got married. No one ever called her anymore or responded to her calls. When I got married, I made a special point of inviting her for Shabbosim, trying to get together for a lunch, calling her and leaving messages. Guess who never responded to my attempts to keep the friendship alive?
Parents want the best for their children, though there is sometimes a difference of opinion as to what constitutes what is “best.” I think that kids should take their parents’ words to heart and at least give some thought to their objections. If there is a validity to what they are saying, they should think twice about the shidduch. But if not, and if they are not immature and unrealistic, they should follow their heart.