I haven’t yet read these responses to your eloquently expressed question, so I may be repetitious of something that has been said. The tragedy of a divorce as you describe is always the people who suffer the most collateral damage – the children. Unless a father is mamesh abusive to his kids, there is no justification to rpeventing him from spending quality time with them, or badmouthing him. Kids should never be used as pawns by either side. Sadly, it IS often seen that the mothers consciously or unconsciously do this, especially when the divorce is acrimonious.
Leave the kids out of it. NEVER speak derisively of either parent to them. The parents may be divorcing, but the children are their children forever. Except in cases of physical or emotional abuse or chas v’sholom immoral behavior, NO one is the bad guy. Kids should not be made to feel they have to take sides. men shoudl give the GET and women should understand that the father will always be the father and he has the right to BE a father to them.
Some women may feel otherwise, especially if their exes spent very little time with the kids when they WERE married. Either way, one must deal with what IS and not with what SHOULD have been.