The frum divorce rate has risen exponentially and sadly is keeping up with the secular world, comparatively speaking. One in two secular marriages ends in divorce. I don’t know the statistics for frum Jews (and they are included in the secular count, as well, because the stats are compiled from ALL civilly-granted divorces)in terms of GET, but it is clear that the numbers are MUCH MUCH higher than when I was growing up.
Part of that is because the general stigma of divorce has been removed. When I was a kid, it was a whispered behind closed doors type of shanda for someone to get divorced, and people stayed together for the sake of the kids (making no judgment here about whether or not that is really good for the kids). Nowadays, there are so many people divorcing, it is almost chalilah “fashionable.” There was even once a joke in a movie about someone thinking he would make some woman he just met the next future EX-Mrs. So and So. I did not find the line funny. Truthfully, I am starting to think there IS something to staying together for the sake of the kids. Stick-to-it-iveness is a good thing, unless there is real physical or emotional abuse going on. Then all bets are off.
Another issue is that kids are being convinced to get married after a REALLY relatively short time, not spending enough time with each other to really get to know each other, and don’t have a realistic view of marriage, especially if they are going from mommy and daddy’s house where they were supported, into theirown house, and still being supported. Often the girls are becoming pregnant almost immediately, before they even have time to adjust to being married. In the best case scenario, pregnancy can be tiring, overwhelming, uncomfortable (see the posts about needing a housekeeper). Add that discomfort to the mix of adjusting to another person’s eating habits, sleeping habits, hygiene, and housekeeping habits, and you have a recipe for disaster for many young couples today.
I would love to see Chosson and Kallah teachers give realistic classes to their respective students. How about an assignment to draw up a budget based on a limited amount of monthly funds? How about a WHAT IF questionnaire and discussion period, to see how the CH and K would handle different scenarios (i.e., he wants to learn full time but she has to quit her job or gets fired for some reason, and finds she is expecting and physically may not do any work or is bedridden because of a threatened miscarriage or the like)? How will they handle in-law problems, like interference or support with strings attached. What if it is only one-sided? Etc.
These and of course the usual other reasons, are why there is a rising divorce rate among frum people, as well as the general population. It is not to say that people cannot get married after YEARS of knowing each other and STILL get divorced, but the phenomenon of seeing newlyweds break up, is getting worse each year. My son now has at least three or four close friends who are divorced, or miserable in their recent marriages. That is appalling to hear.