DY:
Gavra,
1) Chessed is very much part of the family business.
2) The rest I won’t comment on because it would mostly be nitpicking, but I think you missed my main point, that religious coercion is a convenient scapegoat but is hardly the actual culprit. Therefore, the choice between taking a more halachically lenient approach, and keeping your kids frum, is a false choice. You can have your (pas Yisroel/yoshon) cake and eat it too.
3) The OP was, possibly inadvertantly, talking about behavior which is outside of the Torah’s guidelines.
1) Metaphorically, yes. BBB does not work for YDT.
2) I don’t diasagree, but you also missed my point. Religious coercion (especially for items that pure Halacha does not require) is often a means for controlling others, including parents controlling children. Poverty is an easy way to cause distress to children. One has to be Mechanech to each child as they are and in the place that they are.
3) Not sure what you are refering to, but I think that I dealt with that (BF/GF) and agree.