YOUR FATHER’S AVEIROS ARE NOT YOURS! You need to not worry about what money you are using to live. Your job right now is to find someone you trust, write an email to Rabbi Wallerstein who used to be a crazy gambling addict. Tell JUST ONE teacher or counselor and beg their discretion. They will not be thinking about your family’s reputation, they will think about your pain and see if they can help. Or call an anonymous helpline like Yitty Libel or Shalom Task Force. Or even one of those people who works with OTD teens. Even if you aren’t OTD, they are prfessionals who can help direct you and they KNOW how to keep a secret!!!!
Do NOT give up without giving someone a fair chance to help you! Does anyone know you are cutting? Has anyone helped you in the past?