I need to apologize for questioning your education methods. Looking back, I see now I missed your response. To me, education is extremely important, and I personally can’t stand bad teachers. So I may have jumped a little too fast.
Speaking of education, I too have been quite disappointed with mine. However, I’m not too sure there’s really any method of education out there in todays world that would have worked
for me either. In all my years, there was only one teacher that ever sparked an interest in me religiously. My philosophy
teacher in 12th grade. Besides for that, all Hashkafa and philosophy has been self-taught with library books hidden under my desk during class.
However, the majority of women DO seem to do well with what is out there. I wouldn’t see you or I as good representation for Jewish
women in general. Education is aimed at the masses, not the individual. I’m sorry it didn’t work out so well for you.
In general though, I wouldn’t recommend Gemara classes in schools before I’d put it classes for philosophy and emotional/social health if I had a say in the education system. So rather then put in tracks, I’d say why not go to a school that does teach girls
about Gemara if an individual requires it? They do exist in the MO communities.
But the past is gone for you. There’s only now, and Gemara does speak to you. The two random people I asked opinions about this, both agreed that on an individual basis there seems to be many scholarly sources, and people who would allow it. (yeah, in OUR world as some of you out there put it) Again, this is if you are truly sincere about this. I’ll be honest here. I do have doubts since you brought this up in such a public forum, and there has been recent Jewish feminist activity against the frum world. However, I can also reason for myself why you chose this now, so I’m going to try to judge you favorably here. If so, since you’ve mentioned being close to Rebbitzin Heller, ask her. When everyone suggests you ask a Rabbi/Rebbitzin, it isn’t because we don’t have an answer. It’s how our Torah system works. Even Dovid Hamelech had a Rebbe for difficulties. The internet is a bad judge of character. Having a Rav/Rebbitzin is having someone to turn to who know you as an individual. They help you, and in turn, have someone they can turn to for their own difficulties. (The Psychology system works the same way. A good psychiatrist will have someone he/she turn to in order to make sure they themselves are on the right track- This is an example of modern beliefs that have been used by the Jewish people for thousands of years already)